I'm A Divorce Attorney And This Is The First Thing I Tell Any Potential Client
When considering getting a divorce, make this one change first.
Karolina Grabowska | Canva Many potential clients would tell me in their initial consultation, “It’s so weird! It’s like my ex-spouse is always one step ahead of me.”
All too often, they are. I was a divorce attorney and mediator for thirty years. I was also a pastor who counseled with folks about relationship challenges, a frequent phenomenon I observed was when one or both spouses were spying on the other.
When we’re in a relationship, it is common for the other person to know all our identifying information: date of birth, SSN, mother’s maiden name, high school mascot, everything.
So when ex-husbands or ex-wives get suspicious or things turn rocky, they can easily access email, Facebook messaging, and more. If your spouse is the primary person on a joint phone account, they may even have access to call logs and texts.
That's why the first thing I tell all potential divorce clients is to change their passwords to all email and social media accounts and add two-step verification.
One divorce lawyer affirmed that distrustful spouses have constantly spied on each other. In the modern era, however, it is no longer necessary to hire a private eye for a spouse to track his or her better half.
In the era of social media, spouses and former spouses often engage in digital “self-help,” tracking each other’s movements through GPS, intercepting emails and text messages with one other’s passwords, or simply searching the other’s iPhone.
The problem with many of the apps and devices used to track people is that their use is often illegal under federal and state law. With that in mind, it might be best to explore other options and make sure whatever you do is legal.
I’ve even had men bring me copies of emails that they illegally obtained from their ex-wife’s email account and ask me if they can be used as evidence.
That disgusted me, and I’d withdraw from the case if they were unwilling to admit what they were doing. I’ve even had clients who went home after the first consultation and called me back hysterical after finding listening devices and hidden cameras.
For a myriad of reasons, I recommend that everyone upgrade their online security. Do not think up passwords on your own. Use the complicated passwords suggested by your web browser. Use two-step authentication on everything.
In our modern world, a little paranoia is a necessity.
Lawyers and judges in divorce court are constantly dealing with evidence that was obtained through spying or stalking. According to the Department of Justice, 14 out of every 1,000 persons over the age of 18 in the U.S. are victimized by stalking every year. This figure jumps to 34 out of 1,000 when the victim is divorced or separated.
However, some types of spying, if it is done extensively, can result in certain consequences. The following are ramifications that the individual can face: receiving a fine, being made to pay punitive damages, and receiving time in jail.
When considering getting a divorce, it can be tempting to rely on spying or surveillance on your spouse because you may believe it can result in your favor. However, in reality, the court may not see it from your point of view and may award your spouse a more significant share during the divorce proceedings. Both state and federal laws make it illegal to spy on another person, even if it’s your spouse.
Kelly Sophia Grace is a former lawyer, pastor, and counselor who has helped thousands of couples with relationship challenges. Her most recent book, Lessons Learned the Hard Way, was written in collaboration with documentarian Betsy Chasse.