Your Parents Did A Good Job Raising You If You Have These 11 Skills
People who do well in life were likely raised by parents who helped them get there.
wavebreakmedia / Shutterstock One of the many end-goals of parenting is to ensure that kids grow up to be self-reliant and successful adults. They model skills like decision making, behavior management, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence, paving the way for their kids to become the best versions of themselves. If you have these skills, your parents did a good job raising you.
Parenting coach Cecilia Hilkey states, "Research shows that children with supportive and warm parents are also more likely to do what their parents want, even when they are not in the room or when they are following the directions of an adult that is not their parents." So it makes sense that parents who do a good job raising their kids have adult children who are successful in a wide variety of settings.
Parents aim to teach their kids how to care for themselves in both a practical and an emotional sense, which sometimes means letting them figure out challenges on their own, without interfering. This shows kids that they’re capable and resilient, both of which are essential to realizing their full potential.
Your parents did a good raising you if you have these 11 skills
1. You advocate for yourself
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Standing up for yourself isn’t always easy, but if you practice self-advocacy, your parents did a good job raising you. The National Alliance on Mental Illness describes self-advocacy as promoting and supporting your need, interests, and well-being. While the specific details of one person’s needs likely differs from another’s, the basis for self-advocacy remains the same.
On a personal level, self-advocacy requires being assertive and expressing your needs in a firm yet respectful way. It involves establishing a balance between your personal and professional life, which means setting workplace boundaries and being clear and communicative about what you need to take care of yourself. Another important part of self-advocacy is building up support networks of friends, family, and care providers.
The more you know yourself, the easier it is to advocate for yourself. If your parents gave you the skills you need to be self-reflective and stand up for yourself, they did a good job raising you.
2. You have healthy coping mechanisms
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Having healthy coping mechanisms is another skill that shows your parents did a good job raising you. If you’re able to manage emotional dysregulation in ways that don't cause you harm, it means that your parents taught you effective coping skills.
Experiencing painful emotions is part of life, yet knowing how to handle those emotions when they arise is an essential part of taking care of yourself.
According to The Gottman Institute, practicing mindfulness can help you deal with difficult emotions. In a mindful state, “You have space to reflect and thoughtfully respond, rather than react.”
Sitting with your feelings and accepting them is the first step of mindfulness, followed by identifying and labeling what you’re feeling. The Gottman Institute shared that accepting your emotions allows you to release them.
“You will soon come to realize that you are not your anger, fear, grief, or any other difficult emotion you are feeling… Opening yourself up to your emotions allows you to create a space of awareness, curiosity, and expansiveness that you can then apply to your relationship, as well as any other aspect of your life,” they conclude.
If you can accept your emotions, you’ll be able to recognize that you’re not defined by them, which allows you to move through them with grace.
3. You can work collaboratively
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Another skill that shows your parents did a good job raising you is if you’re able to work well with others. It’s one thing to produce good work on your own, yet working collaboratively requires a different set of skills. Working as part of a team means you can express your thoughts clearly and integrate your ideas with other people’s.
According to the Wharton School of Business, collaboration is a process that paves your way toward success. Learning alongside other people puts your perspective in context and allows everyone’s ideas to flourish. Successful collaboration means knowing when to speak up and when to listen, which shows you have intellectual humility and a high level of intelligence. It’s not always easy to take a backseat and let others shine in a group project, but your ability to pitch in for the good of the team shows that your parents did a good job raising you.
4. You balance your time well
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Having time management skills is another sign your parents did a good job raising you. As professional organizer Diane Quintana points out, time management is related to how you coordinate tasks and activities over the course of a day to maximize your efforts. She shared the benefits of good time management, including less stress, higher productivity and better focus, and more free time in the long term.
“Remember to place your focus on things that support the way you want to live,” Quinata advises. “It can be tempting to place your focus on something that your peers think is important. Resist that temptation, unless it also aligns with what matters to you.”
She notes that dividing your time effectively means knowing what to pay attention to and what to let go of.
“Take advantage of your personal strengths and better organize your day so that you do your hardest, most challenging work when you know you are at your best,” she explains.
Knowing yourself is an essential part of time management. If you have a deep understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, you can organize your schedule in a way that benefits you most.
5. You’re an effective communicator
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Having strong communication skills shows that your parents did a good job raising you. Every relationship we have is built on meaningful communication. In order to connect with other people, we have to express what we think and how we feel in a clear way, but even more than that, we have to be able to listen.
Professor and educator Yvonne K. Fulbright shares that “there may be nothing more valuable than working on your communication skills” to improve your relationships.
She notes that withholding criticism and owning your opinions are important parts of communicating, along with keeping an open mind and being able to receive feedback.
“Communication needs to be a two-way street,” Fulbright explains. “If you expect your partner to hear you out, then you need to make yourself vulnerable to any reaction, especially the need to reflect back on what you’ve just said.”
