3 Tiny Changes That Make It Easier To Be Honest With Your Man
Men say they want honesty and we say we want to be honest. So why doesn't it work that way?
Jacob Lund | Canva Can you tell a man everything on your mind — even the not-so-pretty stuff? And can it bring you closer together? If you do it right, you can.
Has a man ever told you of some plans he had to hang out with his friends or travel somewhere by himself for whatever reason, and you pretended to be perfectly okay with it because you didn't want to seem needy? It was never true, you were just afraid to tell him the truth?
If so, I bet when he came back, and all those hurt, angry feelings came out, and then he withdrew, and then there was a wedge between the two of you. You might conclude you can't be honest with a man when, in reality, a little tweaking in terms of timing and delivery can make all the difference.
Three tiny changes that make it easier to be honest with a man
1. Stop avoiding the issue and start speaking up
Here's something you may not know about men or even agree with, but it's true. A man wants you to be honest and straightforward with him. This is what men like so much about the way they can communicate with each other. And it drives them nuts when you aren't open and direct.
If they are planning something you disagree with, they want you to let them know at the start — as soon as possible — before it becomes a bigger issue or concern.
Here's the beauty of telling a man what you think early on: it allows you to communicate in a way that is less combative and negative than it would be if you were to have it fester in your mind for a while.
2. Understand the real reason he gets upset with you
Emotionally mature men don't automatically get upset when you let them know how you feel about something. They get upset when they see that you are upset. For most men, when a woman tells them something that isn't great about their relationship, men take it very personally. He'll instantly feel like you are blaming him — even though you might not be.
Why? Men like to think and believe the woman they're with respects them and sees them as great. When a woman shares something that isn't perfect, he takes it as you telling him he is not good enough. He might not see it from the perspective of what happens in your relationship that can easily be changed or improved.
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To stop this cycle of him feeling criticized or like he doesn't please you, first find a safe space before you talk and share your feelings with him. Here's how to do it.
3. Create a safe space for both of you to open up
By safe, I mean telling a man what you think, feel, and need will not jeopardize your connection but make it stronger.
Here’s your action plan. Sit down with him today at a time when you're both settled and relaxed. Then tell him you respect his feelings and appreciate the way he respects yours. (If you don't believe this right now, simply the act of communicating these words will have a profoundly positive effect on him and help create more respect and appreciation — because you get what you give!)
Then explain that communicating as early as possible and allowing that safe space to tell each other how you feel and that you need to be open and honest with each other at the moment is crucial to your happiness — his and yours.
What you're doing here is essentially agreeing together to accept and allow for each other's feelings — regardless of whether they happen to please the other person at that moment. This kind of authentic honesty is the first step and the only path to a real secure lasting relationship where both partners know their feelings are heard and respected.
Christian Carter is a dating coach and author of the e-book Catch Him & Keep Him. He has helped more than three million women become more successful with men, dating, and relationships.