Newlywed Reveals Why Couples Who Wait A Long Time To Get Married Are Doing It Right
Never rush into a marriage — the longer you wait, the more certain you’ll feel.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock If there’s one thing you should avoid doing in a relationship, it’s rushing into marriage. While every relationship is unique in its own way, marriage is a long-term commitment that you want to make sure you are absolutely positive about.
There are a myriad of factors and experiences to consider before deciding whether or not to get married, and there are various perspectives on the topic.
One married woman sparked a debate after suggesting that couples should know if they’re ready for marriage within 2 years.
The woman, who goes by @queenofswords555 on TikTok, took to the app to share her “two-year relationship mark.”
“If you don’t know if you want to marry someone after being in a relationship with them for two years, to me, it’s a no, you don’t,” the woman claimed in her video.
She asked TikTokers to take her views with a grain of salt, clarifying that she did not mean couples should get married within two years; rather, they should know if they want to by then.
She emphasized how spending two years in a relationship should solidify the couple’s long-term relationship goals. After the honeymoon phase begins to wear off, couples have the opportunity to get to know each other more honestly during their second year together.
“Year two is when the struggles come, and you can’t really hide who you are anymore,” she said. “You know who that person is, and they should know who you are. Obviously, there’s more contextual factors that go into this.”
She made a valid point, suggesting that after two years if individuals still feel uncertain or unserious about their partners, a long-term commitment is likely not in the cards.
TikTokers were on the fence about her argument.
“I think there's a difference between wanting to marry them and [being] ready for marriage,” someone commented on the video. “I knew after two months, but we weren't ready for almost four years.”
“You need to see them grow. Sure, people can change a lot in two years — but if you give it three to five, it will really show you a better picture of how they handle highs and lows and how they change/grow,” another commenter argued.
Another newlywed woman explained why couples who wait before getting married are going about it the right way.
The woman, who goes by @thespanishchick, stitched a response to the first woman’s video offering her take on the subject. She explained she has been married to her husband for one year, but they have been together for nine years.
“This is the hill that I will die on,” she emphasized. “You can know you want to marry somebody within two years, within two weeks, two months — that doesn’t mean you should get married.”
“You should not get married until your relationship has been tested,” she stated.
She argued that it’s easy to tell your partner how much you love them and assure them you’ll always be there for them, but you won’t actually know this until you live through these types of experiences together.
She offered some examples of relationship tests, like experiencing family emergencies, getting laid off, and becoming immobilized, among countless other challenges.
“There are so many factors that go into making a successful relationship and a successful marriage,” she asserted. “You could have a good time with anybody, marry somebody you could have a bad time with. Marry somebody you could go through a really bad time with and come out the other side stronger and more in love.”
Marriage is a life-changing business contract that should not be treated lightly.
She added how couples should only agree to get married once they have lived through relationship challenges in real-time, as marriage is a legally binding business contract until death, and it should never be approached casually.
“You are binding your assets, your rights, your entire livelihood to this other person who you love so much,” she expressed. “[It] hits the fan; you now have to go fight against them to continue living a relatively normal life.”
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Regarding her decision to get married, she explained that she took her time, had high standards, and wasn’t the same person she was eight years ago.
“There’s so much that goes into making a marriage work,” she said. “There needs to be multiple conversations. What do each of you want out of a marriage? Why do you want to get married?”
Dating coach Amy Nobile would agree. She stressed that there's no magic amount of time a couple can date that will ensure their marriage will last, but, as she explained to theknot, "I want people to know that they have to ask the tough questions upfront in a relationship before they know if it's right to be engaged to somebody."
Always take your time when developing your connection in a relationship.
There’s certainly validity to the phrase, “When you know, you know,” when it comes to meeting “the one,” but allow time to define just how resilient your connection is.
Additionally, not every couple’s goals center around marriage — many couples aim to spend their time together cultivating an intimate and powerful bond as they navigate life’s highs and lows together.
We all get excited about the prospect of marriage, but you can always get married later in life once you are absolutely certain about such a commitment.
In essence, never rush into a marriage, and trust your instincts above all else.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.