5 Behaviors That Come Easy To Couples Who Respect Each Other, But Are Very Challenging For Those Who Don’t
If you have mutual respect in your relationship, you'll find these behaviors easier to implement.
Ground Picture | Shutterstock When couples truly respect each other, it’s much easier to implement certain healthy behaviors in the relationship. For example, taking time to connect with each other comes easier to those who have a solid foundation of respect.
On the other hand, when couples don’t respect each other, some of these healthy behaviors we strive for are more difficult to achieve. That lack of respect makes it hard to truly care about each other enough to cultivate good habits.
Relationship coach Esther Ku understands this. In an Instagram post, Ku, who helps couples “create deeply connected and intimate relationships,” shared some of the “non-negotiables” she and her husband have decided upon for their own marriage.
These non-negotiable behaviors will seem simple to those with mutual respect but harder to come by for those who struggle to respect each other.
Here are five behaviors that come easily to couples who respect each other:
1. ‘Always assume positive intent’
It’s pretty easy to think the worst of someone, isn’t it? Even when that person is someone close to you, it’s often easier to think badly of them. But the thing is, people usually don’t mean to hurt you, even if it feels that way, Ku pointed out.
“By committing to always assume positive intent, you give each other the benefit of the doubt, which reduces unnecessary conflict and fosters trust,” she said.
Business consulting firm Cornerstone Agility noted, “Embodying this approach keeps situations and conversations from escalating into complicated misunderstandings. With positive intent, we seek to understand the situation and the person instead of jumping to being offended or judgmental.”
By assuming positive intent, you are taking it easy on the person you love and acknowledging that everything doesn’t have to turn into a fight.
2. ‘Respect each other’s alone time’
It’s a common misconception that if you’re in a relationship, you should spend all your time with your special person. But by eliminating time spent by yourself, you are doing yourself a disservice.
“By respecting each other’s need for solitude, you prevent burnout, foster personal growth, and bring renewed energy back into the relationship,” Ku said.
It may seem like you’re supposed to be with your partner all the time, but you must spend time apart to continue growing individually.
PsychCentral pointed out that alone time can help reduce feelings of self-consciousness, allow time for reflection, and give you a chance to regulate your emotions.
3. ‘No keeping score’
It’s easy to look at someone and see their past faults or think of what they might owe you. Couples who respect each other don’t do this. Rather, they focus on the present without living in the past.
Ku noted, “This approach fosters a more generous and forgiving relationship dynamic.”
“If you focus on what your partner is not doing, you will only see these limitations and not look for his or her positive contributions that can increase relationship satisfaction,” psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein wrote for Psychology Today.
A relationship shouldn’t be about who’s done the most or least. Everyone has something to contribute and be celebrated for.
4. ‘Daily unplugged connection time’
“In a world dominated by screens and constant distractions, setting aside time each day to connect without phones, laptops, or TVs ensures that you stay genuinely connected,” Ku stated.
In today’s world, we are glued to technology. While this can sometimes help us foster connections with others, particularly those we are not physically close to, it can ruin the connection we feel to the person right in front of us.
Utah State University professor David Schramm studied screen time and its connection to relationships. “The overall survey results show that higher levels of technology use and ‘technoference’ adds up to significantly less time spent together as a couple, less satisfaction and connection, and higher levels of depression and anxiety,” he concluded.
If you don’t respect each other, it’s even easier to fill time with screens instead of genuine connection.
5. ‘Never go to bed angry, but also don’t force resolution’
Ku had an interesting perspective on the old adage that couples should never go to bed angry. She acknowledged that sometimes it’s simply not possible to work through issues before bed.
A couple that doesn’t respect each other would let a fight fester for this reason. But, Ku said those who do respect each other will find a way around this.
“This could be as simple as saying, ‘I love you, and we’ll work through this tomorrow,’” she said.
Attempting to shove away anger isn’t the way to go either, according to VeryWell Mind. “It is fine to feel angry, and you don’t need to feel pressure to cap the length of your anger, which could only cause it to arise in other situations,” they said.
If you’re able to make these behaviors a part of your relationship, it’s a sign that you and your partner respect each other.
While these habits may not be easy for anyone to implement, if you are able to make them a part of your relationship, that’s a good sign that respect exists.
Of course, everyone will have their own “non-negotiables,” but Ku’s list is a starting point for determining what is most important.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.