10 Behaviors That Instantly Make Someone Look Callous Annd Mean, According To Psychology
The worst kind of people act this way.
Christopher Luther | Unsplash We have all met one person who seemed to have a habit of waking up in the morning, drinking their coffee, and brainstorming how to hurt other people.
Though they don’t necessarily do so via physical means, these kinds of people will dig at your self-esteem, mess up your work, or otherwise just inconvenience you in one way or another. They like to see you squirm, and they live for it.
Everyday sadists, as psychologists call them, are people who just really love to hurt others for one reason or another. And, thankfully, they’re easily spotted and at least somewhat avoidable in many situations.
Here are 10 behaviors that instantly make someone look callous and mean, according to psychology:
1. They make mean, casual jokes at someone else’s expense
Mean people love to dish out dirt and dig at people, even if those people are nice to them. They do this because they know those “jokes” undermine peoples’ confidence and because they love to see others suffer.
2. They tend to stir up drama just so that others will gang up on an innocent person
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This is one of the easiest ways every day mean people tear others down. They love seeing others get hurt and they love seeing others cry.
If they can manipulate others to hurt the target for them, all the better. This is why many of these people are into mud-slinging and gossip-mongering.
3. They’re rude to people that they manage
This is actually a reason why people are told to avoid guys who are rude to servers. They could actually be casual callous and mean.
Rudeness, whether witnessed or experienced, significantly harms individuals and organizational performance. It impacts cognitive function and emotional states and even leads to decreased productivity and poor decision-making. A 2020 pilot study explained that rude behavior can escalate conflicts, damage relationships, and hinder teamwork and collaboration, impacting organizational effectiveness.
4. You get the feeling that they like seeing you suffer and hurting you
From personal experience, I can tell you that those feelings are almost always spot-on. They may say, “I’m not trying to hurt you,” or “I’m just saying my opinion,” but make no mistake about it: they are out for blood.
Schadenfreude is the pleasure experienced at the misfortune of others. It is often rooted in envy, aggression, or a belief that the misfortune was deserved and can be linked to dehumanizing the person in hardship. A 2024 analysis concluded that competitive and cooperative interactions and past interactions with someone who experiences a downfall can influence emotions and behaviors toward that person.
5. Trying to get them to empathize with you is a lost cause
No matter how much you argue, plead, and try to convince the sadist, they aren’t going to empathize with you. This is because they like seeing you hurt. Nothing is going to change that because that’s just who they are.
6. They humiliate others in person
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These are folks who get off on seeing others suffer. As a result, they will put you in the spotlight, shame you, and embarrass you for fun.
According to a 2016 study, people embarrass others for various reasons, including to feel superior, reduce personal discomfort, gain social attention, or express discomfort or anger. Additionally, embarrassment can be a form of social pain and a tool for maintaining social cohesion by highlighting and punishing violations of social norms.
7. They have no issue using violence, intimidation, or extreme cruelty in any relationship, for any reason
Normal people will hesitate to use violence or cruelty because they know it’s not a nice thing to do. These people don’t care.
They will use it to get what they want, to exert control, or because they think it’s funny. For many mean people, dominance is the name of the game.
8. They're controlling the people they have close relationships with
For these people, control is part of the high they get from being cruel to others. This is why they will often tell their spouses they’re not allowed to go outside without them, or why they may issue ultimatums on best friends over meeting new people.
People control those close to them due to underlying insecurities, a need to maintain order and predictability, and potentially learned behaviors or personality traits that manifest as controlling behaviors. According to a 2019 study, some people may see controlling behavior as a way to maintain power and dominance over others, potentially stemming from a desire to be the center of attention or have their way.
9. They’re online trolls
Studies have shown that this is the most common indicator that someone will be mean to those they meet in person, as well. After all, the entire reason why people troll online is to hurt people for fun. Who’s to say they won’t do the same to “loved ones”?
10. People avoid them, bend over to them, and warn you about them
If someone warns you and tells you that a person is bad news, you may want to listen to them. This is especially true if you notice that people say they are cruel human beings. Though you may want to consider giving them the benefit of the doubt, keeping your guard up is the best course of action.
People avoid others due to various psychological factors, including perceived threats, discomfort, negative experiences, lack of shared interests, and a desire to avoid conflict or emotional distress. A 2020 study found that some individuals may avoid interactions to protect their reputations or boundaries, fearing potential negative repercussions.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.