“There are three sides to any issue in a relationship: your perspective, your partner’s perspective, and the truth. You’re a player in what’s going on, and you need to be open and available to how your partner sees matters — including your role,” she concludes.
Staying present and emotionally validating your partner are key parts to effective communication, which is the foundation of having a healthy relationship.
6. You have a routine for self-care
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If your parents taught you how to prioritize and take care of yourself, they did a good job raising you. It’s easy to push our needs aside, yet the more we ignore our needs, the more we risk burning out. Having a consistent self-care routine can ensure that you’re meeting your needs before it’s too late.
While self-care is often categorized as a frivolous activity, the true point of self-care is to live a balanced and fulfilling life.
Therapist Gloria Brame shares that “the optimal goal of self-care is to build your internal resources for dealing with life’s stresses.”
“Sleeping well, getting a restful nap, making sure to move your body throughout the day, practicing gratitude, and making time for meditation all help your body and mind feel more vigorous and alive — and help you weather problems that life may throw your way” Dr. Brame concludes.
Knowing your stressors and how to calm yourself down means paying attention to what makes you feel like your truest self, which shows your parents did a good job raising you.
7. You have strong friendships
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The ability to maintain strong friendships over the course of your life is an invaluable skill, one that means your parents did a good job raising you. Having strong social skills allows you to put others at ease, which enhances your ability to connect to each other.
Coach Sira Mas notes that treating people with “warmth and openness… bridges the gap between strangers and creates an instant sense of familiarity.”
Mas shares that curiosity is another trait that people with strong social skills have, noting that being curious about other people is “rooted in a fundamental belief that everyone has a unique story worth hearing, an idea to share, or an experience from which they can learn.”
Mas explains that ultimately, creating lasting friendships is about “showing up as we are and caring about the person we’re with.”
8. You can adapt to new situations
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Being flexible and adapting to unknown environments shows that your parents did a good job raising you. This skill is rooted in resilience, which is the ability to face challenges and overcome setbacks. Being resilient allows people to learn from their mistakes and see failure as an opportunity to become their truest selves.
Licensed clinical social worker Cheryl Gerson explains that raising kids who can survive life’s biggest challenges often means stepping back and letting them struggle.
“We don't help them grow by letting them bail out of anything that pushes their comfort zone,” she notes. “Our kids need us to teach them the value of staying with something difficult.”
“Kids need to realize getting what you want doesn't always come easily,” Gerson continues. “That's the best way to raise an emotionally resilient child.”
Being resilient means you can walk into a new situation and assess how to approach it. It means you have the confidence you need to stick with difficult tasks, which is a sign your parents did a good job raising you to believe in yourself and your abilities.
9. You practice mindfulness
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Your parents did a good job raising you if you’re able to stay present and practice mindfulness, both of which help mitigate stress and bring more balance into your life. The non-stop demands of daily life can be overwhelming, but knowing how to be mindful lets you slow down and tune into your intentions.
Grief coach Pamela Aloia notes that part of practicing mindfulness means paying attention to the little things and working toward understanding why you feel the way you do. She shares that being mindful about your emotions means “finding an understanding of their origin and then slowly going to work on how best to address them.”
Aloia says mindfulness “doesn’t have to be a rigid, difficult practice.”
“All it takes is a few moments each day to be fully engaged in the present, fully aware of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally in pure observation mode — without any judgment,” she concludes.
Part of mindfulness is letting ourselves just be, which is a difficult skill to cultivate. If you incorporate mindfulness into your life, your parents did a good job raising you.
10. You show yourself love
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Having a routine rooted in self-love shows your parents did a good job raising you. True self-love is the basis for self-acceptance, which opens the door to living our fullest lives and loving other people.
As social media specialist Michelle Horton shares, “The only way to really understand and experience love is when you can truly and deeply love yourself.”
She notes that eradicating self-criticism is a key part of loving yourself. Tuning out your inner critic isn’t easy, but Horton revealed a fairly simple approach: “Be your own friend.”
She notes that changing the way you talk to yourself goes hand-in-hand with forgiving yourself.
“Let go of the grudge,” she advises. “Lend yourself compassion for your story, knowing that it's only a story.”
Once we learn to love ourselves, we can dismantle our walls and let other people in. Horton emphasizes that self-love is a lifelong practice, noting that “Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is to just accept yourself.”
“Remind yourself that you're okay,” she says. “You've always been okay.”
11. You set long-term goals
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If you set long-term goals for yourself, it shows your parents did a good job raising you. Your goals aren’t based on external validation or proving your worth to anyone else. Rather, they’re about accessing the world around you and showing up to every situation as your most authentic self.
Setting goals can keep you focused on what you want to achieve in the long-run. Your goals might be career-oriented or they might focus on what you want in your personal life. Knowing what you want means spending time with yourself and trying out different things to see what fits you best.
Allowing your goals to change as you change shows that you have a flexible mindset. Remaining committed to yourself, above all else, shows you prioritize your well-being. It shows that you nourish every part of yourself, which is a sign your parents did a good job raising you.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.