11 Signs Of Unspoken Mutual Attraction, According To Psychology
If you aren't sure if the person you're into is into you too, look for these signs you share an unspoken mutual attraction.
Inside Creative House / Shutterstock Having a crush on someone is one of the strangest feelings in the world. On one hand, it's exciting to feel those butterflies knot up in your stomach as you explore a possible connection with someone. On the other hand, it's worrisome when you don't really know how the other person feels. Do they truly feel the same mutual attraction, or is it all in your head?
Luckily, psychological research shows that there are signs of unspoken mutual attraction you can look for. From observing how closely they stand in relation to you to watching their reactions in group settings, certain behaviors are difficult to hide when you're feeling freshly drawn to someone.
Here are the 11 signs of unspoken mutual attraction, according to psychology
1. They mirror your behavior
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Mirroring behavior is a huge sign of connection. According to a study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, when people felt as if they were treated fairly, they naturally wanted to connect more as participants reported liking the person in question more. As a result, the first sign of unspoken mutual attraction is if they mirror your behavior.
The study noted that individuals who desired to connect with others socially were increasingly more likely to copy their behavior. This is why they unintentionally walk the same way as someone else and also why they move their hands in the same way. It's not because they want to be weird or necessarily copycats. However, if someone truly is attracted to someone else and wants to get closer to them, then best believe their body language will unintentionally speak for itself.
As psychologist Mark Travers, Ph.D., explained, "It’s a nonverbal way of saying, 'I’m interested and I admire you.'”
2. They make excuses to talk to you
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What do people do if they don't like someone? Besides glaring at them from across the room or rolling their eyes, they most likely avoid conversations with them at all costs. After all, why would they willingly throw themselves to the wolves when they can avoid the headache completely?
In the same way, a sign of unspoken mutual attraction is if someone constantly makes excuses to talk to another person. Let's face it: when people go through their daily lives, they don't go out of their way to start a conversation. Whether at work or school, most people want to say hello and say goodbye before spending hours sleeping the day away.
On the flip side, if someone is mutually attracted to you, then they'll almost always go out of their way to eagerly talk to the person. From random snippets about their day to grappling for commonality, these individuals are eager to connect in some way. However, they just can't help themselves. Human beings are social creatures that depend on socialization to thrive. That being said, a person who goes out of their way to connect with someone on a deeper level clearly has a mutual attraction.
Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D., stated, "When someone is truly in love with you, they will invest in the relationship." From introducing someone to their close loved ones to talking to them every day, true mutual attraction shows through their behavior.
3. They maintain eye contact with you
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A sign of unspoken mutual attraction is if they choose to maintain eye contact. Most people won't make long eye contact with just anybody. After all, the thought of staring at a random stranger in the eye can feel a bit intimidating for the average person.
That being said, people who are truly attracted to someone want to maintain eye contact for many reasons. For instance, a study published in Applied Ergonomics found that maintaining eye contact actually helps people remember what is said for longer after the conversation has ended.
Professor of psychology Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP, also mentioned, "If your partner looks at you while you’re talking, or if you catch him or her darting a glance your way, this suggests that he or she takes pleasure in being with you."
4. They get nervous and fidgety around you
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Now, not everyone is confident enough to go up to the person they are crushing on and tell them how they feel. As a matter of fact, a sign of unspoken mutual attraction can also be that they get nervous and fidgety around each other. They might not know how to initiate the conversation if they aren't the best at expressing themselves or are easily intimated.
This isn't surprising when you consider how the body functions. According to licensed counselor and professor Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., "Your serotonin levels may drop to levels similar to those diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder." As a result, people might experience pain in which they grow increasingly anxious and, in some cases, depressed. Luckily, these results don't last forever.
When a crush is reciprocated, those positive emotions start bursting in. However, the longer people refuse to make the first move, the more they'll suffer from this unexplainable pain, causing them to become a fidgeting mess around their crush.
5. They remember the little things about you
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Sure, many people like your coworkers might remember when your birthday is or even your favorite color; however, they probably won't remember how you like your coffee or that you're secretly scared of the Toys R US mascot. However, a sign of unspoken mutual attraction is when someone remembers the little things.
From childhood fears to goals and aspirations, these individuals will remember the minor things about someone. Feeling completely fascinated and slightly obsessed, they'll unconsciously keep a log of who information about their crush is in their head. Now, on the outside, that might sound slightly stalker-ish and, in some cases, downright creepy.
After all, remembering minor details is a bit strong, isn't it? Yet, people should take this mutual attraction as a compliment, as their brain is directly revealing what they think about their crush. According to a study in Human Communication Research, the human brain typically only recalls 10% of the conversation.
