The 6 Least Important Things You Should Look For In A Partner, According To Psychology
As you mature and evolve as a person, make sure your dating standards do as well.
Brooke Cagle | Unsplash Life in your mid-20s was consumed by a new career, moving out, embarking on new adventures, making new friends, and casually dating. As you've evolved throughout adulthood, so have your dating standards. Some qualities you thought were necessary for a significant other to possess then are the polar opposite of what you seek out today.
Here are the 6 least important things you should look for in a partner, according to psychology:
1. A perfect 10
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At 25, good looks may have been the determining factor for whether you continue to see someone or not. You may have even given someone the boot for not having your preferred eye color. If you no longer see this as a viable reason to not date someone, you are headed down the right avenue of maturity.
Remember that while physical attraction plays an important role in every relationship, emotional attraction will make you desire your partner even more. Good looks may lure you to someone, but integrity, honesty, kindness, and humor make you stay with them. Physical attraction may have been an initial attention grabber, but character is the glue to the success of your relationship.
Research studies consistently indicate that while physical appearance may play a role in initial attraction, factors like personality, kindness, intelligence, and shared values are often considered more important for long-term relationship satisfaction, suggesting that physical appearance is not the primary determining factor in choosing a partner. Many studies show people prioritize non-physical traits when selecting a mate, according to 2017 research published in Evolutionary Psychological Science.
2. Never been married before
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"When you're young, someone who's divorced can look like a loser. But he or she may have learned a lot of valuable things and can be a better partner because of the divorce," said Tina B. Tessina, PhD, psychotherapist and author of Dr. Romance's Guide to Dating in the Digital Age.
You quickly abandoned the thought of dating a divorcee at 25, but now it's time to adopt a more realistic outlook. Most people who have been divorced strive to make their new relationships more meaningful to avoid the same problems they encountered in their previous marriage.
Research published in 2017 about dating after divorce has found that new relationships can be beneficial and help people adjust, but it's essential to take your time and be emotionally ready.
3. Shares exact same interests
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Am I deeming sharing interests with your significant other as unimportant? Of course not. Values and morals are components that should align with your partner no matter what age you are.
However, with age should come maturity, and accepting differences should reflect that maturity. Having some separate interests can create a well-balanced, healthy relationship. Dating and relationship writer Lori Bizzoco asks a vital question: "How do you grow as a person if you choose a partner who likes everything you do?"
4. An impressive career
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Seeking out men or women pursuing impressive careers (e.g., doctors, lawyers, CEOs of businesses, etc.) may have been the trendy thing to do in college or while flirting with guys at the bar in your mid-20s, but you've retired that tactic as you've grown older. In terms of finding someone with an "attractive" job, "as long as your honey can pay the bills, it's much more important for him or her to have work that is meaningful than to have one of the impressive jobs," said Tessina.
Plus, someone with a less demanding job may have more time and energy to invest in your relationship. A 2009 Cambridge study found that British men’s mental health is more adversely affected by job insecurity than women’s, though we’d prefer not to admit it. “Despite several decades of more equal employment opportunities for men and women,” Dr. Brendan Burchell says, “men retain traditional beliefs that their masculinity is threatened if their employment is threatened.” It’s no wonder, then, that men have also reported a higher rate of decreased desire because of job insecurity as compared to women.
5. Substantial wealth
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At some point or another, every young person has the fantasy of finding someone who can financially support his or her needs. Thankfully, this concern has dwindled. "In a world obsessed with material objects, young people who have money, who can pay the check, can support their needs," Bizzoco said.
Instead of wanting to be with a person who can support your shoe obsession, you should now yearn to find someone with the same approach to spending and saving money.
6. Highly educated with multiple degrees
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Motivated and educated individuals are attractive at every stage of life. But you're no longer looking for someone with an overload of degrees like you may have at 25.
Being in a relationship with someone who isn't Harvard or Yale-educated doesn't mean you're settling. It just means you've realized there are more ways to learn than higher education.
Switching gears from dating "wants" to "needs" in a relationship, as you mature, gives you the best possibility to find a real relationship. Adding more life experiences (and evaluating those experiences) can lead you to the right path of dating success. Being honest about what will make you happy and giving chances to people who don't hit 100 percent of your checklist will maximize your chances of meeting the right person.
While men’s good economic prospects have long been positively associated with marriage, the positive link between women’s education and marriage is more recent. There has been much interest, for good reason, in the changing nature of the relationship between education and marriage.
Instead, we found that college negatively affected marriage chances for the least advantaged men and women. Our results lend support to an alternative hypothesis that places greater weight on the social and cultural factors that influence matching in the marriage market. Despite declines, ascriptive-based sorting has long been at play in matching men and women in the marriage market, according to a 2013 study.
Stefanie Safran has been in the matchmaking industry for over fifteen years. As a matchmaker and dating coach, she is committed to helping daters achieve an honest and ethical approach.