Woman Feels Pressured To Quit Her Job So She Can Raise Her Stepdaughter's Baby — 'I Never Wanted To Raise A Child'
Staying home and taking care of a child wasn't ever something she envisioned for herself despite her stepdaughter's request.
Bricolage | Shutterstock Often, the role of a grandparent is called into question. While some adults want their parents to be heavily involved in raising their children, others would prefer if grandparents took a backseat and offered help when needed but didn't overstep boundaries and cause issues.
However, for one woman on Reddit, helping out turned into becoming a parent after she found herself expected to take on the mothering role for her stepdaughter's baby.
A woman confessed she feels pressure to quit her job so she can raise her stepdaughter's baby.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITA, the 38-year-old woman shared that she'd married her husband, Sam, five years ago. Her husband knew that she never wanted to have children of her own, which he was fine with.
He had a daughter, Leah, 25, whom she became a stepmother to when she was 15. Leah's biological mother passed away when she was 10, and the two of them got along rather well and had a pretty healthy and loving relationship. Over a year ago, Leah got pregnant by her boyfriend, which is when the drama began.
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"Her boyfriend did not want to keep the baby but she wanted to keep it. He broke up with her," the woman recalled in her post. "Leah moved back in with us 'cause she could not afford her lifestyle without him. She worked as a teacher and he was the breadwinner."
She expressed her concerns about how she was going to raise a child on a teacher's salary and suggested to her stepdaughter that she should get her ex-boyfriend to start paying child support to help with the expenses. But, her husband argued that she should just stay out of their business, so she took a step back from being involved.
Once her stepdaughter had her baby, she quickly realized she was in over her head.
"Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was. She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all [the] chores myself," she continued.
"Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave [her] baby at daycare or with a nanny. Sam and I both work as well."
At one point, her stepdaughter asked if she could stay home with the baby.
Despite her stepdaughter's insistence, she was adamant about not staying home with the baby because not only does she have a job she doesn't want to leave, but she also never envisioned raising a child.
The woman's husband wants her to take a more active role with his grandchild, but she does not want to be a surrogate parent.
After saying no, her stepdaughter ended up going to her dad, but when Sam asked her, she stood her ground.
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When she asked her stepdaughter why she wasn't able to stay home, Leah argued that she was young and wanted to focus her time on building a career instead of being a stay-at-home parent.
Leah broke down to her stepmother, telling her she felt tired all the time and that being a mom wouldn't be fulfilling enough because she wanted to devote her time to fueling her other interests and passions.
"Sam feels bad for her and thinks we should help her. I suggested she pay for a nanny with her income but Leah doesn't want strangers looking after her baby. Both of them are pressuring me to stay home with the baby so she can go to work. I am standing firm on my decision," she added.
While it's devastating that Leah feels all of this emotion and stress over being a new mom, her stepmother shouldn't be targeted as the person who needs to stay home and help raise a baby that isn't even hers.
A good compromise could be her stepmother and father helping with the daycare expenses and other childcare necessities if Leah doesn't want to quit her job and stay home, which she shouldn't have to do if she doesn't want to either.
Her stepdaughter didn't ask for help but rather asked for her stepmother to simply give up her entire career to take care of her baby.
That's an unrealistic request to ask of someone, and no one should ever feel pressured to sacrifice their personal goals or professional achievements to burden themselves with someone else's responsibilities, especially something as time-consuming as raising and taking care of a baby.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.