5 Quiet Reasons Men Fall Out Of Love — That Have Nothing To Do With You
You aren't necessarily the reason he distances himself.
Saad Manzoor | Unsplash I wish love was perfect. I wish, when we fell for another person, everything just stayed the way it was in the beginning — simple, easy, effortless. But love doesn’t work like that, and life doesn’t work like that, either. Unfortunately, both women and men fall out of love. They change, they distance, and they realize that there’s something else out there that they want. So, they walk away.
It’s important to understand that, sometimes, the reason someone falls out of love isn’t about you at all, but about where that person is in life and where his/her head is. An article by Harvard cautions that it's important to remember that everyone experiences relationships differently, and the reasons for falling out of love can vary from person to person. If you’re with or have been with a man who has distanced himself from you, don’t always take responsibility.
Here are 5 quiet reasons men fall out of love — that have nothing to do with you:
1. They’re scared
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Men — just like women — get scared sometimes. Although mainstream culture has frowned upon male emotion for years, feelings are the same for both partners.
One of the biggest reasons why men fall out of love is simply because they’re scared. They’re scared of what love means, scared of the responsibility of taking care of someone else’s heart.
Although they might have jumped into the relationship with pure and honest intentions, when it comes down to it, the pressure is frightening. And so, they balk.
2. They’re simply not ready
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Love is a commitment. It’s choosing someone and then deciding that you’ll devote yourself to that person, prioritize that person, and be with that person, no matter what this crazy life brings.
Sometimes, men fall out of love because they’re not ready — they're not ready to commit, not ready to handle the maturity of a relationship, or not ready to let go of something from the past.
While there's no research directly linking a man's unwillingness to commit to falling out of love, one study suggests that such behavior could be a sign of a partner's dissatisfaction. Insecure attachment styles can contribute to a tendency to avoid commitment. Individuals with these styles may struggle with intimacy and may avoid becoming emotionally attached.
3. They are lonely and don't want to settle
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Just like women, men come into relationships with attachments and prior baggage. Sometimes, these are things that you can choose to walk away from. And sometimes, the burden is too heavy.
We think, at the start of a new relationship, that it’s easy to move on from the past. But we’re often surprised to find out that we’re still clinging to what was rather than what is. Sometimes, men fall out of love because they don’t want to settle or because they can’t truly devote themselves to a new connection when they still have feelings for an ex.
4. They confuse commitment with being 'stuck'
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Sometimes, we have this idea that relationships control us, that we’ll become ‘tied down’ or ‘stuck.’ In reality, that’s not the truth at all.
But if someone has that perception, it’s hard to commit to love without it feeling like a life sentence. If a man feels ‘stuck’ — even if it’s in his head and not a reality — he will probably walk away.
Societal expectations and personal experiences can contribute to a sense of being trapped, particularly when combined with a lack of communication skills or a focus on instrumental support rather than emotional support within relationships. Research indicates that men may prioritize instrumental support in relationships, while women tend to seek more emotional support.
5. They don't know what they want
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just don’t know. You just don’t know if you want to date seriously or keep it casual.
You don’t know if you’re with the right person or a temporary connection. Sometimes, it’s flakiness, and sometimes, it’s ignoring your gut feelings about someone.
And perhaps men fall out of love — not because they’ve stopped loving that person, per se — but because they’ve recognized flightiness in themselves.
Because they don’t know what they really want, they leave, thinking it’ll hurt less to bail now than somewhere down the road. There are a myriad of reasons, but what’s important to remember is that, sometimes, people (both men and women alike) fall out of love, and that doesn’t have anything to do with you.
Marisa Donnelly is a writer, editor, coach, and creative strategist who hosts the Vulnerability Podcast.
