10 Relationship Tests Your Partner Will Pass If You're Meant To Stay Married Forever
You'll have to make it through these relationship tests before you make it down the aisle.
IVASHstudio | Canva After many years of marriage, I have a deeper appreciation and understanding of marriage than I ever did as a young starry-eyed newlywed.
But that's the thing: there's so much about marriage — about the long-term consequences of joining lives with a messy, frustrating human, about the reality of changing alongside a changing partner — that's impossible to grasp without actually experiencing it.
At this point, I've lived through "worse" times, poorer times. My (now ex) husband almost died in an extreme example of "in sickness." Our vows were sufficiently tested. I know that real marriage is not a reflection of a carefully planned wedding day. Real life doesn't start on a tropical honeymoon — only if your partner can pass these relationship tests will you know if the partnership can stand the test of time.
The relationship tests your partner will pass if you're truly meant to stay married forever:
1. Get stuck in traffic for a few hours together
Then run out of gas miles from a gas station, while you're late for something important. We can all keep it together when things are going right. You need to witness each other's coping strategies when everything's going wrong.
How does he handle inconvenience? Does he blame you? The best marriage partner is someone who takes annoyances in stride and even laughs with you when things go wrong.
2. Be together for at least 24 PMS cycles
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Committing to a lifetime before he sees your full-blown PMS rage? You're rolling the dice, my dear. Look for someone who understands your different moods and can help you through them, versus someone who triggers even bigger reactions.
A partner's understanding of a woman's PMS symptoms is considered crucial for a healthy relationship, as it allows for empathy, support, and effective communication. A 2019 study found that it can significantly reduce the severity of PMS symptoms and enhance relationship satisfaction. A lack of understanding can lead to conflict and strain within the partnership.
3. Watch him take care of a sick, elderly person
How he treats the old and the young says a lot about his character.
4. Have him take care of you
You're vowing to stand by each other in sickness and health, so you should probably know if and how he takes care of you during an especially bad sickness. A 2022 study found that a partner who takes the time to care for you is crucial for a healthy relationship. This fosters a sense of security, intimacy, and emotional well-being.
The partner demonstrates their love and commitment while validating your needs, contributing to a strong sense of connection and belonging. Does he step up to the plate? Run and hide? Act seriously annoyed and burdened by your illness? You need to know these things!
5. Go on a cross-country trip with him
A two-week drive in a cramped car will bring all of your cranky, moody tendencies right to the surface. It'll also allow you to get lost, blow out a tire, run out of gas, and anything else that could go wrong.
Guess what, folks? Life — at some point or another — is going to go very wrong, and you'll have to navigate it together.
6. Invite your mother to stay for a week
Then say, "I'll probably turn into her. Still wanna marry me?" How he treats her and talks about her when she's not around will give you a sneak peek into your future.
7. Skip breakfast and lunch, and then go to dinner at a restaurant with really slow service
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If you see a rage-filled, whiny, miserable man sitting across from you you'll have to accept that part of him, too. And he'll have to accept your hangry rage as well.
8. Go camping on a cold, rainy weekend
Forget the tropics; sometimes marriage is damp, grey, and uncomfortable. Do you still enjoy being together?
9. Have at least one mega drag-down fight
You can tell a lot about a couple's longevity by the way they fight. And yes, the fights will happen, friends, no matter how calm and respectful and choose-your-battles rational you may be in those first few years.
One day the gloves will come off and you'll see each other's ingrained fight tactics. Does he hit below the belt, saying mean insults meant to hurt you? Does he shut down and give the silent treatment? Does he get too aggressive?
Does he lose his mind? Do you? You need to see just how deep the anger goes before saying "I do."
10. Have food poisoning together, in a small apartment with one bathroom
Now do you still want to get married?
Michelle Horton is a writer and advocate. Through the Nicole Addimando Community Defense Committee, she speaks out for her sister and the countless other victims of domestic violence criminalized for their acts of survival. She's the author of Dear Sister: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds.