12 Signs Your Relationship Is Emotionally Immature
He's not just boyish ... he's still a boy.
Chrystya / Shutterstock One of my biggest issues in dating is that I tend to have a weakness for guys who are boyish and full of this fun-loving sense of adventure. There’s something about their carefree outlook that I just melt for.
I love how they love to party. I love their silly sense of humor. But on the flip side, while holding on to a degree of immaturity may be fun, too much can create problems in relationships.
Whether we like it or not, there is a certain level of emotional maturity you need before you can have a serious partnership that has the resilience and strong foundation necessary to go the distance.
What is emotional immaturity?
Emotional immaturity is an inability to manage, express or otherwise deal with emotions, particularly serious emotions, in an age-appropriate manner. People who are emotionally immature may react to situations in an outsized, childish manner.
Likewise, an emotionally immature relationship is one in which either or both partners engage in or enable inappropriate behavior that shirks the responsibilities associated with being an adult. This can be fun... until it inevitably catches up with you.
When it comes to how you relate to each other, a resulting inability to compromise and/or honor your commitments are likely to doom your relationship.
If you want your love to survive, you need to be sure it is emotionally mature enough to even have a chance.
12 signs of emotional immaturity that mean you have an immature relationship
1. One or both of you is deeply self-centered.
Beware the ones who can only talk about themselves and think about things that relate to them. This is usually a sign of narcissism, gross immaturity, or both.
After all, real adults get past the “me” phase of toddlerdom when they’re three or so. If they can’t see that there are other people in the world, they shouldn’t be in a relationship.
2. One or both of you cares (a lot) about the number of sexual partners the other has had.
If someone doesn't feel comfortable that their significant other person has had "too many" partners, they've got issues.
This isn’t just an insecurity thing, either. People who can’t understand that others are sexual beings who may have had a past before them have serious double standards in their minds.
With maturity, these double standards tend to fall by the wayside. However, it’s not your role to convince them of this. Your role is to find someone who likes you for your personality rather than your so-called “purity.”
3. One or both of you can’t discuss things that make you uncomfortable.
The biggest issue immature people tend to have in relationships is communication. Emotionally abusive behaviors like stonewalling, cold-shouldering, or lashing out in anger when your partner brings up something that’s bothering you are all indicative of someone who never learned how to talk things out in a civilized manner.
Unfortunately, this kind of behavior will kill even the strongest love you could have for them in time. (Trust me, I’ve been there.)
4. It seems like high school never ended.
We all know a person who never really matured beyond their high school years. These are the people who still can't stop thinking about who they've hooked up with and are obsessed with "being cool" and getting attention.
If they still act like they’re trying to show that they’re cooler than others, making mean digs at people they deem “nerds,” you can bet your bottom dollar that they will be a trainwreck within 10 years, tops.
5. One of you expects the other to be their full-time caregiver.
No one goes into a relationship wanting to be a parent to their romantic partner. If they expect you to financially support them, cook for them, clean up after them, and sexually pleasure them too, you’re going to be in for a bad time.
Immature relationships like this are just not healthy and often end with one partner deeply resenting the other.
6. One or both of you can’t take the blame for mistakes.
This isn’t just an immaturity issue — this is potentially a warning sign of a personality disorder. In a mature relationship, both partners can admit when they’re wrong.
If they can’t do that, there’s no way they can actually improve anything in situations where they've done something to put the relationship in jeopardy.
7. When something bad happens, one or both of you threaten to bail.
Nothing says a relationship is doomed like a partner who flees when things get really bad. If they leave you after you get a cancer diagnosis or you tell them you’re pregnant, you should never give them a second chance, no matter what the explanation is.
They've already shown you how immaturely they handle a crisis. Even if they've supposedly changed, it’s not a risk you want to take.
8. One or both of you push the other's buttons on purpose.
People who purposefully do things that provoke you or make you angry often do so because they can’t actually confront their own feelings about something you handled in a composed and mature way.
Even if it’s something subtle, this could still be considered abuse and is an indicator that the relationship isn’t worth pursuing on any level or for any reason.
9. One or both of you have absolutely no interest in a job or school.
This is scarily common in many people in recent years. Unfortunately, though, what hasn't changed is that you still need to make money to stay alive and enjoy things, like eating.
If they simply can't be bothered to spend any time looking for a job and spend all day on the couch, you need to cut them loose. It's highly unlikely they'll contribute much of anything in the long run.
10. One or both of you don't know how to act in a socially appropriate manner in public.
Things like belching, talking insanely loudly, or being rude may seem cute to you, but when you two have to go on double dates, it’s going to be embarrassing.
Even the most open-minded of people will wonder why you’re with them, and by the end of the night, you probably will be asking yourself the same question too.
11. One or both of you are constantly worried about what other people think.
Especially in light of the above, tthis may seem like a good thing (at first), but it’s not. If other people's opinions matter more than theirs or your own, you’re looking at an immature, approval-seeking slave to the whims of others.
They'll forget all about working toward progressing your relationship.
12. One or both of you turn into a doormat around your mom or dad.
Even if they're the CEO of a multimillion-dollar corporation, someone who is under the total control of one or both of their parents will not be a partner who is mature enough for you to marry.
Unless you want to deal with their mom as much as they do, it would be best to continue the search — for someone better.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer who mainly focuses on lifestyle, food, finance, and relationships.