11 Outdated Beliefs That Are Quietly Ruining The Lives Of Married Women
The real challenge lies in overcoming these old-fashioned ideas for the sake of a happier, more fulfilling marriage.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Marriage represents a beautiful chapter for many women. However, as they walk down the aisle and commit to forever, they may not be aware that outdated beliefs may quietly ruin their lives as married women. Regrettably, numerous women bear unrealistic expectations from a young age. With so much pressure on them to achieve flawless grades, impeccable appearances, fantastic careers, and ideal personalities, is it any surprise they unconsciously cling to these outdated notions?
The real challenge lies in overcoming these outdated beliefs. As Psychologist Terri Apter, Ph.D., perfectly explained, "Teasing out the double standard [between] women and men is a challenge. It challenges us by confronting people with bias and exposing previously ignored gender riddles."
These are 11 outdated beliefs that are quietly ruining the lives of married women
1. A wife should put her husband and children before herself
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Many married women strive to be the best wives and mothers possible. From working extra hours to prepare last-minute cupcakes for the school year's end to packing their husbands' lunches, these women prioritize their families over their own needs. Consequently, an antiquated belief that undermines the lives of married women persists: that a wife must prioritize her husband and children over herself.
Constantly prioritizing others' well-being over one's own can exhaust even the strongest women. A study published in Personality and Individual Differences reveals that many wives often prioritize the needs of others, believing that their family's well-being is just as important as their own. This strong appreciation for interpersonal relationships encourages them to focus on caring for others, sometimes at the expense of their own needs.
Of course, wives shouldn't always prioritize their own needs above their families'. Although self-care is crucial for anyone's well-being, there are moments when sacrifices are essential. It’s important to balance these sacrifices to avoid leaving wives feeling exhausted and resentful. If not, their marriage could suffer.
2. A good wife supports her husband, no matter what
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Being a supportive partner is important, especially when a husband receives a promotion or takes up a new hobby; a wife expresses her support and love. Yet, an outdated belief that a good wife must support her husband unconditionally silently harms married women.
There will always come a time when a wife must draw the line. From reckless actions to decisions that conflict with their moral beliefs, there will be moments when a wife should feel free to express her opinion respectfully. Despite the common belief that women should 'bear' it, suppressing those feelings has serious consequences.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicates that emotional suppression retains negative emotions while erasing positive ones. Therefore, while wives should encourage their husbands, it's also important to set boundaries and refrain from supporting them when they overstep.
Setting boundaries can be quite challenging, especially when it comes to being upfront with husbands about not being their support system. However, embracing honesty in a relationship can pave the way for both partners to truly understand each other, ultimately fostering a healthier and happier marriage in the long run.
3. A wife should stay in a toxic marriage for sake of the kids
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Most people don't jump into marriage expecting to get divorced. In an ideal world, married couples would stay together forever and work through their differences despite the challenges they may face. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out that way, and sometimes, divorce is necessary to protect the well-being of everyone involved.
That being said, an outdated belief that is quietly ruining the lives of married women is the sentiment that a wife should stay together for the children. Sure, children who are raised together in a two-parent household tend to benefit from this structure. However, there are exceptions to the rules.
A 2020 study highlights that household chaos can affect everyone in the family, often leading to low socioeconomic status and adverse outcomes. While many believe staying together is the best option, it's important to recognize that if a marriage involves neglect, abuse, infidelity, or toxicity, it may be healthier for everyone, especially the children, to go their separate ways.
Even when parents strive to shield their kids from the conflicts in their marriage, children are still able to sense these unhealthy dynamics, which can lead to them absorbing these toxic behaviors.
4. A wife should prioritize her family over her career
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It's beautiful for a woman to be married and create the family of her dreams. However, an outdated belief quietly ruining the lives of married women is the sentiment that a wife needs to sacrifice her career for her family. When women settle down, they often have two options: become a career-focused wife or eventually give that up to be a stay-at-home mom. Yet, these aren't the only choices women have to consider.
When a woman finds herself married to the right partner, there’s no need for her to sacrifice her career. Instead, both partners can create a schedule that suits them best. For some couples, this might mean the husbands take on more responsibilities to support their wives in pursuing their passions. In other families, it might mean that the husbands stay home while the wife takes on the role of the breadwinner.
Ultimately, the idea that a happy wife contributes to a happy life is more pertinent than ever. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family indicates that the happier a wife is, the more content her husband generally becomes. So, if someone has recently gotten married or feels unsatisfied staying home, don't hesitate to discuss other options.
5. It's the wife's responsibility to manage the house and childcare
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As time has progressed, men and women finally began to work similar hours as women working has become normalized. However, there's still an old belief that can impact married women, and that's the idea that a wife should handle the home and kids while husbands can relax.
It's essential to recognize that equality goes beyond just sharing the bills. True equality means sharing all those everyday tasks, like grocery shopping, making appointments, planning birthday parties, cleaning, and much more. We’re all in this together!
Many people may not fully understand the mental strain that chores can bring. A study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior highlights that women often face more negative impacts from childcare and household responsibilities. This difference is partly due to the additional mental load they handle. Yet, it's quite common for women to take on a larger share of these tasks, which can sometimes lead to feelings of unhappiness in their marriages.
