The One Issue That's Most Often The Root Of All Marital Discord, Says Research
The issue that makes the world go around and relationships break down.
Antonio_Diaz | Canva One of the many reasons for fights in a marriage is around finances, and couples so often are unaware of how to address the marriage and money. In a romantic relationship, no matter how much the couples love each other, they can have quarrels regarding money. Unfortunately, there are times when things get out of hand. A simple disagreement regarding financial issues can turn into something that could destroy the marriage.
The one issue that's most often the root of all marital discord is money and here's why, says research:
1. People often have differing points of view about money
A study in the The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows how money problems can arise when one spouse is logical, and the other is emotional.
Having different points of view when it comes to money can appear as one spouse who thinks of money as a boost of confidence or self-esteem while providing for the family. For the other, money might be seen as a source of security in times of trouble. This difference, which some couples are not even aware of, can cause arguments.
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2. Money takes work and time
It has been the norm to let one partner take all the financial responsibilities. This can be from purchasing an expensive item to an extravagant dinner or a simple ice cream on a hot sunny day.
But sometimes, they have to realize money does not grow from trees. You need to work hard to earn money. When the time comes that financial problems are at your doorstep, arguments, and fights come along with it. What used to be a sweet and intimate relationship becomes a battleground for harsh words, as supported by research published in the Family Relations Journal.
3. Talking about money is stressful
Money is a sensitive topic when it comes to relationships, and you have to be aware that marriage and money go hand in hand. That is why some people try to avoid it and hope they will be able to avoid fights over money. But avoiding the topic of money is just like running and trying to hide from the inevitable. And no matter how much you run and hide, it will someday find you.
4. Often, one person controls the purse strings
When only one person in the marriage is involved with money matters, problems may arise and it can become financially abusive as demonstrated in research conducted through the University of Guelph, Ontario. This usually happens when the not-so-financially involved person is caught off guard by their financial situation like their credit card limit has been exceeded or items being purchased without their knowledge.
So, in marriage, it is important both parties have to partake in financial matters. Discussing financial matters together will also be a big help in keeping the financial war at bay. Consult each other before making any purchases, and plan for your monthly expenditure and savings.
5. Mismatched financial goals can cause overspending
Shopping! Shopping! Shopping! This is usually the problem for persons with partners who are shopaholics they buy and buy and buy. The International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study that suggests how this can become a problematic situation when one partner does not know how to prioritize the financial needs in the marriage.
Instead of contributing to a share of the monthly bills, they buy a designer set of clothes they saw on television.
Prioritization is the main goal here. You must let your overspending partner realize there are more important things to take care of than buying and shopping for items.
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6. There may be contempt about who makes more money
This topic is an age-old problem for couples, as explored by a study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. This is more prevalent in marriage wherein one makes more money than the other, and the former tries to take control of the relationship with their financial prowess.
Of course, the other is unlikely to want to take this lying down. Sooner or later, they will retaliate, and when that happens, the love relationship becomes a bad relationship.
Whatever kind of problems relating to your marriage and money can be solved by communicating with each other. Do not let your negative emotions get the best of you. Learn how to listen and learn how to compromise.
Christina Young is known as "The Healing Heart Coach" through her work as a surviving infidelity expert and relationship coach.