10 Lethal Signs Your Best Friend Secretly Hates Your Guts
No, they're not your friend.
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock You and your bestie are inseparable. You are always together, talking, chatting, sharing inside jokes, and flaunting your fun on Instagram. Once in a while, though, you get a bit worried about your friendship. Something feels…off. Believe it or not, most people will have at least one friendship where they aren’t really liked. If any of these signs ring true, be careful. Your bestie might not actually be a big fan of you at all.
Here are the 10 lethal signs your friend secretly hates your guts.
1. There's awkward energy between you.
Most people have an idea when they’re hanging out with someone who doesn’t want to be there. The person in question may look bored, resigned, or just irritable. Your friend might be texting someone else, checking their watch, or huffing a bit.
A good rule of thumb is that you should trust your gut. If something feels unusually stiff or unnatural about your friend’s behavior, you might want to back away.
2. You hear that they talked bad about you behind your back.
People tend to be a lot more honest about what they think of you when they think you won’t hear it. If you find your friend saying terrible stuff about you, dissing your hobbies, or just bragging about how bad they treat you, RUN.
Your friend showed who they are. They meant what they said. They just assumed you wouldn’t find out. Don’t be fooled by the smiles they give. It’s their way to cover up their tracks.
3. They only talk to you when they need something.
It’s no secret that a person who only reaches out to you when they need something isn’t a friend. That’s a user. A wise person once said, “You can tell who a person really is when you see how they react to being told no.”
Friends who only want things from you aren’t friends. Friends who only seem interested in the money you spend on them aren’t friends. If they never seem to pay you back in kind, it’s best to back away from them.
Vitalii Stock / Shutterstock
4. They're mean to you.
Real friends are happy for you, even when you’re doing a lot better than they are. If your friend makes subtle digs about your lifestyle, looks, or income, they’re not happy for you. They may be jealous and can’t handle being around you because of your success.
It can be different if they admit they’re envious and struggling. However, if all they do is make crude jokes that seem just a little too mean-spirited, that’s a person who won’t ever be your real friend.
5. You're always an afterthought.
When you’re hanging out with a group of your buds, do they mention outings you didn’t go to? Were you only made aware of get-togethers after the fact? If so, that entire group is telling you exactly where you stand.
Even if you’re hanging out with them, they aren’t that keen on hanging out with you. It may be time to slowly fade out of that clique. In some cases, it might be good to pull aside a trusted friend and ask if something’s up. On a similar note, if you find out you’re not in the group chat, that’s your sign that you’re not as liked as you think you are.
6. You are always the one initiating.
A person who is excited to see you and be your friend is a person who will make an effort to call you from time to time. If you don’t hear anything from your buddy for a while, do they call you? Or, are you the only one reaching out?
While some people are just terrible with calling others, it usually indicates that you’re not a high priority.
7. Your other friends tell you to watch your back around this person.
If you have very good friends, then they might give you a heads-up when it comes to false friendships. Listen to your friends if they warn you that someone isn’t who they appear to be. They often see things you don’t.
Of course, it could be a case where your fake friend is trying to isolate you by giving you an “anonymous phone call” or trying to pull you aside. If you can, try to get to the bottom of the matter before you make a decision.
8. They don't respect you.
It doesn’t take rocket science to recognize when someone doesn’t respect you. A person who doesn’t respect your time will regularly show up late or not even call you to tell them your plans fell through.
A person who doesn’t respect your boundaries will push you to do something you’re clearly uncomfortable with. A person who doesn’t respect your relationships will put you down in front of others and sabotage you.
If a person truly likes you, they will respect you. It’s just that simple.
9. They sabotage you.
Back in middle school, you probably had that one friend who liked to get you in trouble with the teacher. That type of interaction was the first sign that you probably had a fake friend in your midst. Newsflash: some things never change.
When you grow up, sabotage can include things like wrecking your plans, trying to steal your romantic partner, destroying your property, or distracting you from your goals. People do this when they don’t like you and they don’t want you to succeed.
10. They don't show up to things you planned.
Let’s be honest: friends who like you will make a point to show up to the events you throw and the parties you host. Think about the last get-together you had. Did most of your friends refuse to attend, suddenly drop off the map, or swear they’d come only to ghost you?
If getting people to show up to your parties feels like pulling teeth, the message they send is very clear. They’re not interested in friendship.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer on Medium, Substack, and more. She is also the founder of RaggedRiches, a personal finance site for people who don't fit the typical wealth mold.