3 Things Most Married People Believe That Have Literally No Basis In Truth

I got married super-young at 22. I didn't think about our vows much before reciting the script at City Hall.

I said the words I was told to say — "in sickness and in health" — obediently on cue, but did I understand what they meant? To live with more sickness than health? More poor times than rich? Worse times than better?

And so I started thinking about that grand fallacy of married people lies we were fed as kids: Happily Ever After. As if one day something will happen: we'll meet The One, we'll reach a goal, we'll put on a white dress and walk down an aisle, and then — blam! Happily ever after. 

A stagnant stream of bliss and contentment. The end. It doesn't take long into adulthood for us to see the absurdity in this and the patronizing way we peddle it to kids. Marriage lies.

Here are the things most married people believe that have no basis in truth:

1. You're entitled to a perfect marriage or an easy marriage

It doesn't exist. Cohabiting and coexisting with another human is universally hard, but it teaches us important things — things like sacrifice, interconnectedness, and forgiveness of our basic human failings. Marriage is a learning experience, not an ending.

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2. You're entitled to a perfectly planned life

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Eventually, your life will get rocked off its course, and it'll probably be the best thing that ever happened to you (even when it doesn't feel that way). Married people shouldn't expect a perfectly planned life because of the inherent complexities of relationships, the need for compromise, and the understanding that life rarely unfolds precisely as envisioned. 

UC Berkeley's Greater Good Magazine found that if not managed properly, this can lead to disappointment and unrealistic expectations. Believing in a flawless life can create unnecessary pressure and conflict within a marriage when faced with inevitable challenges and unexpected situations.

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3. You're entitled to happily-ever-after

But you are entitled to an interesting story. Although a happily ever after is not guaranteed in marriage, it is healthier because it sets realistic expectations, encourages active effort to maintain the relationship, and allows couples to navigate challenges with a more adaptable mindset rather than feeling disillusioned when inevitable difficulties arise. 2024 research published in the European Journal of Personality found it shifts the focus from passive entitlement to proactive relationship maintenance.

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Michelle Horton is a writer and advocate. Through the Nicole Addimando Community Defense Committee, she speaks out for her sister and the countless other victims of domestic violence criminalized for their acts of survival. She's the author of Dear Sister: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds.