11 Painfully Close Signs Someone's On The Tip-Top Verge Of Having An Affair
Allow yourself to explore doubts about whether you and this other person have a chance.
simonapilollatnf | Canva For most, affairs aren't necessarily wrapped up in mere curiosity, nor are they always about the sensual, sweaty romp most imagine. Sometimes, it's not even about physicality at all.
In actuality, an affair can start from something more basic, like the level of intimacy you lack with your partner. So before you start planning your rendezvous, ask yourself how you got to this moment in the first place.
Here are 11 painfully close signs someone's on the tip-top verge of having an affair:
1. You hesitate when someone asks if you're in a relationship.
Or if they ask, "So how are things going?" you say, "Well, sort of..." or "It's complicated." The fact you're hesitating about an obvious relationship you're in reveals you're uncertain about your current relationship and where you two stand.
"It's complicated" may imply things aren't great and you're considering a way out. A Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin study supports how it might even show that if you felt the right opportunity presented itself, you may think of cheating.
2. You stare or make eye contact with people who aren't your partner.
Looking at others is harmless, but once your gaze lasts longer than a few seconds and you're looking at another person up and down, you're imagining yourself with that person. Now, you're undressing them with your eyes. From there, you begin to imagine all sorts of things you shouldn't even be thinking about because the person you're gawking at isn't your partner.
3. You share too much information with the person you're attracted to.
Eventually, the person you're sharing with is privy to all sorts of information your partner isn't, giving this person the upper hand, which can be used to seduce you shortly.
4. You agree to meet anyone for a "quick lunch" or "a drink".
If your meeting or get-together has nothing to do with work or isn't truly platonic, you may be crossing the line. If there are feelings involved on either side, you may be meeting this person, unknowingly weighing the options as to whether you're ready to take your friendship to the next level.
5. You brush against the other person as often as possible.
Playful as it may seem, brushing against one another can excite both of you, as your bodies begin to manifest latent desires you two know are there, but aren't pursuing. Allowing someone else to brush the hair from your face, or run their fingers through your hair can trigger the eye-closing groan that instantly denotes pleasure. Of course, you two will begin to read one another's body language, especially the signals for pleasure.
6. You outwardly touch someone else.
Touching one another sends certain signals to your brain. That stimulation, though harmless, can lead to more, especially if your touch or the other person's touch begins to linger, as evidenced by 2022 research on affectionate touch. Part of you already enjoys this person and imagines yourself being with them. Sooner or later, your body will ultimately follow.
7. You start lying about what you're doing or where you are.
If you start sneaking around in any way as it relates to the person you're spending more time with, chances are you're on the verge of an affair. Instinctively, you begin to lie, covering up your tracks to avoid getting caught, while allowing yourself to be in subtly seductive situations where you two can meet in secret.
8. You're experiencing mood swings.
If you're suddenly happy, grumpy, absent-minded all the time, or display any other noticeable change in behavior, not being around this person begins to affect your mood. This other person has become your emotional crutch and your happiness, so your feelings for your partner are changing, which makes it easier and "excusable" to have an affair.
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9. You change your appearance.
If you begin to splurge on areas you didn't before — a new haircut, lingerie, a gym membership, mani-pedis, or clothes — you're buying these things to impress this new person. You know your partner appreciates you the way you are, and so does your new interest. Still, some part of you is trying to make a good impression on them, so you're showing your best side to ensure you're utterly irresistible.
10. You make a drastic life change.
If you were once a couch potato only able to get off the couch for work and friends, but now suddenly find yourself the life of the party, you may be changing your outward appearance for the benefit of this new person. Even better, you may be trying to get out more and improve your self-image to get away from your partner.
You begin to be about "others." Volunteering, people-pleasing, and finding new outlets of excitement could be directly or indirectly related to this new person in your life, which may not be all that bad. Still, it means you're seeing things differently than you did before.
11. You're discreetly texting, calling, or messaging another person.
If you can't go without hearing from this person in one form of communication or another, you've got it bad. If you get lost in a whirlwind of texts, emails, IMs, or any other form of communication, you're already far gone. You become lost in your messages and lose your focus at work, with friends, or at home.
Lack of communication is something most cite for ending their relationships, as supported by a 2002 study. Yet, here you are, communicating often with this other person who isn't your partner. You two are sharing something far more profound than attraction for one another. Your relationship is far too intimate at this point. Soon, you two will find yourselves in a position you can no longer ignore.
Before you begin any of these heavily flirtatious stages that lead to an affair, consider the consequences. Truly allow yourself to ponder if this other person is worth it. Allow yourself to explore doubts about whether you and this other person have a chance at long-lasting love, or whether it's fleeting desire you feel.
In other words, be sure that once you've reached the turning point, the person you're moving toward is a better fit than the one you're moving away from.
N. Meridian is an editor, author of No Crying for Elena, and freelance writer of various subjects. Her works have appeared on such sites as YourTango, BlogHer, Huffington Post, and WorkItMom.