Parents Who Raise Competent, Well-Rounded Boys Always Teach These 9 Powerfully Simple Lessons
Sometimes the simplest lessons are the most difficult to teach.
Kristina Igumnova26 | Shutterstock As noted by podcaster and healthy masculinity proponent Johnny Cole, there is a growing cultural push to undermine the importance of men participating in household responsibilities, emotional labor, and caring partnerships. The pressure placed on men to avoid anything “feminine” and to separate from their emotional needs is simply perpetuating the growing crisis of male loneliness and emotional isolation.
In an era where traditional gender roles are being scrutinized and sometimes weaponized, it is crucial for parents to instill values that prepare young men for real-world responsibilities. Parental guidance will play a key role in raising competent men who are secure in their feelings and needs, allowing them to be active and engaged partners, fathers, and friends.
Here are nine powerfully simple lessons that parents who aim to raise competent and well-rounded boys should impart:
1. Embrace your emotions
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Sadly, boys are often taught to suppress their emotions. However, raising a well-rounded individual means teaching them to embrace their emotional side. Writing for Psychology Today, school psychologist Lisa Liggins-Chambers, Ph. D., explained, "Certain gender-based stereotypes about boys cause us to assume that boys are stoic and that their masculinity means that they cope, handle, and do things that girls naturally cannot do. Consequently, mental health concerns in boys may go unnoticed because we believe that they can handle most situations on their own." She went on to say, "They need a supportive approach while emphasizing that they have feelings that can be expressed openly and authentically."
Boys should be encouraged to express their feelings in healthy ways, understand empathy, and be open to supporting others emotionally. Emotional intelligence is a key trait that will allow them to create deeper, more fulfilling relationships in adulthood.
2. Help with household chores
Chores. We all hate them; however, they are a task that must be done — not just to keep the house clean but to build your character. Contrary to outdated views that equate household chores with femininity, parents must teach boys that taking responsibility for the home is a basic adult duty.
Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and maintenance should be normalized for both boys and girls. As Johnny Cole mentioned, there is growing pressure to stigmatize such contributions, but these skills are essential for leading independent and fulfilling lives.
3. Be an openly caring partner
Relationships are built on mutual care, respect, and effort. In order to teach kids this lesson, parents should model what it means to be a supportive partner by sharing responsibilities at home, being emotionally available, and demonstrating caring actions. This isn't about "feminizing" a boy; it's about teaching him how to be a responsible and loving partner who contributes to the household and his relationships.
4. Be self-sufficient
From an early age, boys should be taught the value of independence. It’s important to learn how to take care of personal responsibilities — whether it's managing finances, cooking meals, or handling chores. Boys who are competent in managing their lives independently will not only feel more confident but will also be better equipped to face life's challenges. They will also be less likely to look for a partner to mother them and, instead, be a more equal participant in the relationship.
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5. Embrace community
Raising well-rounded boys means creating meaningful connections with others. Whether through friendships, family bonds, or romantic relationships, teaching boys to develop deep, supportive social ties is essential. These relationships are fundamental for their mental and emotional well-being.
Famed psychotherapist Esther Perel explained that when raising her sons, she never separated them from adults during functions. The kids' table simply didn't exist in her house. She explained in a piece she wrote for Today, "My sons joined the dinner table with the rest of us, ate the same foods, and we raised them to be interested in the adult conversations." She continued, "Beyond cultivating their minds, this helps kids build relationships with other parents. When my sons had questions, I wanted to be able to say, 'Go talk to so-and-so.' I created a community of other people who cared about me and my family. This taught my boys to seek advice and comfort from people who weren't their parents, about school, teachers, their struggles, and their pursuits."
6. Reject gender stereotypes
Gender stereotypes — we all know them and, most likely, were introduced to them at an early age unintentionally. Parents need to actively reject harmful stereotypes that categorize certain behaviors as "masculine" or "feminine." Boys should feel free to pursue their interests, whether they are traditionally considered masculine or not. Whether it's being nurturing, playing with dolls, or participating in activities traditionally associated with femininity, boys should be encouraged to explore the full range of human experiences without the constraints of societal expectations.
7. Embrace healthy masculinity
There’s an ongoing conversation about what it means to be a man in today’s world. Parents must model healthy masculinity, one that includes showing vulnerability, taking responsibility for one's actions, and being emotionally supportive — because, at the end of the day, that’s what being a human is. Demonstrating these traits will give boys the tools to form emotionally healthy relationships and succeed in their personal and professional lives.
As Perel noted, "Only with thoughtful support will our boys have a chance to break out of the outdated gender norms that cause so much trouble today by demanding stoicism, fearlessness, competition, invulnerability and aggression."
8. Prioritize mental health
With the increasing pressure placed on young men in modern society, mental health can often take a backseat. Parents should emphasize the importance of mental wellness by encouraging open dialogue about emotions, seeking therapy, and managing stress. Boys should know from a young age that it's okay to not be okay. Asking for help with mental health shouldn’t feel like a chore; instead, it should be treated with the same importance as physical health.
9. Be accountable for your actions
This may be the most important lesson of them all: learning to be accountable and honest. Boys should be held accountable for their actions and taught to uphold strong ethical standards. Parents should guide them to make responsible choices, whether it’s about their behavior, finances, or relationships. Integrity is an essential trait of a well-rounded person, and teaching boys to take ownership of their actions will help them navigate life with a strong moral compass.
As Cole noted, society’s increasing efforts to diminish care and responsibility as "feminized" traits is adding to the isolation and emotional struggles for young men. The key to breaking this cycle is to teach boys the value of developing both traditionally masculine and feminine traits.
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.