Father Upset That Wife 'Had 3 Criticisms Before Even Saying Hello' After He Cared For Their Kids While She Was Out With Friends
Small acts of love often mean the most.
shironosov | Canva Pro Marriage isn't easy. Add kids to the mix, and any problems that may have been lurking under the surface will make themselves known — with gusto.
After a dad made sure to leave work early to take care of his kids so his wife could have a night to herself, he was taken aback when she returned home with multiple criticisms before even saying hello.
The husband took to Reddit to vent about his wife’s critical reaction as soon as she got home after a night out with friends.
In the r/mildlyinfuriating forum, the man expressed how he took the initiative in managing his kids’ responsibilities for the day while his wife was out with friends.
“I spent half the day taking kids to school and dentist appointments, still finished work early so she could go out with a friend, made the kids dinner and put them to bed (including a toddler, which can be a struggle), all of which I’m generally happy to do,” he wrote in his post.
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Despite his efforts, she returned home less than pleased.
“She just walked in the door after her night out and had three criticisms for me for things I did wrong before she even bothered to say hello (and never even got around to that),” he expressed.
He didn’t specifically share what her criticisms were, but her coming home from what should’ve been a restorative evening and instantly expressing complaints might signify a larger underlying problem between the couple. He explained how they both balance their responsibilities evenly, and he contributes to cooking dinner and putting their kids to bed most nights of the week.
He revealed that she complains about “always having to clean up” after him, but he claimed this is not true, as he makes sure to clean up anything he leaves overnight in the mornings before he leaves for work.
They both take turns having one night out a week so they can spend time with friends after work, during which the other partner takes on full childcare and household responsibilities for the day. Overall, based on the father’s post, they seem to have a pretty fair and balanced system.
So why does his wife seem to be disappointed by her husband’s efforts?
Reddit users advised the father to have an intimate conversation with his wife about her needs and feelings.
Some Reddit users theorized that the wife’s friends may have had something to do with her criticism when she arrived home, comparing her and her friends to a “board of directors” with “improvements” to suggest to her husband.
“The only real big fight my spouse and I have ever had was after a girls' night, and her ‘friends’ let her know I wasn’t doing enough,” one Reddit user commented.
Others identified how the wife may be taking on a heavier load than her husband and is growing tired, or she may be projecting her own sense of guilt onto him.
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“I wouldn't be surprised if this is one of those situations where she has to carry the mental load of organizing everything and also does most of the childcare,” one person suggested. “She may be overwhelmed and has particular systems for getting things done in order to be as efficient as possible. Ask yourself honestly if you've done things that will make her life harder tomorrow.”
“Often mothers feel guilt about going to do things for themselves — even if it doesn’t look that way from the outside. Doing something nice for herself may have made her feel like she was letting her kids down and not being a good mom, and she came and projected her sense of inadequacy onto you.”
The mom could be internalizing stress from her situation, likely due to work, household chores, and childcare, among other things, especially if she feels her husband is not pulling his weight.
Couples need to prioritize healthy and mature communication when difficult feelings come up.
Married couples can either grow apart or grow too comfortable after being together for a long time, leading to a lack of regular communication or consideration of each other’s needs. They can lose sight of the significance of small efforts to show their love for each other, even with something as simple as a hello or goodbye.
According to a 2020 study, researchers found that the more everyday experiences of love a person receives from their partner, the higher their levels of psychological well-being, feelings of purpose, and optimism are. When individuals offer small gestures of affection and love to their partners aligned with their unique love language, they strengthen their relationship and make their love last.
While both the husband and his wife seem to be doing their part, they might need to evaluate the small ways they’re showing their love for each other. While the husband wanted his wife to at least say hello and thank him for his help when she returned home, she may also be craving intentional acts of kindness from him, like making her coffee in the morning or taking on a task she usually does herself.
In essence, the best way they can navigate this conflict is through communication and understanding of each other’s needs and desires.
The husband was appreciative and receptive to the various perspectives Reddit users offered him about his situation, which will likely give him much to think about when he broaches this important conversation with his wife.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.