5 Boomer Relationship Rules That Still Work Like Magic Today
Advice your Boomer mom (or grandmother!) wishes she could have told you.
Stokkete via Shutterstock When it comes to dispensing knowledge on dating and relationships, there are undoubtedly some things everyone needs to learn. While Boomers may have some outdated ideas about how relationships should work, there are a few pieces of Boomer relationship advice many of my friends received that I did not.
The most amazing part? This Boomer dating advice holds up for any generation!
Five Boomer relationship rules that are still magic today
1. Timing is more important than love
It's possible your mother imparted to you the infamous "timing is everything" wisdom, but it's more possible she opted for the far more optimistic: "Love conquers all." The fact is, the first one is true, and the second one isn't.
There will be people you'll love in your life who'll also love you, but that doesn't mean they're the "forever" ones. That is possibly life's biggest lesson: love isn't always enough.
And what's more frustrating, you might be compatible with this person, and everything seems so easy — but if someone's not ready to move forward, they just won't. It's like a boulder: you can't move it on your own and you'll exhaust yourself trying, not to mention waste your time, as suggested by the APA Handbook Of Personality And Social Psychology.
Still, there is a silver lining: these same people serve a significant purpose in your life, and more importantly, help both shape your character as well as make you realize what you want and need in a partner.
2. Everyone needs to experiment a little
Well, my mom did tell me this, in a somewhat roundabout way, but it was so shocking I'm convinced this isn't normal.
When I was in high school, she received a wedding invitation in the mail, and informed me the two people getting married were both virgins — then said this verbatim: "Can you imagine? Talk about missionary position forever."
It's only now, more than 10 years later, I realize what she meant was: don't be afraid to experiment a little before locking it down, especially with your current significant other.
3. Beware of 'attraction spells'
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What is an attraction spell, you ask? It's an unexplainable desire and pull toward someone you'd likely never even be in a serious relationship with, but you're both completely infatuated with for little to no rational reason.
This doesn't always have to equal a great time in the bedroom (though it almost always does), there's just a natural, almost unshakable attraction — and at certain times in your life even more fulfilling than love. But it's important to beware of those super sparky relationships because they can shut down our logical brains in favor of chemistry.
Psychologist Tarra Bates-Duford advised, "It's important to identify what you want out of a relationship, rather than embarking on a relationship and trying to figure it out later. And if you don't have the time, energy, or desire to engage in a committed relationship, make that clear early on. Long-term committed relationships are not for everyone. Partners should make their desires and intentions clear during the early phase of dating, so each person has the opportunity to decide if this is the type of relationship they want."
4. Be wary of people who seem too good to be true
You've heard of sociopaths, right? Well, it goes like this: that person your mom's best friend wants to set you up with — the one who's on the partner track at their finance firm, comes from a great family and compliments your mom's even dubious fashion choices — yeah, well, they could be a liar.
Inside tip: beware of any lies — they are more character-defining than one whopper, as suggested by a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
5. Don't mistake one-night stands for love
Don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily condoning one-night stands, but they can be OK! There are times when getting caught up in the moment makes you feel alive, and exactly what we need (just be safe!). But, like Boomers probably told you, they aren't love and they aren't going to give you any lasting sense of worth. So keep yourself honest!
While I'm grateful my mom scared the bejesus out of me with her dating tips, especially when it came to my intimate life, as it's prohibited me from making a multitude of careless choices, I've realized as an adult you shouldn't beat yourself up if you act on those moments. What's important is that it's a moment you want to act on. Because who knows, maybe there's a reason you did.
Fact: I've known marriages that have resulted out of a one-night stand. Sorry, Mom.