3 Rules To Live By When You're Crazy In Love And It's Making You Irrational
Love hormones are intense but can be harnessed and controlled.
LuckyBusiness | Canva Our bodies are like thermometers — they tell us the temperature of our relationships. Our body chemistry is constantly speaking to us, informing us, supplying brain data that we process in milliseconds. It is dangerous, however, to let our bodies do our thinking. That's what our brain is for, and no other part of us can do it better.
For example, the hormone dopamine released during the initial "crazy in love" phases of a relationship is so powerful, that it actually reproduces the effects of cocaine in the body. Jitters, the rush of energy, the hyper-focus on everything related to this one person — this is what dopamine does.
This doesn't happen only during the puppy love stages of romantic relationships. Married, heterosexual women also swim in the hormones of their monthly cycles. If a woman finds her spouse sexy, this perception will be intensified during ovulation. The opposite is also true: if he's not her cup of tea, she might as well move out for the next five days.
The Atlantic wrote about additional research that says men, along with women, experience the rush of hormones, such as vasopressin and oxytocin, which are released right after sex. These "love hormones" promote social skills, conformity with others, and attachment. It's what makes you "cuddle" right after orgasm.
Left alone, humans would run on hormonal instincts like the rest of the animal world. We would only act according to what we feel. However, we have metacognitive skills: the ability to reflect and mediate our thoughts and feelings.
We truly are above our animal instincts. This is what makes us human.
Here are 3 rules to live by when you're crazy in love and it's making you irrational:
1. Know your cycles
Pay attention to your body's reactions and cycles. Are you a morning person? Are there certain foods that cause certain reactions? Are you sensitive to aphrodisiacs?
If you are a woman, keep a log for a few months to map out your moods throughout the month. Do you see a pattern emerging? It might feel forced to listen so intently to your body, but it does become second nature over time.
2. Use your insight
Knowing your body and cycles will inform your choices and decisions. Are you particularly susceptible to romance during certain times of the month? Decide if that is the best time to go on a first date, or if you will be better equipped to enjoy your date in a few days.
Perhaps you tend to use the after-sex high to get your spouse talking and engaged with you. Knowing this will create space for totally new conversations around your needs and healthier ways of meeting those needs without manipulation.
If you find yourself intensely disliking your partner regularly, maybe your body is using a megaphone to let you know it's time to dial in. Numbing yourself will only prolong undesirable situations, or prevent you from recreating pleasurable ones.
3. Own your power
There is no shame in being an emotional, sensational, biochemical being. When we are in touch with our bodies, we are also owning our sexuality and our power. Instead of giving in or giving up, we can choose to share our bodies for the pleasure of both people involved, without losing a thing in the process.
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If it doesn't feel good, if it doesn't work, if it's not safe, it is healthy and necessary to state it out loud and expect to be respected for it. Being in your body will also give you a deeper love for yourself, for what your biology is capable of, and a deeper insight into what it means to be wonderful.
Francesca Escoto is a life coach, author, and visionary leader who has been tapped by MIT Media Lab, WPI, Cosmo For Latinas, SXSW, Code2040, the Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers, NPR, and others to share her wisdom on their stages and pages.