15 Odd Signs A Person Is Emotionally Unstable, Backed By Psychology
Emotionally unstable people can be hard to spot, but these signals act an indicator.
Andrej Lišakov | Unsplash We all go into relationships with people under the assumption the person we’re dating is well-adjusted. After all, no one wants to be in a relationship with someone who is so emotionally unstable they’ll explode at any moment.
Though we always like to think we can vet them out, once in a while, a person will trick even the most jaded dater. I ought to know — it’s happened to me plenty of times.
Thankfully, you can pick up on the potential danger if you know the subtle warning signs to watch for in an emotionally unstable person. When I look back at the people I once thought were stable, I realize I should have been worried about these stealthy red flags that signal that a person is emotionally off.
Here are the signs a person is emotionally unstable, backed by psychology:
1. Their relationship with their parent is borderline inappropriate
Does their mom or dad act like a jealous lover around you? Yes, you have a problem. This is a sign they are an emotional incest victim, and unless you’re fine with being second banana to their parent, you’ll dump this person and find a real partner.
"One of the sad repercussions of emotional incest is insecure attachment style in the child's adult relationships, per a study in the Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology. They may reveal too much or too little to a partner, too clingy, or, conversely, flee intimacy. Emotional incest in childhood often blunts the ability to set healthy boundaries on relationship equality. Victims may both crave and fear vulnerability because they were never allowed to be children and worry someone will take advantage of their vulnerability the way their parents did," explained licensed therapist Gloria Brame.
2. They are moody
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Everyone can get a little moody from time to time, but if they're vacillating from overjoyed happiness to extreme depression, this isn’t a good sign. Research in the Developmental Psychopathology Journal suggested it’s a sign they are emotionally unstable and they may even have a mood disorder.
People who are like this need help, not a romantic relationship.
3. When it comes to cracking jokes, they are thin-skinned
A stable person can deal with a little teasing at their expense. If they flip out because you joked about their hair or taste in clothing, you need to back away fast.
This is often an indicator of a person who will get violent later on in the relationship and is a surefire sign they are too insecure to be a good partner.
4. They try to monopolize all your time
This is a sign of clinginess and neediness, which is bad enough on its own. But it’s also a sign they may have Codependent Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or a slew of other issues, according to research from the American Psychological Association.
If they ask to hang out with you every day and get upset if you don’t, you need to cut them loose.
5. They are ready to lock it down ASAP
Though it may be thrilling to see a person who wants to commit to you right off the bat, there’s something very worrisome about it. If they are already talking babies by date two, you may want to bail.
6. They are an addict
There’s a difference between a drug user and a drug addict, according to a study in the Addiction Research & Theory Journal. If you can recreationally use drugs once a month, you’re probably not an addict. If you get withdrawals and do it almost daily, you have a problem.
You also can be addicted to non-drug activities, such as food and gambling. Even if a person is a functional addict, they are still an addict and that means you really shouldn’t date them unless you want serious problems later on.
7. They make you feel like they are doing you a big favor just by being around them
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This is a major indicator that something is wrong. You shouldn’t ever feel like they are “settling” just by being around you. If you get this vibe, you may be a sociopath or a narcissist.
8. They don’t seem to show emotions at all
While most of these red flags seem to be focused on emotions that are just way out of control, this sign is overlooked because it’s so hard to notice.
If they don’t seem to register emotions that should be there (such as a blank stare when they see something horrible happen, or not smiling when a heartwarming thing happens), something is wrong. It could be psychopathy, sociopathy, or something else. Whatever it is, you don’t want to find out.
9. There’s a lot of self-hatred in them
Do they seem to be viscerally disgusted by who they are? Well, that’s not a good sign because well-adjusted people don’t have that bad an attitude towards themselves. You can’t be self-loathing and also be well-adjusted. It just doesn’t work that way.
10. Nothing is their fault
Their exes were all abusive. Their family sucks and that’s why they can’t get a job. Their life was just not perfect enough. When people tell you the reason their lives suck is because of some fatal flaw or everyone around them, it’s often a sign of mental illness.
11. They try to provoke you
People who do this are emotionally unstable and looking for a fight. If you notice them trying to provoke you, you need to bail, fast. At best, you’re dealing with a jerk. At worst, you’re dealing with an emotional predator. It’s not good, no matter how you look at it.
12. When they tell you about their past, things aren’t adding up
Beware of anybody whose past seems to be missing large swaths of history, as this could be a sign they are living a double life or they have been incarcerated.
If things aren’t adding up about their living situation, past, or current status, you may be dealing with a compulsive liar, a cheater, or someone who’s been arrested for domestic violence. So, you might want to pass on them.
13. They are seriously image-focused
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There’s a difference between regular shallow behavior and a person who needs to look like a god in public. A study in the Journal of Leadership & Organizational explored how this is often a sign of narcissism, but in some cases, it could be a sign of an eating disorder or Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
14. They are not just religious, they are delusional
Don’t get me wrong, here. A little spirituality is a good thing in many cases, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. A good rule is to avoid someone who’s way too entrenched in religion or claims they have two-way conversations with God.
Research from The Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology Journal advised the reason is they may be delusional or be using religion as a way to control those they date or befriend. Either way, it doesn’t bode well for your relationship if they are too busy talking to demons they see in the house to do anything with you.
15. You can’t quite point it out, but something feels off
Nine times out of 10, when your instincts are screaming, something is wrong. This is why so many safety experts tell people to go with their guts. If you think something’s wrong, it’s probably wrong.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.