3 'Overshares' That Can End A Man's Attraction To You, No Matter How Pretty You Are
The mistakes you're making that give men the wrong impression.
Budgeron Bach | Canva In my work with male clients, I am still surprised when I hear the array of horrific “dating don’ts " innocently committed by the most beautiful, educated, and seemingly “perfect” women. The results are tragic, and I feel confident that most of these women have no idea why they are not being asked on date number two or are ultimately not pursued after the red flags are hoisted, flown, and dominate the country of potential relationships.
What’s vital to know is that while you may say you would “never“ do these things, many small “errors” send men running for the hills in their Nikes.
Here are 3 'overshares' that end a man's attraction to you, no matter how pretty you are:
1. The medical 'overshare'
It may seem so innocent to share your medical history on a date, especially when the conversation merely started over your choice to say “no” to the gourmet macaroni and cheese your date offers you over the dinner table. However, it is not in your best interest to share your genetic disposition to high cholesterol, pull out the herbal tea you are drinking to cope with menstrual cramps, or even mention your brief experimentation with anti-anxiety medication to get through the recent death of the grandmother who practically raised you that is the reason you keep yawning over dessert.
While these facts do not indicate whether or not your values may match the man with whom you are having these conversations, the truth is that because he asked you out and chose to spend time with you, he may hear these conversational tidbits and fleetingly wonder if your children would have high cholesterol or be prone to anxiety.
Although I urge both men and women to enjoy a date without the pressure of “is this the one’ mentality and have a “human experience,” it is natural and normal for a man (or woman) to raise an ear to a piece of information that could be a potential red flag. Another thing to not do on a first date, according to a YouGov poll? Using your phone.
Don’t share any medical information on a 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd date. Save this information for later, when he begins to dig you, misses you between dates, and thinks you are positively adorable. Then, when the “ugly warts” start to be revealed slowly, he can put it in context of who you TRULY are.
2. The 'Get home safe' text
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The bottom line is this: It is not your responsibility to ensure your date gets home safely. Once you have expressed your gratitude for the date and praised him for the perfect setting and delicious desserts, it is your job to end the date with an encouraging smile (if, in fact, you want to have a second date). Expressing gratitude also helps improve your relationships, according to research from 2011.
Do not text him 30 minutes later to tell him his “smile is awesome” or “I haven’t enjoyed a date like this in a long time.” Most men will respond to this type of communication (whether conscious or unconscious): "YIKES.”
Men need room to pursue you. Give him space, give him time, and be patient. This approach emits feminine energy and enables you to experience the joy of being pursued.
3. 'Come on in!'
If a gentleman takes you out on Friday night and drives to your residence to pick you up for the date, do not take control of the evening and invite him in for appetizers, a glass of wine, or to “hang” while you finish getting ready. The truth is that a true gentleman does not want to be taken off course.
When you invite him in, he gets slightly confused, perhaps even agitated. The man who is genuinely looking for a quality long-term relationship wants to take you on the date he planned. He wants you to be on time and does not want to get into battling with himself over what this “detour” could mean.
Do you want to skip dinner to get frisky? Will this mean you are late for your reservations? Keep it simple, let him be in control, and avoid sending a potentially mixed message. Research from the Institute for Family Studies states that taking it slow in a new relationship can lead to higher relationship satisfaction.
Marni Battista is a Los Angeles-based certified life coach, the founder of Dating with Dignity and The Institute for Living Courageously, and the author of dating advice for women.