Working Dad Reveals Why He Chooses To Wake Up For His Baby's Overnight Feedings Even Though His Wife Is On Maternity Leave
Should caring for a newborn be a team effort?
Anna Kraynova / Shutterstock.com Caring for a newborn often strains even the best of partnerships. In many relationships, there’s often an imbalance between partners when it comes to caring for children, especially when moms are on parental leave.
Recognizing this imbalance, working dad Neil Shyminsky has been vigilant in partnering with his wife on maternity leave, especially when it comes to overnight feedings.
“I’m still working full-time at my job; my wife is on parental leave, which means I work full-time, and she also works full-time,” he said on TikTok. “I might have to work a full day with 4 hours of terrible sleep, but what’s the alternative?”
The working dad revealed the real reason he wakes up for his baby’s overnight feedings, even though his wife is on maternity leave.
After having their newborn, Shyminsky was dedicated to maintaining a healthy balance for himself and his wife right from the start by dividing their night routine into “shifts” to care for the baby. “Should she have to work a full day on no [sleep]?” he asked. “Parenting is work. Parenting is labor. Stay-at-home parents work.”
Many still cling to the antiquated notion that a mother on parental leave should be caring for the baby 24/7. But as Shyminsky explained, a stay-at-home parent is working a full-time job. That means overnights should be split, with both parents taking on overtime equally.
“I have no idea why we are still having this argument," he stated. "We’re all working, we’re all tired, and we all have to work in the morning.”
The new parents take shifts to ensure they have equal time with the baby.
Unsurprisingly, data on childcare in the U.S. proves that traditional parenting roles still prevail even for working mothers. Unemployed fathers spent just 10% more time caring for their children than full-time working mothers in the same household.
The same data also indicated that, on average, full-time and part-time working mothers do more childcare and are responsible for more household labor than their male counterparts in the same household — whether they’re employed or not.
BaLL LunLa / Shutterstock.com
Feeling seen and heard in the comments, many women celebrated Shyminsky for calling out the inequitable burden on exhausted new mothers.
“Why, as a father, would you want your partner to be caring for your newborn with zero hours of sleep? I can’t understand these people’s explanations.”
Many new mothers exclusively care for newborns because of long-held beliefs that fathers can't fulfill their needs during the early weeks and months of life.
Parenting coach Paige on TikTok explained that many mothers bear the burdens of their newborn’s needs early on, as their partners tend to go back to work full-time earlier than those on maternity leave. Despite being home, these mothers are still working — caring for a baby full-time during the day — often fueled by little sleep.
“Dads need to be doing overnights with their babies just like moms from the get-go,” Paige argued. “I don’t care if mom is breastfeeding [or] if dad has gone back to work — it’s so important. Not only does it allow them to unlock some caregiving and bonding, but it will also create a more equitable partnership.”
“It creates this dynamic where dad has turned off his accountability to their baby,” she added, speaking to mothers who adopt all nighttime responsibility for their newborns. “A lot of men will say, ‘I don’t even hear the baby crying’ ... the baby could literally be right next to them.”
Considering more than half of women go back to work after maternity leave, creating and reinforcing this overnight schedule early is essential for the health and well-being of mothers, and for the relationship of fathers and their kids.
Mothers and fathers should share equal responsibility and feel equal accountability for their children's parenting needs, whether newborn or not. Stereotypes about mothers being primary caregivers are outdated and simply ignorant—it’s a partnership.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.