10 Emotional Shifts That Make People Fall Out Of Love, According To Psychology
Quiet emotional changes that often signal the beginning of the end.
Gabriel Dizzi | Unsplash People describe falling out of love in lots of different ways. We talk about feeling like the spark is gone or realizing the person we fell in love with just isn’t there anymore. Even if it feels like the person who just broke your heart suddenly woke up one day and decided they didn’t love you anymore, there’s probably more to it than that.
People fall out of love for all kinds of reasons, including some reasons we’ll probably never understand. But when you’re nursing a broken heart, you want answers, and when you want answers, “I just don’t feel the same” isn’t going to cut it.
Essentially, the person who fell out of love with you just canceled your flight and left you stranded. While we can’t book your next flight for you, we can help provide some answers. At the end of the day, no two relationships fall apart in the same way, but here are some of the most common reasons people fall out of love.
Here are 10 emotional shifts that make people fall out of love, according to psychology:
1. They stopped communicating
The conflict went unresolved, needs went unexpressed and affirmations went unspoken. If good communication is key to building a healthy relationship, the lack of it can surely dissolve one.
2. They took each other for granted
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It's easy to assume that love is unconditional and to subsequently get lazy with each other. When respect and kindness disappear, so can love. Taking each other for granted in a relationship, a common occurrence as routines set in, can significantly impact the feelings of love and affection, leading to a decline in connection and potentially falling out of love.
A 2019 study found that this happens because love requires active maintenance, and neglecting the small gestures of appreciation can create resentment and distance over time.
3. Their expectations weren't met
In the beginning, it's easy to accommodate your partner's needs and wishes. Over time, however, people often default to "just being themselves" and stop bending to the expectations of their partner if those expectations are not shared.
4. They discovered something new about his/her partner
Betrayal can radically alter how someone feels about their partner. Discovering that your partner has hidden something from you, cheated on you, or behaved in a way that's inconsistent with who you thought they were can do irreparable damage to the relationship.
Discovering new and unexpected information about a partner, particularly if it reveals negative traits or actions, can significantly impact the emotional bond and lead to a decline in romantic love. A 2024 study concluded that discoveries about a partner can also change a person's expectations and perceptions about the relationship's future. Individuals may question the relationship's viability if the negative aspects are seen as incompatible with long-term goals.
5. Their jealous streak took over
Yes, it's reassuring to know that your partner wants you for himself. But when jealousy takes over, there's no room for trust.
6. The relationship wasn't built on a solid foundation
If the relationship started poorly, moved too fast in the beginning, or was the product of an affair, it's likely not rooted enough to withstand time or overcome any real relationship obstacles.
Research suggests that relationships not built on a strong foundation, often characterized by a lack of trust, open communication, and shared values, can lead to declining feelings of love and, eventually, falling out of love. These foundations are essential for navigating life's challenges together and maintaining connection and intimacy.
7. They were incompatible
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As a couple gets to know one another better — and the initial fireworks die down — they may discover that their lifestyles, priorities, and values don't align.
8. They were bored
Or exhaustion. The relationship has either lost its spark or become too much work for one or both people to handle. Boredom in a relationship can significantly impact its long-term satisfaction and potentially lead to feelings of falling out of love.
Boredom is often a sign that something in the relationship needs attention and can be a red flag, especially when experienced consistently. While not always inevitable, research has shown that boredom can contribute to declining relationship satisfaction and potentially lead to separation.
9. They experienced a major life event
She's given birth and he no longer sees her as a lover, just as a mother. He gets fired and suddenly retreats into depression and refuses her help. Instead of embracing life's adventures together, some couples crack under the pressures of hardships or the unknown.
10. They realized it was lust, not love
Lust can disguise itself as love. Once the honeymoon is over, however, it can also leave a relationship feeling empty and lacking.
Like other aspects of life, love can evolve and change over time. One study explained that it's not necessarily a reflection of the initial love being fake but rather a natural part of how relationships and feelings can shift.
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