If Your Parents Taught You These Skills Growing Up, You're Probably A Very Well-Adjusted Adult Now
Signs you're a functioning, well-adjusted adult member of society.
Adam Winger | Unsplash We live in a fast-paced society. I hear it all the time in my practice: "How can I connect with my child?"
Parents want to connect with kids more than ever these days. You are not alone in feeling this way. I see many families that are going through this. You can connect with your child. You just need to understand their emotions.
We all have emotions. They are important in life. They help guide us in making many decisions. Sometimes, we wish we didn't have them. But we do. It's called being a human being. I'm always glad when I hear a parent say they would like to connect with their child. This means they deeply care about them.
This is very important. Be curious and enthusiastic about your child and teach these skills that will result in well-adjusted adults.
If your parents taught you these skills growing up, you're probably a very well-adjusted adult now:
1. How to find a hobby you love
This is one of the best things you can do for your child. I know it can be difficult when they like the Raiders and you like the 49ers. I'm not asking you to like the same things they do, I'm just asking you to take a genuine interest.
I'm sure there are many similarities between the two teams. You can always ask questions. This will let them know you are interested.
2. How to meet anger with calm
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This will only make things worse. Anger is a normal emotion. They need to be able to express their feelings. If you don't let them express anger, they won't know how.
Worse yet, if you punish them or hit them for expressing anger, they will learn it's not alright to express it. This can lead to many problems.
We need to express our feelings. When we don't, it can lead to headaches and other physical problems. It's important to get them out, but I'm not saying it's alright to hurt anyone with anger.
Parents can effectively teach children to manage anger calmly by modeling healthy anger management strategies, validating their child's emotions, actively teaching coping mechanisms like deep breathing, and creating a supportive environment where open communication about feelings is encouraged.
A 2023 study explained that this approach is efficient when implemented early in a child's development, as children learn primarily through observation and imitation from their parents.
3. How to express emotions
Variations in children in how they express their feelings are not unusual. One child may be more sensitive, another may rarely express an emotion.
Children learn how to express emotion in many different ways. They learn out on the playground with other children. They also learn from their parents. The environment is a factor and genetics also play a role.
Make it alright in your home to express emotions differently. As adults, we are not all the same, and we shouldn't expect our children to be the same.
4. How to understand and enforce boundaries
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It can be easy to do this. Maybe as a child you lived in a home where expressing emotions wasn't tolerated, or you didn't have very much growing up. Maybe one of your parents left and never returned.
A lot of people have had challenges growing up, which is alright. What's important is that you don't take it out on your child. When a child is never told "no," they don't grow up to respect others. They will think it is right to take things whenever they want.
It's alright to have consequences for their behavior. This will teach them the difference between right and wrong. Believe it or not, children need and want you to set boundaries for them. This will also teach them to respect themselves. Be patient during the process; it will pay off in the long run.
A study published in the Journal of Human Sciences and Extension concluded that when parents actively teach children about boundaries, it significantly contributes to their self-esteem, emotional regulation, and healthy relationship skills by providing a sense of security, fostering respect for others' limits, and enabling them to navigate social interactions confidently. Children who grow up with consistent boundaries are better equipped to handle stress and are less likely to develop behavioral issues.
5. How to be a good person
"Do as I say, not as I do" is not a good way to parent. Children are easily influenced by their parents. When you tell them not to eat too many cookies, and then you have a bunch of them, they will wonder why you are doing that.
One of the biggest parenting tips is to remember that it's alright to make mistakes, just fess up to them when you do. Be dependable. When you make a promise to take your child to the park or a movie, then do it. Make sure to take care of yourself.
Get plenty of rest, eat nutrient-rich food, drink plenty of water, exercise, and schedule a day off when you need it. It is true: you can't take care of anyone else unless you have taken care of yourself first.
Parenting can be hard work. Make sure you and your child enjoy the time you spend together. It goes by quickly. The good news is, that it's never too late to model the behavior you want your child to adopt. Even when you feel like they are pushing you away, they want you there. Don't give up.
Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She is dedicated to helping couples and has completed Levels 1, 2, and 3 at The Gottman Institute.