I've Seen Hundreds Of Marriages Fail — Here Are The Secrets Behind Why Men Cheat
The reason he cheats isn't necessarily what you suspect.
Andrii Nekrasov | Canva One morning you wake up and wonder about the missed appointments, the secretiveness, the gut feeling telling you something is wrong with the relationship. You worry he isn't being faithful and wonder at the secret to the male psyche.
The emotional distance you have been feeling grows wider and you become more certain of the persistent feeling he is having an affair. But you think he's cheating because he's not happy with the lack of intimacy, you're sorely mistaken.
Here are the secrets behind why men cheat:
1. It's not necessarily about sex
YourTango expert LiYana Silver ends the misconception that sex is behind every man's infidelity. Current research has indicated that many elements factor into cheating. From feeling inadequate to underappreciated, it has been revealed how emotions play a large part in why he's unfaithful.
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Why do men cheat? I love this question, and I have a very surprising answer for you. When I first heard the reason many men cheat, it kind of knocked me off my chair.
We think cheating and infidelity have to do with sex right? We are conditioned to believe most men will trade up in relationships for a thinner, hotter, or blonder woman. Now, don't get me wrong, sex is important in a relationship and as a justification for cheating. It’s just not on the top of the list of why he might decide to cheat on you.
2. There's a lack of emotional appreciation
A study of love and infidelity shows how the primary reason men cheat is for lack of emotional appreciation. Appreciation can show up as acknowledging him for all the hard work he’s done, or for something he’s contributed to your life and relationship.
Appreciation can be shown by going out of your way to do something meaningful for him or being responsive and demonstrative in bed.
I did my research on why men cheat by interviewing about 30 men for a course I call "The Man Whispering 28-day Challenge." The challenge is for women, but I wanted to make sure I got it right by checking with the guys. I asked them, “What makes you feel like a stud, like a man, like a rock star?”
3. There's zero acknowledgment of his efforts
The men's answers were of a very similar tune. Acknowledgment and appreciation, as demonstrated in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Showing appreciation is like important man food, and when he doesn’t get it, a man will withdraw, shut down, and start to leave. Or, he will find someone he feels appreciated with.
Conversely, when he feels like a stud or a rock star from your appreciation, he will go out of his way to do more of the good stuff, he will show up fully and stick around for the long haul with the appreciator. You!
If you want to learn more about the reasons why he's straying, check out the video above.
LiYana Silver, CHC, RYT, MaNLP, is a relationship expert, master coach, and advocate for switched-on women worldwide. She maintains a private practice as a relationship coach and speaks nationally.