20-Year-Old Woman's Parents Say She's Not Allowed To Move Out Until She's 'Married Or 30' Because They Need Her Financial Help
They are taking advantage of their daughter for their own financial gain.
BearFotos | Shutterstock There comes a time when parents must allow their children to venture out on their own and live independent lives as adults. That doesn't mean they will forget their family, of course, but that they are entering a new stage of life.
Yet, for one reason or another, some parents are unwilling to accept this next step and do everything possible to hold their children back. One woman on Reddit found herself in that unfortunate boat with her parents.
The woman’s parents told her she isn't allowed to move out until she is 'married or 30' because they need her financial help.
“I’m currently 20, about to be 21 in a week,” the woman wrote in her Reddit post. “I am in good financial standing with a job and I hope to live with a roommate once I graduate college next year.”
“However, my parents told me that they won’t allow me to move out until I’m either married or 30,” she continued. “They told me that I 'have my whole life to live on my own, but only a limited amount of time to live with them.'"
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This woman did her best to understand her parents' perspective and give them the benefit of the doubt.
“I understand what they’re saying and I feel horrible leaving them, but I am feeling so controlled in this household,” she explained. “They have cared very well for me physically (food, health, housing), but emotionally it’s getting to be too much.”
For example, she admitted that when she shared with her parents that she was feeling depressed and anxious, they called her "ungrateful and selfish."
To make matters worse, her parents are attempting to control her money.
“They also won’t let me buy a car with my own money that I have been saving up even though it would make our daily lives way easier," she explained. "We only have one car in this household and I’m a full-time student with a part-time job."
Her parents also borrowed her money to pay their bills and mortgage because her father is unemployed, and her mother teaches violin lessons from their house.
“They said that borrowing from me is their last resort and they seemed genuinely hurt by their actions,” she wrote. “They do ask before taking it and of course, I’d love to help them out, but it feels like they’re taking away my ability to live my own life as well.”
“It’s the fact that my dad isn’t willing to get even a part-time job to just have a bit of income that upsets me," he concluded.
It sounds like this woman is experiencing financial abuse at the hands of her parents.
Financial abuse is often discussed in terms of romantic relationships — when one partner withholds or steals funds from another. It is not talked about as frequently in parent-child relationships, but it can and does happen.
According to Syracuse University, “Parental financial abuse is a common form of child abuse. This is a complex issue where the parent uses money as a weapon to take advantage of a minor.”
If a parent financially abuses their child, the child can be left with insurmountable debt or credit so bad they cannot do anything to improve it.
“This can leave the victim in a constant poverty struggle once they get older,” Syracuse University said.
Thankfully, it seems like this woman is aware of the wrongness of the situation she is in. It’s not too late for her to get help and get out of her parents’ house. Since she’s no longer a minor, she has the ability to do so.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.