10 Traits Of Untroubled Couples Who Create Their Own Happiness, According To Psychology
Don't let love fizzle after a few years.
Mixmike | Canva No one likes to admit it, but the truth is many relationships start to fizzle out after a few years. Whenever you enter into a serious relationship with someone, you want the relationship to be just as strong and untroubled after five years as it was when you first started dating.
But the reality is as time goes on, many couples will find the passion and happiness that brought them together starts to die out. Some couples will learn to overcome this and get their passion back in their relationship. Others will just learn to cope with the relationship as it is (we have all met those couples, ones who should probably break up or divorce, but for some reason, won’t). And finally, some couples decide to create their own happiness.
Here are traits of untroubled couples who create their happiness:
1. They regularly share gratitude
With long relationships, it’s very common to forget to compliment your partner. We get used to our partners doing everyday tasks, we forget to be appreciative.
For example, in long-term relationships, one partner usually does not thank the other when they cook dinner. But, even a simple “Thanks honey for taking the time to prepare this meal” can help your partner feel appreciated.
If your partner does not feel appreciated, resentment starts to build. When resentment builds up, it inevitably leads to fights and screaming matches. So, just take the time to throw out a thank you every once in a while — research from The Personal Relationships Journal shows your relationship will be better off for it.
2. They regularly share compliments
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Couples in long-term relationships tend to stop hearing (and giving) compliments regularly. You get so used to each other you do not feel the need to tell each other how attracted you are to one another. Even a very small compliment like “You look good tonight” can go a long way.
Men and women like compliments about their appearance, but it is not controversial to say men will generally get more mileage out of this tip than women will.
3. They rekindle their intimacy
A healthy intimate life is an important part of a romantic relationship, as supported by research from The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. It does not matter if you have been married for 10 years or dating for 1, a healthy intimate life is crucial to making a relationship work.
In many long-term relationships, when the quality of the intimacy starts to go down, the relationship follows shortly after. If you and your partner are having relationship issues, then you might want to consider examining your intimate life and address these issues quickly. It starts by discussing it.
4. They choose their words carefully
Whoever said “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was not in a relationship.
It may sound odd at first, but the words you use in a relationship matter. What may sound normal to you may sound hurtful to your partner. This often happens when one partner has an issue (overeating, not helping around the house, etc.) and the other tries to address it. An American Psychological Association (APA) study suggested that if you are not careful with your word choice, you could end up hurting your partner.
So, when you talk to your partner, learn to choose your words carefully, especially in sensitive situations.
5. They change things up
Routine has caused the death of many a relationship. People get bored of the same things over and over again. Eventually, they get so bored they start looking to change things in their lives, which may lead to them becoming discontent with the relationship.
The way to avoid this is to try and be spontaneous, according to an APA study. If you usually eat meals at home every night, try taking your partner out on a spontaneous date to a restaurant.
Or, go home to share the news you planned a weekend getaway for the two of you.
6. They cut off toxic influences
It is very easy for one or two influential people to destroy an otherwise healthy relationship. If you notice there is a toxic influence on your relationship, then you should move to cut them out.
This is often easier said than done. For example, a toxic influence could easily be your partner’s parents or siblings. That is when you sit down and explain to your partner why you believe a person or person is a toxic influence and why you want to cut them out of your life.
7. They set up alone time
A big issue with many relationships, as supported by APA research, especially ones where the 2 partners live together, is it can be hard to find time to do things on your own.
No matter how much 2 people love each other, they will get sick of seeing each other 24/7. So, sit down with your partner and set some designated alone time, where each of you can do what you want.
8. They develop mutual interests
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While practicing your hobbies and setting aside time to do those hobbies is fine, you should also make sure to have some mutual hobbies with your partner.
Now, these don’t have to be extravagant hobbies, but the hobbies should be something you both enjoy. So, even if your only hobby involves watching television together, that is fine, the important part is you do stuff together.
9. They learn to set boundaries
If your partner is doing something you do not like, the secret is not to just lie down and accept it. Research from Personality and Environmental Issues recommends you should set strict boundaries and let your partner know whatever they are doing is not acceptable.
For example, if your partner is staying out later with their friends on weekends, then let them know why you do not like the behavior and why they need to change it. Be understanding, but at the same time make sure you are firm.
10. They learn to listen
When your partner wants to vent, they will likely come to you first (unless you happen to be the source of the frustration, but that is a whole other issue).
You need to be willing to sit down and listen to them. Even if your partner is being irrational, just let them vent. If you don’t, then your partner may feel like you are not empathetic or you do not understand their issues. Both of these feelings can lead to resentment building up in your partner.
So, next time your partner comes to you angry about something, pull up two chairs and let them vent.
If you implement even one of these tips, you’ll see dramatic improvements in your relationship.
Raza Imam is a blogger, best-selling author, and coach who helps others to find the focus to change their lives.