6 Little Things Men Wish Women Would Do More In Relationships, According To Psychology
Other than more intimacy, of course.
Polina Tankilevitch | Canva As a relationship coach, I was curious about what it was men wished women would do more of in a relationship. So, I asked men what they most want from the women they're involved with or dating regularly, other than lots of physical intimacy.
If you've ever wondered what you can do to make your man feel loved, what you think might miss the mark. Their answers surprised me, so I am sharing them with you.
The 6 things men wish women would do more of in relationships, according to psychology:
1. Give them the option to not be physically intimate
Diana Light | Pexels
Interestingly, while physical touch was a theme for all of the guys, the option of just cuddling was important as well. Men love to be intimate physically, but they also want to feel confident that they can tell their partner that they can’t or don’t want to and that it will be okay. So accept that sometimes your man can just say "no." Perhaps he will rub your feet instead.
2. Help them feel that they are not obligated to do everything you want to do
Toa Heftiba Şinca | Pexels
AKA the mission creep. This was a term that I had never heard of before but all of the guys knew exactly what it was when I asked them. The definition of mission creep is "a gradual shift in objectives during a military campaign, often resulting in an unplanned long-term commitment."
As applied to relationships, mission creep points to the shift that happens over time where a man is obliged to do whatever his woman wants. Dinner with her parents instead of a night out with the guys. Hanging out with her friends instead of his because she thinks they are bozos. No more martinis because they make him act stupid.
Rules. Rules that didn’t exist at the start of the relationship — but crept in slowly.
Here are the solutions, as suggested by a man:
- Manage the mission creep so that you are both happy with how things are going.
- Give your man one weekend a month where he can do anything he wants (mostly).
Be honest with yourself. Is there mission creep in your relationship? If so, make a plan to change.
Research from Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests a symbiosis between romantic and platonic relationships, suggesting that one can benefit the other. For example, marital conflict can trigger unhealthy changes in cortisol levels, but that harm is buffered when spouses feel they have adequate social support outside the marriage.
3. Remind him that he's special
Ketut Subiyanto | Pexels
Our lives are chaotic, jam-packed, and exhausting. At the end of the day, who wants to put out any more energy than is necessary?
But think about it. Think about how amazing it would feel for your partner to bring you flowers or plan a night out or tell you that you are beautiful. Pretty amazing, right?
So do the same for your partner. One guy suggested that you plan a weekend away. Or arrange and pay for the room. Maybe schedule something that he would want to do with you. Make it all about him.
Another guy said, "Ask if I would like a beer. Or if I would like to sit and watch a movie with them. Or make me something to eat. Something that shows they are tuned into the smaller things in life that make me happy."
Researchers from the American Psychological Association have found that using words of affirmation in relationships strengthens communication between partners. You are showing your partner that you notice and appreciate them. When your partner feels appreciated, they will likely experience a more profound satisfaction with themselves and the relationship.
4. Let him be friends with other women
Ivan Samkov | Pexels
This one is straightforward. Your guy had girlfriends before you met him. They were his friends and he never slept with them or wanted a romantic relationship with them because they were his friends. Why, if he is in a happy, committed relationship with you, would he want anything more from them now?
So trust him. Let him be friends with girls. You like being friends with girls because they are fun and willing to go deep and be thoughtful. Let him have friends with whom he can be himself, where he has nothing to prove.
Research findings showed that “having supportive friendships in old age was a stronger predictor of wellbeing than having strong family connections.” Moreover, we tend to be happier when we have at least some good friends outside of our relationship, perhaps because we don’t rely exclusively on our spouse for emotional support.
5. Think before reacting negatively
Alex Green | Pexels
One of the guys said the following: "Take a minute or two of contemplation to respond to a comment that might strike them as negative and discuss their feelings rather than jump to conclusions that get internalized."
This makes sense. And it’s incredibly difficult! To try to pause before you react, to understand where the statement is coming from, and to try to respond in a way that is productive, understanding, and respectful.
Research findings from the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs support that the benefits of being less reactive can dramatically improve the quality of all your interactions with others. This will significantly impact your closest relationships—including your romantic partnership—since these are the people you interact with most often and are likely to experience all sides of you.
6. Feel comfortable in your own skin
William Fortunato | Pexels
This guy’s response was so perfect that I am going to let him say it:
"We like your dimples, your rumples and, no matter what you might think, we find all of you attractive."
Ready to give him what he wants? We all, men and women both, really enjoy being in a relationship. And we, women, usually know exactly what we want and our men do their best to provide those things for us.
But, so things don’t get lopsided, we must make an effort to do the same for our men. So pay attention. Try some of the things above. See what happens.
Mitzi Bockmann is a certified life and relationship coach. She has over 10 years of experience in helping people find happiness in life and love.