Crying Man Begs The Person He Loves Not To Replace Him — ‘Teach Me To Be The Man You Want’
Can emotional intelligence be taught?
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock A healthy relationship involves a balanced amount of give and take — the key word being “balanced.” When one half of a couple constantly overextends themselves for the other half, that relationship is based on a level of inequity that’s not sustainable.
A TikTok of a man begging his partner to teach him to be better summoned women everywhere, who explained this very concept to him.
The crying man begged the person he loved not to replace him, exclaiming, ‘Teach me how to be the man you want.’
The man is entitled to his feelings, and he’s allowed to feel hurt and discarded.
Yet the statement he made is part of a larger narrative in heterosexual relationships, where the man expects his partner to do all the heavy emotional lifting.
Women expressed their exhaustion with the crying man's mentality.
One woman’s response to the man’s request to be taught how to be the right kind of partner was clear and concise: “Partner, not project,” she said.
Another woman noted, “You repeat yourself so many times and you get tired. It honestly gets so draining and repetitive. If he wanted to, he would.”
Change isn’t always as simple as “If they wanted to, they would,” but the woman brings up a valuable point. People who want to change put in the work to do so; they don’t ask their partner to guide them through it.
“It’s not our job,” another woman wrote. “Do the work, fellas.”
A man in the comments also spoke to the idea of doing the work on your own, saying, “It’s actually up to us.”
As one woman declared, “It’s hard to teach emotional intelligence.”
A life coach named Shawnda shared her nuanced response to the man’s request, emphasizing what so many women in the comments expressed. “At this point, women are tired,” she said
“We would like our men to come to us already emotionally intelligent,” she continued. “We’re tired of wasting our tears, our energy, our years on men who refuse to do better and don’t even want to try until they really feel like we’re leaving them.”
Putting in effort after the problems have reached a breaking point is too late.
“Where was the effort when she was asking for it?” Shawnda questioned. “I’m sure she probably vocalized to you many times what it would take to keep her.”
She touched on an essential truth of imbalanced relationships, noting that they don’t necessarily end due to lack of love but because women are tired of carrying their partner’s weight with no reciprocity.
Speaking to straight men in general, Shawnda said, “Some of these women aren’t with you because they don’t love you anymore. It’s because they’re exhausted.”
“She is tired of her cup being empty because she’s always filling yours,” she continued.
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The life coach also noticed something about the man’s declaration that speaks to the privilege men have, noting, “The sad part is, he’s still making it about him.”
“He’s worried about him being replaced,” Shawnda said. “What about her? That’s probably what the issue was in the first place.”
“You’re not crying for her; you’re crying for you,” she continued.
Changing how we show up in a partnership requires us to fully recognize where we’re causing our loved one harm. That desire to change has to come from an internal push, not an external factor, or the change itself will be fleeting.
While the man’s expression of emotion is entirely valid, so, too, is his partner ending the relationship because it just wasn’t enough.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.