Husband Wonders If He Did Something 'Unforgivable By Telling His Wife 'Life Would Be Better Without Her'
He had reached his breaking point but worried his words were too harsh.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock A husband questioned if he handled a disagreement with his wife in the best manner after she stormed out of their home and demanded an apology.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITAH, the 43-year-old claimed that for a while he has been feeling like his wife didn't have his back. His resentment had been building and culminated after he was involved in a traffic incident that added fuel to the fire. Heightened emotions and growing relationship dissatisfaction resulted in a major argument, and the husband is now worried he said things that can't be unsaid.
A husband questioned if he said something 'unforgivable' by telling his wife 'life would be better without her.'
"When we first began dating, nobody could make me happy like Anne. She always seemed to know exactly the right thing to say to me when I was down," he began in his Reddit post. "But over the past decade or so, she has really started to show her true colors, and a lot of what her ex-husband said to me about her has begun to make more sense."
He explained that, for example, he works in a high-stress environment where he's required to fix other people's problems. It's exhausting, and usually, when he gets home, that exhaustion is only heightened because his wife tends to dump her problems onto him the minute he walks through the door. Despite not having a job and spending all of her free time at home, she's started making lists of things she would like him to do once he's home.
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The husband said he doesn't feel like his wife is supportive, and his feelings have been building for a while.
His biggest issue with his wife, Anne, is that he feels he can never open up to her about anything that's going on in his life. Whenever he tries to, she immediately tries to "one-up" him with an issue that she's having, or she'll take the side of the person who wronged him.
The latter resulted in the argument that prompted his post to Reddit.
"There was an enormous problem at work that basically all fell on my shoulders to solve. When I was crossing the street after work, I had a green signal and a bicycle blew through a red and sideclipped me," he recalled.
"The cyclist yelled expletives at me and then rode away. I thought about calling the police because it was technically a hit-and-run, but there was probably nothing they could do." Unfortunately, he couldn't even get a sympathetic ear from his wife.
After a traffic incident, his wife blamed him, and he lashed out.
As soon as he got home, he told his wife about the cyclist partially hitting him. Thinking she'd commiserate with him about the lack of awareness from the cyclist and at least show some concern, she instead listened to the entire story and took the cyclist's side.
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He attempted to reiterate that he had done absolutely nothing wrong in the scenario and that the cyclist shouldn't have just run through the light, but his wife simply didn't agree.
She argued that cyclists aren't allowed to stop, and when he disagreed with her, she began looking up the rules of the road for them.
While some municipalities allow bicyclists to proceed through a red signal that doesn't change to green if they yield to oncoming traffic, it's still expected for cyclists to come to a complete stop at a red light, especially if a pedestrian is waiting to cross.
The former seems to be law in the state they live in because his wife found evidence that cyclists can treat red lights like stop signs.
"She began triumphantly reading the law to me loudly, word for word, getting louder when I kept trying to tell her that I wasn’t interested. At the end of her spiel, she gave me this incredibly arrogant look as if she was right. I just stared at her for a second and said that my life would be better without her," he continued.
Resentment and frustration that go unchecked can be damaging to a relationship.
While his delivery could've been a bit less unpleasant, it sounds like the message of frustration was a long time coming. Resentment usually starts to rear its ugly head when one party feels there has been or continues to be some kind of injustice perpetuated by their partner.
When it goes unchecked and grows, relationship damage can occur. In fact, according to WebMD, when one partner starts to resent the other without explaining their feelings, the resentment can actually become contagious and spread to the other person.
Had this husband talked to his wife when he first felt her lack of empathy, he never would have resorted to hurtful words. Thankfully, if Anne and her husband are willing to put in the work, the relationship is far from broken. Psych Central advises couples to practice being open about their feelings and especially discussing instances when they feel directly emotionally wounded by the other person.
Talking things out won't be a quick fix, but communication is an integral step towards healing and moving forward.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.