A Lawyer Weighs In On A Sneaky New Way To Catch A Cheating Spouse
A public service announcement from a divorce attorney that might save you a lot of time ... and heartbreak.
Ikostudio, sonmez, oksanashufrych, Africa images | Canva There is a widely held belief when it comes to cheating, "The wife is always the last to know". However, some speculate that somewhere around 85% of women are correct when they think their spouses or intimate partners are cheating.
Many clients tell me they are "certain" their spouse or partner is having an adulterous affair, even though they do not have the actual proof to establish this fact.
The lack of proof or the hope it is untrue often convinces husbands and wives to find out the accuracy of their suspicions. As I have come to discover in my divorce practice, spousal spying has become much more prevalent and sophisticated, especially when it comes to establishing infidelity. The days of the private detective lurking around the "love nest" have given way to more sophisticated and less costly methods. The photographic lens has been replaced by voice-activated tape recorders, GPS devices, computer keystroke programs, and apps to remotely access an iPhone or Android device.
Please remember that stalking can still be stalking even if the object is your spouse.
The problem with many of the apps and devices used to track people is that their use is often illegal under federal and state law. With that in mind, it might be best to explore other options and make sure whatever you do is legal.
What you need to know before 'honey trapping' a cheating spouse
According to the honey-trappers, it works
A woman in Britain found an ingenious way to test her husband's fidelity — "honey trapping." As explained by Dani Bose, who shared her story publicly. Honey trapping is a practice where she is paid by suspicious women to flirt with their boyfriends or husbands online to see if they will take the bait. In this case, the suspicious wife contacted Bose and agreed to pay her to test her husband's fidelity.
She directly messaged him on WhatsApp about the boat he was selling online. The conversation about the boat quickly turned flirty, and the husband told Dani Bose that he was 42 years of age and widowed, a complete falsehood. As they say in the fishing, "the hook had been set".
Given his alleged marital status (widower) Bose then went in.
"So there wouldn't be any problem with us meeting up and being intimate?" said Ms. Bose. After he said "OK," gave her the thumbs-up emoji and suggested she book a hotel room. Bose ended the conversation and promised to get back to him with "where and when." Instead, she forwarded the incriminating messages to the wife, who knew her suspicions were accurate. For her part, Bose then posted the videos of her conversation with her husband on TikTok, where she garnered more than one million views.
Bose is not alone in her endeavors. Carolina Lekker from Barcelona charges approximately $1,600 for her honey-trapping services, which includes a money-back guarantee if the spouse or partner passes the fidelity test. According to her, one of the most fertile hunting grounds is LinkedIn. Ms. Lekker explained women are less likely than men to use LinkedIn to troll for people willing to cheat.
Honey trapping is "a growth industry"
Both Bose and Lekker's businesses are booming. These ingenious women seem to have followed the advice of the American writer and editor Ruth Stafford Peale, who famously observed that success in life can be achieved "if you find a need and fill it." Both Bose and Lekker have found and filled their niches.
It should be noted none of the spouses or partners who were honey-trapped met or had any physical contact with the temptresses. In the eyes of the law, no criminal act had been committed. For example, under the law of 21 states in this country, adultery is a crime. However, such criminal prosecutions would require proof of sexual intercourse before a person could be convicted. Mere flirtatious conversations would not qualify as a criminal act no matter how graphic or direct.
Additionally, under the divorce laws of New York and many other jurisdictions, such behavior would not qualify as an act of adultery because of the absence of sexual intercourse. On top of this, New York has a legal defense to the adultery divorce ground if the other spouse encouraged the husband or wife to have an affair or to commit adultery. Of course, such legal niceties and defenses are lost upon the spouse who rightly suspects that their partner is one step away from an affair.
In keeping with the purpose of this magazine to inform, counsel, and highlight stories, this post may also be considered a public service announcement. If you want to keep your marriage intact, resist the calls of the honey-trapping "sirens" (modern-day temptresses akin to those of Greek mythology who lured sailors with their charms). If you fail to heed this warning, then, like the ancient sailors of Greece, you may find yourself and your marriage "on the rocks."
Ronald Bavero is a divorce attorney, legal educator, and author of the critically acclaimed, five-star book, “An Elephant Doesn’t Marry A Giraffe – Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney.” He also maintains a website of information and valuable articles about the process of divorce and separation.