If You Have No Close Friends, You Probably Display These 10 Nasty Habits
Ugly behaviors that won't win you any friends.
Pavel Danilyuk | Pexels Making friends isn't always easy. How honest should you be? How much of yourself should you reveal? How long can you keep up being your best self?
Then — as if it wasn’t hard enough — everyone is different. Everyone. In the entire world and that means, no matter what you do, who you are, or who you pretend to be, some people won’t like you. Ever.
The more you pretend to be someone else, the more some people won’t like you. The more you try to be the best version of yourself, the more some people won’t like you. That is an undeniable reality.
Here are 10 nasty habits you probably display if you have no close friends:
1. Arrogance
I went with a friend once and they kept talking about how famous their family name was where they lived, how it commanded a certain “respect,” and how I’d be lucky to experience even being a part of that.
I got the impression they thought they were better than people. I’d be “lucky” to experience being attached to their family name. No thanks.
2. Excessive complaining
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A person I knew always complained they'd eat too much and then would feel way too full after a meal, and they’d have to just lie down for half an hour to feel better. They’d complain they did it and then do the same thing again.
This wasn’t about body image or that I was judging them for their appearance. It was the fact that they complained about it and then did nothing. Ever.
Eventually, I’d get annoyed, and I’d say, “Well, you could always eat less.” And they’d get angry and sulk.
"Complaining, when overused, keeps you from taking responsibility. When you look to blame your actions or your choices on others, there’s no quicker way to suck the positivity out of a room. You can almost hear the silence in the wake of the vacuum," advised life coaches Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Diane Dempster.
3. Talking without action
I can’t be around people who talk about doing something and then don’t do it. It grates on me. I don’t understand it.
Well, OK, I do understand it. Because I used to be this person. I used to complain about my job but did nothing to change it. Because I was scared, because I didn’t truly believe I could change my life, and all those wonderful excuses.
While I understand it, I’d never be able to be with someone like the old me.
4. Poor conversation
I hate always being the one who has to ask questions to start the conversation or keep it going.
I want someone who I can talk with for hours without even realizing it. I want someone where we don’t want to stop talking, even when we have to. I want someone curious about me, and about my past, and my future.
Life coach Caroline Maguire explained, "The ability to connect and inspire is an essential human need. In demonstrating respect for our audience, it's essential to learn the critical life skills of being a good storyteller. Equally important is the ability to listen and empathize.
5. Expecting people to not be boring
When I was doing online dating, some people had "Don't be boring" written on their profiles. It annoyed me.
First of all, yes, thank you for that wonderful advice. Second of all, it’s not my job to entertain you. I’m not your plaything.
Interestingly, or perhaps not, the same people often didn’t seem to be able to hold a conversation. No wonder they didn’t want me to be boring.
6. Lack of ambition
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A person doesn’t have to want to run for president, but I like someone who knows what kind of life they want, what they’re interested in, and what they want to get paid to do.
It doesn’t matter what it is — they could want to be a teacher or a scientist, or work for a charity, or run their own business, or be a writer, like me. As long as they are working towards something, as explored by an article on the peer effects of ambition in the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization.
7. Being evasive
I’d ask my ex what was wrong. She’d say nothing. I’d say OK. She’d still be acting “off.” I’d ask again. She’d say nothing.
I always had to ask more than once. Always. Every time. And she still wouldn’t tell me. Then I’d leave it and eventually, she’d tell me.
I wasn’t a mind reader, and I’m not, and I don’t want to be. Just tell me.
8. Not living your own life
I’m attracted to people who are doing what they want regardless of what other people think. I like the confidence, the independence, and the fact they value choice.
Again, it doesn’t matter necessarily what they are doing with their life. It’s more than their opinion of themselves means more than other people’s opinion of them.
"When you are more connected to your core, your path forward seems clearer, you feel happier and more at peace, and you can have a more positive impact," recommended personal development coach Kate Siner. "Think about it this way. Would you rather make your decision from a place where you are doing what you think you should or have to do, where you are angry or fearful, or where you are in contact with the highest truest part of yourself?"
9. Texting and messaging all day
We don’t need to speak all day, every day. I’m not doing anything different from when you asked me that 10 minutes ago.
Don’t they have things to do? What’s going on in their life that they have all day to text me?
I do like someone who wants to talk every day, so we can update and support and be there for each other, just not all day, every day.
Matt Hearnden is a writer who mostly focuses on self-awareness. He has been featured in Medium, Good Men Project, Positively Positive, and more.