Prepare To Be The Best Wife By Taking These 3 Little Steps
Three date nights designed to help you build the strongest partnership possible.
vladans | Canva Yay!! You’re getting married! You could not be happier, now you have a lot to do, and much to plan — flowers and dresses and rings and things — you know the drill. Your new life as a wife is just a few months ahead, and there is excitement in the air.
As you prep for the “The Big Day,” consider arranging three date nights to prepare to be the best wife on the planet.
Here's how to prepare to be the best wife with 3 steps
1. First date night: Conversation and clarity
This special date night is designed to evoke conversation and clarity about how to live together well and happily. On this particular date, you will have sincere, honest, and transparent conversations about what it takes to run a household. Think hard about all the chores, managing social calendars, cooking and shopping, financial management, laundry, and organizing the home.
Before you marry is the time to jump-start conversations about the ridiculously long ‘to do’ list of what used to be called, “women’s work,” but is more commonly known as “household management.” Write it all down, no filters, don’t hold back. As you go deeper and deeper into listing all household tasks, you and your mate will agree — there’s a lot to managing a home! And you’ve made the volume of work visible. The date cannot end until you have made, at least an attempt at, dividing and conquering the list, and delegating the tasks. Who’s going to do what? This tiny step to prepare to be the best wife means being honest about all the stuff you don’t want to, aren’t good at, or find tedious, mind-numbing, boring, or repetitive.
2. Second date night: Radical delegation
This special date night is designed to help ensure that the long, long list of household management responsibilities can be accomplished easily, and with love. Conversations delegating the list, and answering the question of “who’s going to do what?” — will likely skew toward, “Well, which of us is good at it?” Since we continue to raise girls into women, to notice and do everything at home, once she becomes a wife, that ridiculously long ‘to-do list” is going fall right on top of her like a giant set of shoulder pads.
This date night will explore, and have fun with the art and practice of “radical delegation.”
Typically, we delegate a job to the person best suited to the job. Since women are historically raised to do the job of household management, it’s hardly fair that she’s about to sign on to a long, married life doing pretty much all the household labor. Radical delegation means delegating a task regardless of who’s good at it! Crazy huh? The idea is to “get it done” so you both can go out to play and enjoy your married lives! It means becoming ok with ‘good enough’ versus ‘needing perfection.” If you both don’t want to do a chore, trade-off, or outsource.
Radical delegation shines a light on the value of chores. If no one wants to do it, weigh the cost of getting it done [or not done]. It also significantly lightens the mental load of emotional labor — greatly diminishing the weight on her shoulders. This tiny step in preparing to be the best wife, means you have become okay with good enough, and the philosophy of, “Let’s get it done so we can go out and have fun!
3. Third date night: Long-range anticipation
This special date night is designed to help keep your marriage solid through the years as you encounter every single obstacle and challenge life will throw your way.
The time to look ahead, look way ahead, is before you get married. There is a lifecycle to the 24/7 work of the household and household management. Tonight’s date looks into the future and anticipates how to manage family birthdays and holiday dinners. When kids come on the scene, how will you radically delegate all the additional work necessary for a growing family?
That’s right, I’m suggesting preemptive radical delegation. Why not? Look ahead to see what you can reasonably anticipate happening in the normal course of life events. Which of you will respond to school notices and other kids’ parties? In 20 years, one or more of your parents may need your support — how do you think you want to manage that? Of course, you’ll likely change your mind once it’s in your lap… but at least talk about it.
These tiny, but mighty, steps to prepare to be the best wife mean you’ve decided to respond, rather than react, to the obstacles and challenges along the way.
Dr. Regina Lark is a Certified Professional Organizer (CPO) and a Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization (CPO-CD).