So, if someone is remembering the minor details of what they're being told, then this is a good sign that the other person in question is important enough for these details to be stored in their long-term memory.
6. They get touchy with you
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The next sign of unspoken mutual attraction is if they get touchy with their crush. People who are truly attracted to someone can't help but want to get closer to them. Whether that's stealing the spot next to them or unconsciously wrapping their arms around them, they'll always find a way to be in their crush's presence.
For many people, this might feel awkward as most would classify themselves as reserved people. However, if the attraction is mutual, then this typical discomfort might go out the window as they feel connected and safe through physical contact. Psychologist Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D., added, "Touching your partner calms your nervous systems and connects you without words."
However, this isn't all that shocking. From babies feeling the embrace of their mothers, physical touch always could calm people's nerves. That being said, as people have grown up, this physical contact has likely become less frequent. So, if someone is unconsciously touching their shoulder or hugging them, then take this as a compliment — the attraction might be mutual.
7. They subtly compliment you
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Throughout their life, most people might receive a compliment and not blink twice at it. From people complimenting their work ethic to their new hair, compliments have seemingly become more of a courtesy than a genuine comment. Yet, believe it or not, a sign of unspoken mutual attraction is if someone subtly compliments the other crush.
Now, these compliments aren't created equal. Someone complimenting a person on a job well done isn't secretly fawning over the other person. However, if this person notices the minor things about someone else or better yet, subtly says something along the lines of, "Wow, I noticed you changed your hair recently, it looks good," this isn't as normal as most would perceive it to be.
According to a 2021 study, most people under-compliment because they often undervalue their compliments. As a result, if someone is constantly subtly complimenting someone, this is a sign that they most likely view someone as more than just an acquaintance, possibly leaning towards mutual attraction depending on how they compliment them.
8. They laugh a lot around you
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It's always awkward when someone makes a joke that doesn't land well. Most people have been in a situation where they had to give a pity laugh so they wouldn't feel too guilty about making someone feel bad. That being said, a sign of mutual attraction is if they laugh a lot around you.
Most people who feel attracted to someone want to make a good impression on them. Feeling a slight desperation to want to connect and create positive memories together, they might laugh at a knock-knock joke that wasn't particularly funny. Yet, they aren't alone in this.
According to a study published in Evolutionary Psychology, the more men try to be funny and the more women laugh, the more likely she is to be interested. Though the same couldn't be said for women, another interesting finding was that if both parties laughed together, they were more interested in each other.
So, if someone truly wants to know how another person feels, be on the lookout for whether they laugh a lot. If so, then the mutual attraction felt could be reciprocated.
9. They give you special attention in group settings
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If someone is truly interested in someone, there's no length they wouldn't go to capture their attention. From corny jokes to making a complete fool of themselves, a sign of unspoken mutual attraction is if they give that person special attention in group settings.
If someone doesn't feel the same way, then the other person will know. Through their body language and actions, they'll show disinterest in the other person as a whole. For some, this might mean not asking good questions or only talking about themselves. For others, this might also mean completely ignoring them and pretending that they don't even exist.
So, the next time someone is in a group setting, be sure to pay extra attention to how they reacts towards you. If they are treating you the same as everyone else or ignoring you, then most likely they don't feel attracted to you. However, if they're staying close and are constantly trying yo get your attention, then congratulations! They most likely feel the same way.
10. They subtly compete for your attention
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If there's one thing people forget about human beings, it is that we are animals first. As a result of being animals, there are unexplainable behaviors that we adopt that stem from naturalistic instincts. Knowing this, a sign of unspoken mutual attraction is if they subtly compete for their crush's attention.
It's fair to say that human beings are competitive and territorial by nature. According to researcher and professor of Psychology Frank T. McAndrew, Ph.D., people are naturally territorial because, "People develop a sense of ownership over places where they spend a lot of time, and the intensity of our feelings increases with the time we spend there."
11. They groom themselves in your presence
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Finally, the last sign of unspoken mutual attraction is if they groom themselves in the other person's presence. Now, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look your best. Whether people like it or not, society is judgmental, and as a result, wearing sweatpants during a business meeting might not go well for the person in question.
In the same way, people have a deep understanding that looking their best in front of their potential partner bids well for them over time. Professor of Social Psychology Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., pointed out, "Physical attractiveness may serve as a gatekeeper directing us toward partners who are healthy, age-appropriate, and able to reproduce."
Because of this, people might unconsciously do their best to look their best for their crush. Though it might sound cliche, individuals will spend way too much time fixing their hair mid-conversation or adjusting their clothes while the other person isn't looking. This might sound unnecessary and even slightly ridiculous, but a study published in 2009 found that people choose relationships with those they find attractive.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.