If Your Parents Taught You These 6 Skills Growing Up, You're Probably A Very Happy Adult Now
Kids need to learn these things to exist in the real world as happy adults.
stockfour | Canva You want your child to be happy. Now, we know the definition of happiness varies. It’s easy to define happiness by how much money or material things you have.
I always say that you can’t define happiness by your bank account. But society tells us something different. You need a new car or those new jeans. I have found that children want your time the most. Maybe it’s cliche, but you really can’t buy love.
After working with children in my practice for nearly two decades, I've found that the root of anxiety in a child often comes from their relationship with their parents.
If Your Parents Taught You These 6 Skills Growing Up, You're Probably A Very Happy Adult Now
If your parents taught you these skills growing up, you're probably a happy adult now:
1. How to build emotional connection through touch
As a society, we are getting away from touch. This is how we connect as human beings.
John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's research on attachment theory shows that early physical interaction nurtures secure emotional connections. Secure attachment, usually developed through regular physical affection, correlates with improved emotional regulation and social skills in later stages of life.
Hold your baby. Don’t buy into letting them cry it out. This will make your child feel alone and insecure. As they get older, dance and play with your children. This is what they will remember most.
2. How to connect through music
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They love to hear your voice. Don’t worry about how you sound; just sing. You can sing your child’s name or favorite song. I love to watch how their eyes light up when you sing to them.
When children are young, they will naturally hum a song. The next time your child does this, sing along with them. This is a great way to connect with your child.
3. How to embrace imperfection
I will admit this is a hard one for me. But you miss moments of joy with your child when you worry too much about the mess.
Ten years from now, the mess won’t matter. They grow up so quickly, you don’t want to miss out. Stop worrying about what your family and friends will think. What’s important is what your child thinks and that you have an emotional connection with them.
A 2009 study found that parents who practiced mindfulness — accepting imperfections and staying present, even when life gets messy — enjoyed greater emotional connection and deeper bonds with their children.
When they grow up they won’t remember the mess, they will remember you.
4. How to cultivate gratitude as a daily practice
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Identify what you are grateful for, no matter how small. This will help foster an attitude of gratitude in the family.
Your child learns from your actions and words. Fostering an attitude of gratitude helps create compassion and hope.
Keep a gratefulness chart on the refrigerator with some fun markers. Make it easy for your child to reach. This way, they write or draw on it when they feel grateful, and everyone can see it.
5. How to build confidence
Remember, your child is trying to find their place in this world. You know this is not easy. Many adults are still trying to find their place, as well.
A 1989 study found that autonomy‐supportive parenting — affirming children’s choices and encouraging independent thinking — boosts children's self-regulation, competence, and creativity. Supportive feedback and validating decisions empower children to build confidence and intrinsic motivation, enabling them to explore ideas and tackle challenges independently.
Affirm your child's positive choices. This is how they learn to navigate the world. You can do this with words or body language — a simple smile will let them know you approve of their choices.
Be open to your child’s ideas and let them try new things. Children love to think out loud. Make sure to support this. It will help with creativity.
6. How to foster lifelong curiosity
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Take time each week to learn something new with your child. For example, you could take a cooking class or a dance class together. Don’t worry about how you look. This will help level the playing field.
Your child will see that you have the same struggles as they do. Your child will also be able to relate to you and see your struggles and triumphs in life. This will let your child know that they don’t have to be perfect.
Don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t done these things. Remember, all good parents make mistakes, and it’s never too late to start with just one of these things today. Embrace the time you have with your child. It’ll be gone before you know it.
Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She is dedicated to helping couples and has completed Levels 1, 2, and 3 at The Gottman Institute.