The Manipulative Strategy Predators Use To Groom Vulnerable Women To Love Them
They might start as Prince Charming, but there will be no happily ever after.
Drazen Zigic | Canva When a man is quickly captivated by your awesomeness and wants to know everything about you, it’s easy to be swept off your feet. Finally! Could it be the real thing? Or is there a little gremlin at the pit of your stomach saying you are being manipulated and groomed by a predator?
Predators use a manipulative strategy to groom vulnerable women to love them:
1. They move fast to put you at risk
J Walters vis Shutterstock
Beware of the man who very swiftly wants to get into your head, gets under your skin, and in between your sheets.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, violence by an intimate partner (rape, physical, or stalking) is experienced by 41% of women and 26% of men. Over 61 million women and 53 million men experience psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime in the United States alone.
Female victims experience multiple forms of violence in their lifetime including more deaths than men at the hands of an intimate partner or ex-romantic partner, as evidenced by an examination of intimate partner-related violence.
2. They use niceness so you drop your guard
Often, a psychopath, narcissist, or sexual predator can come across as the kind of person you wouldn't suspect because he is "too nice" or he’s in a position of power serving the community. Their double life causes you to drop your guard, allowing them into your life or access to your children without suspecting anything.
The Journal of Family Violence helps us understand how predators are imposters who can fool just about anyone. With an insatiable hunger for power, money, sex, and exploitation, these social predators are characterized by manipulativeness, superficial charm, deception, lack of empathy and remorse, glibness, impulsiveness, a disregard for the law, and callousness.
Their inability to make deep connections, to be loyal, or to have concern for the well-being of others produces the most dangerous people on the planet.
3. They specifically target their victims
An encounter with a psychopath is not accidental. Victims are targeted and chosen for specific reasons. The predator sizes up vulnerabilities and strengths to exploit. Skills in decoding body language and patterns of speech give them an advantage in selecting victims.
Targeting includes a wide selection, which creates the facade of family man and normalcy to better integrate into the community. Predators can often be successful, have a beautiful wife, and have the "perfect family" to cover a cold, controlling, physically or sexually violent insecure man.
4. They make you feel safe with them
Grooming involves deceiving you into believing you are safe with the psychopath. Some of these tactics are cyber-stalking and "showing up" at public places where you will be, love bombing with special attention and communication, gifts or acts of generosity, and creating opportunities where he can isolate you.
A predator will bully with kindness and disrespect, seduction and persuasion; manipulations and charm.
For you, the whirlwind romance manufactures a soul mate. But grooming is a calculated process to gain your trust and gradually desensitize you by violating your boundaries, altering your chemistry, and hijacking your ability to love, as supported by research on brain changes in PTSD.
You’re the next victim to supply the psychopath with adoration, nurturance, and sex to feed his insatiable hunger for power and control.
5. They keep things moving fast so you lose power
The grooming happens quickly, not allowing for adequate time to analyze what is happening, how your life is being consumed by the psychopath, or how you’re losing your power.
As a romantic partner, you will have glimpses into his vulnerabilities — feelings of inadequacy, immaturity, insecurities, isolation, and powerlessness — entrapping you further when you hope your love will rescue his darkness.
6. Then the niceness fades
Once thoroughly hooked, the "nice guy" mask fades revealing a cold and callous individual. Jealousy, hypocrisy, and double standards become the norm. Initially, the psychopath may be open to meeting some of your friends and family but quickly starts withdrawing participation from them.
Becoming a secret girlfriend, as he will isolate the relationship, enables him to keep psychological control over you and maintain multiple women in this manner.
7. You accept the cycle of abuse
The psychopath starts disappearing or manufacturing breakups, asks for forgiveness, and romances you back. You’re gradually being conditioned to accept the cycle of violence where emotional and mental abuse becomes the foundation where other forms of abuse (sexual, physical, financial, etc.) will occur.
Narcissists and psychopaths are loveless individuals who are incapable of giving you a fairy-tale ending.
You are worthy of a man’s respect, love, commitment, and protection. You’re wired to give and receive fearless love!
If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse or violence, there are resources to get help
There are ways to go about asking for help as safely as possible. For more information, resources, legal advice, and relevant links visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline. For anyone struggling with domestic abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Jianny Adamo, LMHC, founder of Fearless Love Coaching and Counseling supports singles and couples breaking through fears and limitations to create safe and intimate marriages and relationships.