4 Rare Qualities That Make A Marriage Just Work, According To Relationship Experts
Marriage isn't easy, but with some effort and understanding, it can last a lifetime.
Wavebreakmedia | Canva If you're married, you might remember the words. To have and to hold ... from this day forward ... as long as you both shall live. As long as we live? Hold on. That's (checks hourly health stats on Apple watch) at least another couple of months.
We love each other now, isn't that enough? Well ... not really, no. A 2023 study suggests that the primary purpose of marriage is to make a commitment to live one's life with another person. Your whole life, forever, 'til death do you part. That means you'd better make sure it's worth it.
How do you do that, though? Is there an established, scientific way to gauge the worth of a marriage? When you place your marriage on the figurative scale of life's priorities, does it hold its weight? If not, you might want to reassess things. Or, instead, you can seek reassurance in the responses from our panel of YourTango Experts to the question, "What rare characteristic makes a marriage worth it?"
Here are 4 rare qualities that make a marriage just work, according to relationship experts:
1. Your partner brings out the best in you
It’s not just about finding someone you like. It’s about liking who you are when you are with them.
People tend to bring out different sides of us. Do they motivate us? Make us feel at peace? Does the way they dress make you want to try harder to look nice? Does their work ethic make you want to work harder? Do they make you feel safe or playful? What effects do they have on you, and are they positive?
—Erika Jordan, love coach, NLP practitioner
2. You take risks together
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A rare characteristic that makes a marriage worthwhile is a shared willingness to take emotional risks that benefit both partners. This is expressed in communication, choices, and actions, among other aspects of the relationship.
—Ruth Schimel, Ph.D., career & life management consultant, author
3. You mutually respect each other
While many characteristics can make a marriage worthwhile, one rare and valuable trait is mutual respect. Mutual respect means that both partners in the marriage have a deep appreciation for each other's individuality, values, and needs. It involves treating each other with dignity, listening to each other's opinions without judgment, and supporting each other's aspirations and goals. When mutual respect exists in a marriage, both partners feel seen, heard, and valued.
They feel free to be themselves and express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or ridicule. This creates an atmosphere of trust and emotional safety, essential for a happy and fulfilling marriage.
Moreover, mutual respect helps couples to navigate disagreements and conflicts healthily and productively. Rather than attacking each other or resorting to hurtful language, couples with mutual respect can work together to find solutions that honor both partners' needs and desires. Overall, mutual respect is a rare characteristic that makes a marriage worth having because it fosters a deep connection between partners based on trust, appreciation, and support.
—Claire Waismann, Waismann Method and Domus Retreat Founder
4. You stay positive and laugh together
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Always see each other in a positive light, even when times are tough. Also, great senses of humor uplift each other. Both assume the marriage is worth having.
—Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, positive psychologist, author, filmmaker
Carter Gaddis is a writer and editor who spent 24 years as an award-winning sportswriter for newspapers in Florida and for various online publications, including ESPN, Parenting Magazine, and the St. Petersburg Times.