So, to avoid this, it's important to be organized. It helps to plan out who does what chores, set a time to tackle them together, and always be open about your feelings. While it might initially feel awkward, the strongest marriages thrive on great teamwork.
6. A wife shouldn't question her husband's decisions
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A common misconception still affecting married women is that wives shouldn’t question their husbands' choices. Some husbands cling to outdated beliefs, thinking they should be the sole leaders of the household without truly valuing their wives' perspectives. This mindset often leads to reminders that they have the final say simply because they're men.
Yet, this view falls short when we see how women truly take charge every single day. Whether it’s working many hours, managing the household, nurturing the kids, scheduling appointments, or planning thoughtful surprises, women are constantly making important decisions for their families. Therefore, women must have a voice in all aspects of the relationship.
When deciding about finances or choosing a new place to live, husbands and wives need to listen to each other. If one partner feels ignored, it can create a rift that challenges the strength of their marriage. A 2022 study found that feeling listened to significantly reduces feelings of burnout, especially during uncertain times, highlighting just how essential it is to hear one another.
7. The woman is supposed to be the nurturer in marriage
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Many wives with social media accounts might encounter the old idea that it's a wife’s role to nurture a marriage, as if that's just a natural trait of women. While it’s true that women often show more empathy than men, thanks to various biological and cultural influences highlighted in a 2014 study, it’s important to recognize that being empathic and nurturing are not the same.
Retired clinical psychologist Leon F Seltzer, PhD, explained, "Researchers haven’t yet located a 'nurturing gene,' but it’s almost axiomatic that by nature, some individuals experience an inclination to serve others that far exceeds the norm." This nurturing disposition may cause wives to pamper those around them, sometimes leading to dependency issues. Additionally, it can become overwhelming — especially when nurturing individuals end up feeling burnt out because their loved ones continue to ask for more and more support. He further mentioned, "Given how you’ve 're-conditioned' them, they may be less and less ready to function as the adult they were before you started intervening on their behalf."
Nurturing is terrific, but just like everything else in life, finding that sweet spot of balance is important. So, to all the wives out there, don't hesitate to relax and let your husbands step in to nurture or pitch in now and then. Remember, a happy marriage thrives on a beautiful exchange of giving and taking.
8. Having children makes your marriage stronger
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Many people have encountered the old notion that for a marriage to thrive, wives should have children as soon as possible. While bringing children into the world can create bonding experiences that enhance a marriage, it’s also important to approach this decision thoughtfully.
Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Socio-Economics suggests that most couples don't see a boost in happiness from having kids. In fact, research from the University of Wisconsin-Madison indicates that some parents even feel less happy after welcoming children into their lives.
Should couples abandon their dreams of parenthood if research suggests it doesn't guarantee happiness? Certainly not. Couples should discuss what is best for them and their relationship. However, postponing parenthood for a bit longer may be beneficial, as spending an additional year together after marriage can help couples strengthen their bond, establish a harmonious routine, and enhance their overall connection.
9. Wives should be happy and never complain
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Every wife has likely encountered the idea that women tend to complain. As a result, many have absorbed the outdated belief that they should always appear happy and never express dissatisfaction with their husbands. But what message does this send to a wife? Even more importantly, what happens when she can't communicate her feelings?
Everyone wants to feel heard and have their emotions acknowledged. Being listened to is vital in any relationship. It can make a meaningful difference in maintaining a marriage or facing serious challenges.
Unfortunately, many women sense that their feelings and concerns are often overlooked. When they share their frustrations about household responsibilities, it can feel like their voices go unheard. To create a more supportive environment, husbands can take responsibility by setting reminders during the day. While it might feel a bit bothersome, most caring husbands would likely prefer this small hassle over facing more significant issues down the road.
10. If a woman stays home, she's not contributing equally to the marriage
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There's a common belief on social media that staying home and caring for the kids is the ultimate soft life. However, this idea misses the mark. The reality is that there's often no reward for tirelessly working at home without tangible benefits. Many brave mothers who stay home face criticism, making them feel their contributions don’t count. Yet, countless mothers juggle multiple roles — raising children, cooking, cleaning, and driving around — often without receiving the pay they truly deserve.
Additionally, it's important to acknowledge that her mental health can be deeply affected by the constant routine of staying at home. According to a study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, stay-at-home mothers who don’t receive payment often experience poorer physical and mental well-being.
If you are a wife and a stay-at-home mom, remember that your work is incredibly valuable — never let feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness creep in. Not only does your role help save money, but it is also a demanding job that can often leave you feeling drained, and it deserves recognition and appreciation.
11. A wife should always forgive and forget for the sake of keeping peace
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Another lingering belief that impacts the lives of married women is the notion that a wife should forgive and forget to keep the peace. Let's be honest: forgiveness is not always easy. When someone you love hurts you, it can sting deeply for many reasons. If a husband lets down his wife or breaks a promise, it's entirely valid for her to share her disappointment. It's perfectly alright for her to take the time she needs to heal, and it's okay if she doesn't forget.
It's important to remember that hurt can go deep, and rebuilding trust isn't just about saying sorry; it’s a heartfelt journey that takes time and compassion. Depending on the severity of the hurt, seeking counseling can be a constructive step.
While husbands might want to steer clear of intense emotions, they should remember that avoiding the hurt only allows resentment, and eventually contempt, to grow, which can lead to divorce.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.