New Dad Asks For Reassurance After Having A ‘Miserable’ First Few Days With Newborn — ‘I’m Freaking Out’
“I just need to be told that this is going to be good long-term.”
OndroM | Shutterstock Few things are as difficult of an adjustment as becoming a parent. Between sleep deprivation and a general sense of fear that you might be doing something wrong, the stress of the first week at home with a newborn can be overwhelming.
One dad was worried he and his wife had made a big mistake after he found it difficult to cope after the first few days home with his newborn son. He turned to Reddit, asking for reassurance because he felt totally inept and "miserable."
A dad sought reassurance on Reddit because he felt ‘miserable’ just three days after his son was born.
“The first few days of our son’s life have been an emotional rollercoaster,” he confessed in his post. “We were told the first night is easy and to catch up on sleep. No way, Jose. He kept fussing and would only sleep on mom, and I started coming apart trying to stay awake to watch over them.”
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Despite what they had been told, they actually found the second day to be much easier than the first. “Luckily got on top of things for day two,” he said. “I had gotten my wife an hour of sleep by pushing him around the hallways in the bassinet and she was feeling okay, so I ran off and napped in one of the visiting rooms … Last night was great.”
This gave the couple a good level of confidence as they headed into day three. The dad began to think that he had a handle on this new gig of his. Then, things turned sour again. “Wife is having bad gas pain and having a hard time resting, baby is being much more demanding and after begging for [two and a half] days for a lactation consultant, one finally showed up and basically told us we need to feed him more often.”
This man’s preconceived notions about how things would go caused him to second-guess everything.
“I’m freaking out because I was thinking when we had stuff under control last night, we were in the thick of it,” he said with desperation. “Night two — that’s supposed to be the worst. If we’re hanging on during the worst then we can do this!”
Now, he’s not so sure. “But now I’m thinking, wait, when I change his diaper he screams,” he explained. “When I swaddle him he screams. How are we going to get him to sleep soundly and get him on a routine? Maybe last night was the easy night and I’m not gonna make it.”
To make matters worse, this dad admitted to scrolling on Reddit and finding plenty of horror stories about the germs kids pick up at daycare. He’s also worried about how they’ll manage to take care of their dog in addition to the baby and what will happen to his job in the current economy — basically catastrophizing at the worst time possible.
Taking care of a newborn baby and adjusting to life as a parent is no walk in the park.
We’d all like to think the things we’re taking on, especially those we’re excited about, are going to be easy to get into. That isn’t the case with having a baby, though.
As one person noted in the comments on Reddit, “You are having to learn something totally new, and you’re having to learn it ‘on the job’ while severely sleep deprived and keeping another tiny human, who is totally dependent on you, alive and safe. It is absolutely daunting.”
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This is to be expected, Australia’s Centre of Perinatal Excellence said. “You may have moments in early parenthood when things feel out of control,” they said. “It’s normal, too — particularly for first-time parents — to experience fleeting doubts as you find yourself constantly learning and adapting in these first weeks.”
While many parents hope that parenting will just come to them intuitively, taking on the responsibility of a new baby, especially when it’s your first, is a big deal. It’s not easy, and it will take some time for this new dad to adjust. But there’s no reason for him to give up hope. As one seasoned parent wrote, "Focus on your and mom's immediate needs, and the baby's general well-being (feeding, hygiene, attention). Don't think way ahead. Forget what they told you about how it's 'supposed to be.' You're writing your own story - be present for it, improvise, and believe in yourself."
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
