11 Phrases People Use When Their Parents Never Taught Them The Value Of Money
Schools aren't going to teach us how to think about our money, so our parents influence on our financial values is just about all we have.
tanja-v / Shutterstock The way people are raised has a major impact on their money mindset. More often than not, kids adopt their parents’ attitude toward money, which carries over into their adult life. As difficult as it can be for parents to talk about money, families serve as the basis for people’s financial literacy.
The more open parents are, the more their kids gain an understanding of how money works. People who have a solid foundation of financial knowledge tend to discuss money without shame or stigma, yet the phrases people use when their parents never taught them the value of money often reveal their underlying discomfort.
Here are 11 phrases people use when their parents never taught them the value of money
1. ‘I’ll just put it on my credit card’
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One of the most common phrases people use when their parents never taught them the value of money is “I’ll just put it on my credit card.” It indicates that they don’t have a full grasp on the way credit cards work, which can contribute to spending in a reckless way.
The Financial Counseling Association of America acknowledged that having a credit card is a necessity in today’s world, since they help people build credit, yet they warned against common pitfalls of credit card use that often land people in serious debt.
FCAA President Martin Lynch pointed out that “Many people don’t realize the connection between the balances they’re carrying and their credit score.”
“The larger your balances or the more you owe, the greater the negative impact on the credit utilization portion of your score,” he explained.
Charging purchases to a credit card is easy, but it also makes it easy to forget that you’re spending real money, with real consequences. According to Lynch, “the first part of the problem is failing to recognize that the sheer convenience of using credit cards can produce a sense of complacency, as if no money was borrowed or spent.”
Credit card debt can feel insurmountable, which is why Lynch advocates for being as mindful about spending as possible.
“The number one thing all credit counselors recommend is to create an accurate budget to identify where every dollar is going,” he concluded.
Someone who tracks their spending considers every purchase they make, which means they’re less likely to use credit cards to buy things they can’t actually afford.
2. ‘I can’t afford to save right now’
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People whose parents never taught them the value of money often say “I can’t afford to save right now.” They believe their limited income holds them back from saving, but they don’t realize that this mindset keeps them from creating their own financial safety net. Setting accessible, achievable goals can have long-term impact, especially for people who don’t make much money.
According to life insurance company Paradigm Life, “Building wealth begins with consistent and intentional steps, no matter your income level.”
Developing intentional money habits helps people build up a sense of financial security, and starting small is better than not starting at all. Putting a small portion of your income aside, even if it’s only 5%, is a really solid start. Change has to start somewhere, and taking small steps to secure your financial future is in your control, even when it feels insurmountable.
3. ‘Checking my bank account makes me anxious’
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For people who were never taught the value of money, even thinking about money can be a major source of stress. Their financial anxiety often leads to avoidance behaviors, which is why they say the phrase, “Checking my bank account makes me anxious.” Being avoidant might feel helpful in the moment, but it only increases anxiety in the long term.
According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Judson Brewer, “There can be all sorts of signs, including procrastination, turning away, not opening our bank account apps — all of those are good signs of money avoidance.”
Yet that avoidance doesn’t actually serve a purpose, Brewer pointed out, noting that “The avoidance doesn't magically make our bank account have more money in it. It doesn't magically get the bills paid. It doesn't magically help us work toward having more financial security.”
When it comes to our financial struggles, “We can turn away from them, or we can learn to turn toward them,” he explained. Brewer shared that cultivating “two flavors of awareness, kindness and curiosity, can really help us in all things.”
As painful as it can be to face financial anxiety, taking a direct yet compassionate approach is the best way to soothe your stress.
4. ‘I’m too young to worry about retirement’
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Feeling financially unprepared now can impact people’s future financial security, which is easy to overlook. People whose parents never taught them the value of money tend to think they don’t have to worry about retirement when they’re young, but the truth is, you’re never too young to have a retirement plan.
The Center for Retirement Research reported that millennials and Gen Z have less wealth built up than previous generations did at the same age, mostly due to student loan debt. Fourty percent of millennial households carry student debt, and their outstanding loan balance is over 40% of their income. Given that financial reality, It’s no surprise that so many young people are devoted to having a side hustle, just to create some semblance of savings.
5. 'It’s just 5 dollars, what’s the big deal?’
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Using the phrase “it’s just five dollars, what’s the big deal” is a sign that someone’s parents never taught them the value of money. People use this phrase to justify small expenses, without realizing how much their spending adds up over time. When it comes to saving money, the little things really do make a difference.
Making a budget might not be the most exciting activity in the world, but it’s essential for keeping your personal finances balanced. According to Fidelity Investment, the first two components of managing your money are tracking your income and tracking your expenses.
They recommend recording how much money you bring in each month, along with paying close attention to how much you spend and where that money goes. They pointed out the importance of separating essential expenses from discretionary or optional purchases, as well.
The extra things you buy might only cost five dollars, but getting in the habit of spending small amounts of money often means you have less at the end of the month.
6. ‘I deserve to buy what I want’
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People who use the phrase “I deserve to buy what I want” reveal that their parents never taught them the value of money, or how to separate their sense of self worth from their spending habits. According to financial coach Pegi Burdick, emotional spending is rooted in childhood beliefs around worthiness.
