5 Beliefs Of Couples Who Are Destined To Grow Old Lonely And Unhappy, According To Psychology
Couples who believe these unappealing myths often end up alone and ostracized.
JD Mason | Unsplash Marriage is rewarded with gifts, tax breaks, and shared health insurance. The pooling of resources makes it easier to rent a nicer apartment, buy a house, and even travel. Directly and indirectly, we are told marriage will make you happy, but will it?
A happy marriage does a lot for health, wealth, and personal fulfillment. One study found that getting married is as stabilizing as earning over $100,000 a year and the health equivalent of quitting smoking, but an unhappy marriage undoes all that and then some.
Sometimes you have to take off the rose-colored glasses and understand the common things that you would normally think are all you need when you are married are not if you want to avoid belief that will result in you growing old lonely and unhappy. Marriage is so much more.
Here are the beliefs of couples who are destined to be lonely and isolated as they grow old:
1. They believe love is all you need
While it's certainly a prerequisite, it won't get you much farther than the altar. Communication, shared values, tolerance, realistic expectations, commitment, and kindness are just a few requirements for a good marriage.
We all wish love was all you need to have a happy and successful marriage, but we all know that's not the case. So, before you say "I do," really have those hard conversations that need to happen so you are on the same page. It will keep you from being blindsided later on after the honeymoon.
2. They believe their partner will complete them
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Complementing each other is a benefit of a good relationship, but expecting another person to make up for your shortcomings is an unrealistic expectation. You cannot fix your partner, so you have to love them for who they are and accept their past. You are who you are and no one can change you or your partner.
Couples who firmly believe they complete each other tend to have less healthy relationships. They often experience lower satisfaction, increased codependency, and a decreased willingness to work through personal issues. A 2022 study explained that this belief could discourage individual growth and lead to a reliance on the partner to fulfill all their needs rather than fostering a sense of self-sufficiency within the relationship.
3. They believe you should share everything
Sharing may be caring, but sharing everything is unrealistic, too. What will be shared and what will be kept separate is different for every couple. Telling yourself otherwise just creates another problem.
Couples shouldn't believe they share everything because maintaining a healthy level of privacy within a relationship is vital for individual autonomy and emotional well-being. It can even strengthen the bond by allowing for personal growth and space.
A study published by The Journal of Religion and Health concluded that oversharing can lead to feelings of vulnerability, potential conflict, and a loss of personal identity. However, carefully chosen disclosures foster deeper intimacy when done appropriately.
4. They believe that having a baby will solve everything
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Babies make parents forever entwined, but several studies show that the birth of a first child often pushes people apart. I'd say the worst loneliness is one felt in a relationship because it contradicts everything we expect to feel. Having a baby can make your relationship tense and frustrating, especially if you aren't getting enough sleep.
5. They believe everything will fall into place when they meet the right person
How often have you heard of people breaking up because "it shouldn't be so hard"? While there may be some truth to that, expecting a relationship to run on autopilot if it's right removes all responsibility from the only two people who can make it work.
Couples shouldn't assume everything will automatically fall into place after marriage because cohabiting before engagement or marriage can often lead to a decreased commitment. This can make it harder to identify potential issues and potentially increase the risk of divorce, particularly when couples slide into marriage without actively discussing expectations and goals. Researchers like Scott Stanley at the University of Denver often call this the inertia theory.
Macy Cate Williams is a freelance writer and former content director of commerce at POPSUGAR.