10 Behaviors That Indicate A High Relationship IQ, According To Experts
People with a high relationship IQ ace the relationship pop quiz every time.
rovsky | Canva No matter what life throws your way, having a supportive partner with a high relationship IQ through the good and the bad can make all the difference.
If, when you're having an awful day, your partner will listen to you vent rather than dismiss your feelings. You can resolve the situation knowing you have their support. If you're having a great day, a supportive partner will be right there with you celebrating.
Specific high IQ relationship behaviors will show a person can be more present in their relationship and caring for their partner. Are you on the right track?
Here are the behaviors that indicate a high relationship IQ:
1. Making time to talk about goals, plans, and future
It's easy to sometimes focus on what needs to get done day-to-day to keep your household running while subsequently forgetting it's important to also focus on achieving future goals and growth.
When you're a supportive partner, you always make time for your spouse to talk about their goals and plans, both short-term and long-term, and to outline what they see for themselves in the future — both for your shared relationship and themselves.
One way to make goal setting easier is to "Focus on how you want to feel. Rather than fixating on specific markers, concentrate on the emotions you want to experience. For instance, aim to feel healthier and more energetic rather than merely shedding pounds. Redirecting your focus towards the joy of feeling good can motivate consistent actions, like a daily 20-minute walk," advised therapist Monica Ramunda.
2. Encouraging all ideas, from the ridiculous to the genius
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Encouraging your spouse's ideas is important, and a supportive spouse will always do so. Whether it's a legitimate idea for how to do something or a silly idea about what to do for date night, you don't necessarily have to agree with everyone, but by encouraging them all in some way, you show your partner that you have their back and support them no matter what.
3. Taking an equal approach to parenting
Whether you stay home with the kids, they do, or you both work, you pay attention to what your kids need from you both and do your share to make sure you're helping out as much as possible.
From entertaining the kids while your spouse takes a shower to change a blowout diaper if you didn't handle the last one, there are lots of opportunities to lighten your partner's load and show you're in it together.
Family coach Natalie Blais explained further, "You know you can count on your spouse to share the responsibility. You both equally share the duties. It's no longer 'your job' to get up at night, change the baby, or bathe the baby. You both put in the time and effort needed to help your kids flourish."
4. Sensing when your partner needs a break
If you're a supportive partner, you don't need to hear the words "I need a break" to know your partner is tired, stressed, or upset and needs a few minutes (or more) to themselves.
Whether they've been with the kids all day and you just got home to chaos or they had a seriously long day at work and need 20 minutes to run a relaxing bath, you know when to let them have a little me time so that they can come back into whatever you're doing together with a fresh mindset.
5. Empathizing with your partner's problems rather than immediately fixing them
Listening when your partner talks about a problem they have is so important, but what's even more important is the way you then respond to the issue.
A supportive partner knows that sometimes their spouse just wants to hear "I'm sorry you're dealing with that, that sucks," instead of a laundry list of things they can do to fix the issue off the bat.
Sometimes the latter is necessary and helpful, but usually, your spouse will mention they need help to sort through something or want your opinion on how to solve a problem at some point during the conversation, which is your cue to lay out the helpful advice.
Mindfulness of your partner is also critical when disagreeing, as suggested by research from The Gottman Institute. "During tough conversations, it’s helpful to focus on your affection and respect for your partner. Recall fond memories and remember the ways your partner has demonstrated their love. How they support you and make you laugh. Think about how the joy you bring each other is more important than this conflict and working through this together will lead to more of those."
6. Understanding you can't always be the top priority
Sure, sometimes it's upsetting when your partner has a last-minute change of plans, ruining something you two had planned together, but for the most part, you're understanding.
Whether they need to stay late at work, are sleep-deprived, or just need to reschedule a plan, you can support that need without picking a fight about their lack of attention. In turn, they'll feel that their needs and time are being respected rather than feeling guilty.
7. Asking questions and remembering the details
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It's one thing to ask "How was your day?" in the first place, but it's another thing to make sure that this mindless, habitual question doesn't become just that.
If you're supportive of your spouse, you're listening to what they're saying about their day, their job, their friends — and remembering the main details. Not having to ask "Who's Joan again?" every time your spouse is talking about their boss shows them you're listening and taking it all in.
8. Not tuning out or checking your phone when talking, no matter what the conversation is about
There's nothing more disheartening and rude than noticing the person you're talking to is tuning out the conversation — especially if they're your partner. No matter who initiates the conversation, a supportive partner always gives their full attention to it.
Divorce attorney Ron Bavero explained the connection between tuning your partner out and technology. "This phenomenon is the direct result of modern technology, social media sites, programs, games, and apps which have taken over our lives through oversaturation and addictive algorithms designed to keep us glued to the screen of our phones."
"We are all constantly being enticed, solicited, and encouraged to ignore people physically present around us, including our friends, lovers, spouses, and intimate partners, in favor of interacting with our virtual friends, contacts, influencers, and celebrities, with their photo-shopped appearances and curated lives."
Sure, you multitask and chat while dinner's cooking or while getting ready for bed, but you always do your best to listen or at least give your partner a heads up if your mind is elsewhere or you need to desperately check your email.
9. Being their biggest cheerleader
Whether they got a promotion at work, are running a marathon, or have mastered a recipe they've been testing, you're there to cheer them on. For both big things and small, a supportive partner is ready to congratulate and celebrate wins (even if it's opening the pickle jar that had been giving you trouble — we all like to win).
10. Knowing when to apologize
You always know when it's time to take a step back during an argument and apologize. Sometimes that means apologizing for forgetting to do something, for accusing them of something, or for picking a fight (whether you ended up being wrong or right).
Even more so, you understand the difference between apologizing just to end the argument and meaning it and doing what it takes to make the situation better for you both.
Alessia Santoro is a writer for PopSugar and a YourTango Contributor who writes on love and relationships.