11 Subtle Signs Of A Man Who's Using You As His Human Ego Booster, According To Research
He showers you with attention — but only when he needs a confidence boost.
Nate J5U | Unsplash If there’s anything that modern dating has taught me over the years, it’s that there are a lot of guys who legit have issues with their self-esteem. Sadly, most men who have those issues tend to have this insane idea that their ability to control women or use women somehow proves that they are “the man.”
Though there are moments where we all use our relationship status as a self-esteem booster, the fact is that there are some guys who take the 'human ego booster' concept to an unhealthy level. There are many guys out there who end up using the girls they’re dating as permanent status symbols, much like how certain guys may drive a Ferrari to overcompensate for something else.
Worried that he doesn’t like you for you and just wants to use you as a personal cheerleader? Here are some signs he's using you as a way to validate himself.
Here are subtle signs of a man who's using you as his human ego booster:
1. He regularly talks about how attractive his exes are
Generally speaking, men who talk about how many people they’ve been with or the quality of the people they go out with have severe, deep-rooted insecurities about themselves. When they’re doing this, it’s ego self-soothing.
They’re saying what they hope other people see in them, with a desperate hope that they’ll at least get someone to agree with them. Trust me when I say that a guy who speaks like this about other trysts will speak the same about you.
2. He brags a lot
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This should be obvious, but it’s often not. If he has to beg you to tell him the things that he wants to hear, you know it’s bad. Like, bad. You need to get a new guy if he does that.
Bragging, while seemingly about self-promotion, often stems from underlying insecurities and a need to fill perceived gaps in identity rather than genuine confidence. Psychologists have studied the brain activity associated with sharing information about oneself and found that it activates the same areas as those involved in rewarding experiences like eating or physical intimacy.
3. He shows you off in public but ignores you in private
This is one of the signs he's using you and that he just wants to show off that he has the “perfectly happy” relationship that people yearn for. What is going on, however, is a different story. He may not actually like you that much, but he’ll keep you around to show others that he can get a girlfriend.
4. He doesn't know much about you
Men who use women as validation don’t care what the woman likes, what her dreams are, or even how she prefers to be treated. As a result, they tend to treat women uniformly, impose things on them, and just steamroll girls who tell them that they don’t like something they do. If you regularly wonder if he’s even listening to you when you tell him what you like, chances are that he sees you as a prop for his ego rather than a person.
A man's lack of knowledge about you could stem from various factors, including potential disinterest, fear of commitment, or a desire to avoid conflict, rather than necessarily indicating a lack of care. Research from Boston University explained that if you feel uncomfortable or disrespected, it's important to set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being.
5. He collects status symbols
One thing I’ve noticed is guys who are very insecure about their social status tend to collect status symbols in every matter of the word. For example, they would be the type to exclusively sip Starbucks at work, require Grey Goose, and also drive as pricey a car as they can get.
If everything has to be shiny and status-y, then you shouldn’t be surprised if you are his status symbol, too.
6. He treats you like arm candy
Does he get irate if you talk like a normal human being or if you “upstage” him? If so, then you need to get out of this relationship. That’s not the way healthy relationships work.
While there isn't specific research on the term 'arm candy,' the concept of a man using someone solely for social status or display can be explored through the lens of objectification, relational dynamics, and narcissistic tendencies. According to a 2018 study, the power imbalance and lack of genuine connection in such relationships can harm the person being used. The lack of reciprocity and emotional investment can lead to feelings of loneliness, worthlessness, and manipulation.
7. He became interested in you when you showed disinterest in him or because someone else showed interest in you
Men who are insecure with themselves chase women based on how desired the women are in their group. Men who have really serious issues will only chase women that aren’t interested in them. The reason why this happens is because they aren’t attracted to the girl; they’re attracted to the fact that she’s “unattainable” or wanted by others.
8. He brags about you in uncomfortable ways
Okay, this shouldn’t ever be “normal” per se, but most guys will just say something along the lines of, “Yeah we’re happy together” to their friends. If he’s going into graphic detail about what you do together, it’s about his status as a guy who gets girls, not about his status as a guy who loves and treasures his partner.
Men who brag about women may do so to boost their self-esteem, potentially stemming from a need to feel important, appear desirable to others, or deflect from perceived shortcomings. A 2020 study found that some men might brag about women to gain attention or validation from their peers, potentially stemming from a need for external approval.
9. His friends tend to have trophy wives or girlfriends
For a lot of men, this is their lifestyle. It’s about collecting trophies, even when it comes down to the kind of spouses they choose to marry. This isn’t a healthy lifestyle in my opinion because it objectifies just about everything and also means that he sees you as a reflection of his success.
His kids? They’re a reflection of his success. His pets? Also trophies. You? Yet one more thing to show off to friends and coworkers. Should you stop looking pretty or glamorous, he’ll dump you. Is this what you want in a spouse?
10. He makes a lot of remarks about your body
There is nothing wrong with a guy who compliments your body, but there’s a certain point where the remarks he’s making stop being ego-boosters and start being creepy. If you notice him making weird remarks to others or telling you to “watch your figure,” he’s probably more into your packaging than you. This same rule applies if he keeps bringing up your job or your wealth.
According to a 2024 study, a man making frequent comments about women's bodies can be rooted in objectification, misogyny, and a lack of understanding of the impact on women's mental health and body image. The context in which these comments are made is also essential. Comments made in the workplace by someone in a position of authority can be particularly damaging.
11. The relationship feels fake or forced
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Generally speaking, you’ll know if a guy is only with you because of status issues. It’ll feel fake or forced. If something doesn’t seem right, you may want to take a moment to decide if this is what you want to pursue.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.