Psychology Says If You Can Accept These 5 Stages Of A Broken Heart, You'll Heal Faster
Everything to keep in mind when moving on from a breakup.
Ilona Kozhevnikova | Shutterstock Breakups are never easy. Whether you are in a short-term relationship or a long-term commitment, breaking up can leave you feeling lost, hurt, and questioning your self-worth. Fortunately, the five states of grief can also be applied to the stages of a broken heart, and accepting them can help you heal faster.
Heartbreak comes with a lot of pain, but also learning and self-realization. It offers you a chance to rediscover yourself and grow. Allowing yourself to move through these five stages can help make that happen.
Here are the 5 stages of a broken heart, according to psychology
Grief can have psychological stages that might occur as a person goes through a loss, as explored by a study in Frontiers in Psychology. These stages can be understood as:
1. Denial
This stage involves completely denying the breakup, feeling unreal, dissociating from reality, holding on to the hope of reconciliation, using escape mechanisms to not come to realization, finding ways to avoid reality, and refusing to believe the relationship has ended.
2. Anger
After denial, frustration and resentment surface as you grapple with the unfairness of the loss. This emotion might be directed at yourself, others, or circumstances to provide an outlet for the pain you’re experiencing.
3. Bargaining
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This is where you fluctuate between choices of what could have been. The bargaining stage is where you dwell on “what if” scenarios or wish to change the outcome. It is an attempt to regain control and delay confronting the loss.
4. Depression
This is possibly the most painful stage, but also the most transforming one. Deep sadness and loneliness emerge as you fully realize the loss. This stage may include withdrawal from daily activities, and reflecting the depth of your emotions as you process the reality of the situation.
5. Acceptance
Finally, acceptance comes and with it, a peaceful state of mind. This stage involves coming to terms with the loss. While the pain might not completely disappear, you learn to live with it and focus on rebuilding your life.
10 ways to use the stages of a broken heart to heal
1. Be patient with yourself
Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve your loss. Being patient with yourself is key to healing. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that requires time and self-compassion. Avoid rushing to “get over it” and allow yourself the space to grieve.
2. Validate your emotions
Don’t judge your feelings or consider them irrational. It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions — sadness, anger, confusion, and relief. The APA recommended to acknowledge these feelings instead of suppressing them. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking therapy can help process these emotions in a better way.
3. Focus on self-care
Self-care is essential especially when you are vulnerable. It is not important to go by the traditional idea of self-care. Self-care can look different for everyone, so whatever works for you, from art, journaling, exercising, resting, skincare, or going out, anything that helps you is good.
4. Avoid contacting your ex
Maintaining contact, especially in the early stages, can make it harder to heal. Give yourself time to detach emotionally before considering friendship or any form of communication at all. This time is yours to focus only on yourself and learn to get over it.
5. Surround yourself with loved ones
Love can be found everywhere, and seeking support from your loved ones is the obvious place you will find it. Lean on friends and family who uplift and encourage you. Social support is a proven way to help you deal effectively with feelings of loneliness and rebuild your confidence.
6. Reflect and observe
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Breakups can bring out heavy and extremely confusing emotions. Use this time to reflect and observe what you are feeling in a non-judgmental way, as suggested by a study in the Journal of Loss and Trauma. Do not overanalyze what happened and how you feel about it, sit with your feelings and focus on being consciously present in the moment.
7. Rediscover yourself
Breakups can be an opportunity to reconnect with your passions, hobbies, and goals. Consider learning something new, traveling, or pursuing a project you’ve always wanted to try. You can find and fall in love with different versions of yourself.
8. Set boundaries
If mutual friends or social media are constant reminders of your ex, set boundaries to protect your mental peace. This might involve muting or unfollowing them temporarily. It is OK to prioritize your mental peace and maintain a healthy distance.
9. Seek professional help if needed
An article in the Indian Journal of Psychiatric Social Work suggested psychological support in the form of therapy and counseling is always an available option if you feel the need. Do not hesitate to seek help and accept it when you need it. If the pain feels overwhelming or prolonged, a counselor can provide tools and strategies to navigate this effectively.
10. Remember that healing is not linear
Healing is not a timeline, it has its highs and lows, all kinds of curves. Give yourself time and be extra sensitive with yourself. Every step ahead counts as progress, no matter how small it seems. Be sure you are there for yourself the most.
Why are breakups so tough?
Breakups can be challenging. From routines to day-to-day updates, from dreams to beautiful memories made in the present, you shared everything. When a relationship ends, feeling lost, hurt, and in pain is natural. It can be difficult to let the person go and, along with it, everything the two of you shared. Experiencing feelings of withdrawal, sadness, and anxiety is common.
So, what's the takeaway?
Getting over a breakup is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no universal timeline for healing. It’s important to be kind to yourself and recognize how growth often comes from pain. By understanding your emotions, practicing self-care, and focusing on the future, you can emerge stronger and more resilient.
Remember, while a breakup marks the end of one chapter, it also creates space for new beginnings. Trust in the process, and know brighter days are ahead.
Sidhharrth Kumaar is an astro-numerologist and Founder of NumroVani. He couples his knowledge of modern sciences to solve real-world problems in the areas of mental well-being and relationship growth.