“Feeling undeserving is one of the biggest distorted belief systems we inherit,” she explained. “And when you consider that, it’s not surprising the number of choices we make based upon false information, like ‘You need this now.’”
“The underlying, age-old scars that push you to buy things you don’t need are tough to sort out, let alone heal,” she continued.
Burdick shared that getting your spending under control can increase your confidence.
“Eliminate non-essential spending and move forward from there,” she advised. “As you stop spending on nonessentials, check them off your list. As you do this, not only will your debt decrease, but so will your shame. And from there, your confidence will increase.”
7. ‘I’d rather enjoy life now than save money’
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Using the phrase “I’d rather enjoy life now than save money later,” is an indication that someone’s parents never taught them the value of money. It’s easy for people to fall into patterns that keep them stuck in a vicious cycle of financial insecurity. Worrying about the future isn’t especially productive, but taking steps to secure your finances now can save you from being financially unstable later on.
For many people, financial instability feels unavoidable, which makes them less likely to save for the future. As of 2021, 54% of people in the U.S. were living paycheck to paycheck, due to wage stagnation and the rising cost of living. Even people making over $100,000 a year are struggling to find financial traction, as 40% of that income bracket reported living paycheck to paycheck.
Mismanaging money now can negatively impact people in the years to come, emotionally and economically, as financial issues can cause psychological distress. The American Psychology Association reported that debt is associated with lower productivity, lower self-esteem, and higher stress. Financial stress can compound over time, and taking care of yourself now sets you up for a healthier future.
8. ‘I’ll never be rich, so why bother saving?’
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In many ways, people’s money mindsets stem from their sense of self-worth. When people experience extended financial trauma, it’s easy for them to get stuck in the belief that they’ll never find their footing, so they give up on even trying. As therapist and financial behavioral expert Joyce Marter explained, managing your finances has as much to do with mental outlook as any practical money-saving techniques.
“When we don’t believe in ourselves and our ability to be financially well, we get caught in a downward spiral of fear, uncertainty, self-limitation, and financial self-sabotage,” she revealed. Yet believing we deserve abundance sets us up to “take responsibility and necessary action to practice financial self-care.”
Marter revealed that taking control of your finances includes taking action to “rewrite the script of your money story and achieve financial success.”
“Examine the negative beliefs you may have about money,” she advised. “Challenge your limiting beliefs [and] replace such beliefs with empowering ones.” She shared that money mindfulness “allows you to recognize your negative thought patterns and challenge them… You can question their validity and replace them with more rational and positive beliefs.”
While building wealth takes practical action, you’re less likely to take those actions if you don’t believe that you deserve to do so.
9. ‘I don’t see the point of budgeting’
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For people whose parents never taught them the value of money, having a financial plan is far from the first thing on their minds. They say things like, “I don’t see the point of budgeting,” because they lack the foundation for being financially literate. They might avoid budgeting out of fear, apathy, or just not knowing how to make one that fits their needs.
According to Legacy Planning, traditional budgeting plans can be tailored to your individual economic situation. They advised implementing the 50/30/30 budgeting rule, but customizing it to suit your unique lifestyle. The idea of allocating 50% of your income to needs, 30% to wants, and 20% to savings isn’t set in stone, and you’re more likely to stay on track when your budget is actually attainable.
10. ‘The more money I make, the more I can spend’
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People who don’t learn the value of money early on in their lives say things like, “The more I make, the more I can spend,” without realizing how that mindset keeps them from achieving true financial stability. When they get a pay bump, they see it as a reason to up their spending, which is known as lifestyle creep.
Personal finance writer and educator Erin Gobler defined lifestyle creep, or lifestyle inflation, as “the gradual increase in your discretionary spending as your income rises.”
“While it’s natural to elevate your lifestyle as your income increases, it can also seriously derail your financial goals,” she explained. “When you increase your lifestyle in an amount equal to your pay increase, you aren’t allocating additional money to your emergency fund, retirement accounts, and other financial goals.”
Gobbler acknowledged that there’s a financially healthy way to elevate your lifestyle, without compromising your long-term savings.
“The key to doing lifestyle inflation correctly is to be intentional about it,” she explained. “Decide what spending increases would add actual value to your life.”
It might seem like making more money means you don’t need a budget, but budgeting brings value to everyone’s life, no matter how wealthy they are.
11. ‘I can figure out my finances later’
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“I can figure out my finances later” is something people say if their parents never taught them the value of money. Using this phrase is a sign of someone who sells themselves short. They don’t feel like they have agency over their financial situation, so they push back any financial planning they might do, waiting for a future that might never arrive.
Feeling financially stable comes from taking intentional steps to ensure that stability. When people see themselves in the driver’s seat of their own lives, they're more likely to act in ways that give them control over their finances. As financial planner Paco de Leon told NPR, “Our relationship with money is a mirror. How we choose to spend or not spend our money is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.”
“The more you work on your relationship with yourself, the more you're going to see your relationship across all other things in your life improve,” she explained.
Our emotions are tied to our finances, no matter how much money we make. We can give ourselves the gift of financial self-awareness by interrogating how we think about money, and how we want to change.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.