Mom Confesses That She & Her Husband Deeply Regret Having A Child — 'We Feel Lied To About A Life We Didn't Want'
Their parents talked them into having a child, but it was far from what they had hoped.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock The decision to have a child is certainly not a reversible one. People must evaluate whether this path is right for them before they rush into parenthood, lest they have any regrets like one unnamed couple online.
The mom anonymously confessed that she and her husband regret having a child, an unspoken experience that many can sadly relate to.
The TikToker who received the confession shared it online, raising awareness of the alarming reality of many young and confused parents.
Kelley Daring is an entrepreneur who frequently shares anonymous confessions of regretful parents and wives on TikTok, offering advice and nuance to the challenges a regretful decision brings into someone’s life.
In part 17 of her "Regretful Parents" series, Daring spoke of a couple who were high school sweethearts. To ensure the strength of their relationship, they waited until a few years after graduation to get married — a decision they have never regretted.
Unfortunately, the lack of regret doesn't extend to their decision to have a child.
"My husband has been told his whole life that he is a magnet for kids," the woman explained in her confession. “He was told over and over through his entire childhood that he was expected to have kids one day."
The woman added that her mom was a single mother who was “stuck in survival mode” but habitually expressed how her children “saved her life.”
“She had always told her life story like it was meant to end until her first child was born and everything changed,” Daring read. “She had a reason to live, and she wanted that for me.”
Despite their interest in having a child and their families' encouragement, they were both uncertain about becoming parents.
Daring explained that the woman was never too crazy about kids. She didn’t have anything against them, but she never truly resonated with the idea of motherhood.
“When the talk of children happened, I said I didn’t care either way,” the woman shared. “I knew I could be a good mom. I knew what I would need to adjust in my life to be present for a child. [My husband] had said that he wanted a kid with a shrug.”
So, in that sense, they both passively agreed to have a baby, and within a year of their wedding, the woman got pregnant.
“It felt like it happened so easily,” the woman revealed. ”I enjoyed decorating the room and getting the attention from friends and family, hopeful about my gut feeling changing.”
The woman explained how her anxiety grew throughout her pregnancy. She felt overwhelmed by the various parenting styles she researched, the judgment she already felt about her parenting choices, and the aversion she felt towards the changes in her body.
When she finally birthed and met her baby, her initial perception was finding the child “sticky and kind of ugly in a cute way.”
The woman admitted that she felt no instant connection or motherly instinct to her baby.
Many individuals can relate to the appeal of having a baby, but the reality of raising one is a drastic lifestyle change that parents underestimate. Oftentimes, the expectations don't exactly match the reality.
After giving birth, the woman admitted that all she felt was “a new hollowness to get to know.” This disconnection to one’s baby can be a symptom of postpartum depression, which the woman said she was experiencing.
“I felt alone a lot,” she wrote to Daring. “My husband was there, but I think he felt the hollowness too. I did not want the baby. I wanted it to go away. I wanted someone to take it away.”
Not even breaks from motherhood allowed the woman to feel the slightest affinity for her baby.
“A decision I made was weighing on me, and I tried to think of ways out,” the woman continued. “I hated myself for not being able to do it, not being a good mom, not wanting to be near my baby. I felt broken.”
Postpartum can cause mothers to have a difficult time cultivating a loving relationship immediately following the birth of their baby. They may feel detached and ashamed for their lack of connection, but this is a common experience that can last anywhere from months to years.
A couple of years later, the mom and her husband opened up to each other about their thoughts on parenthood, and they discovered their feelings were mutual.
“We have this other human that needs us that we didn’t actually want,” she wrote. “We both felt lied to. Our families had teamed up on us and encouraged a life for us that we didn’t want. We did not like having a kid. We actually despised a lot of it. The resentment that we felt toward our families was beyond measure.”
While it’s unfortunate that the couple was easily influenced by the dream their families fed them, they did have every ability to say no and decide their own path. They blindly followed their families’ desires, not fully grasping the immense impact this change would leave on their lives.
The couple’s experience is actually quite common.
What the young couple appeared to be experiencing was a lack of genuine desire to parent, likely due to their ill-judged impulse to rush into something they weren’t ready for.
When considering the possibility of having a child, indifference is a sign to wait. Couples should pause and focus on nourishing their own lives until they have a real desire to have children. The decision must always come from within, not from external influences.
Although the couple in question was clearly influenced by their families, they deserve some grace as they did not expect to feel so disconnected from their baby. They may want to consider seeking therapy to work through this together.
But they are not the victims in this situation — their baby is.
Cases like this can lead to troubled, emotionally unstable kids with a lack of unconditional love. They grow up in confusion and uncertainty about their place in the world, which they never asked to join in the first place. This is exactly why it is crucial that parents diligently consider their options, desires, and goals before rushing into parenthood.
The option to parent will always be available, whether through reproduction or adoption, but the option to revert to a lifestyle before kids will never be available again once a child is born.
Parenthood is not for everyone, and it should never be rushed into.
The mom ended her confession by assuring listeners that she and her husband have grown to become good parents and have learned to love their child. Even so, she admitted that she would not have regretted giving her child up to someone else had she had the chance. While the child is likely in a stable and healthy home, it’s possible that they may eventually feel their parents' lack of connection.
Had the couple chosen to wait and focus on their marriage first, they might have come to the decision mutually when the timing was right. Sadly, they made the decision too suddenly for their families, leading to their regret, unfulfillment, and dissatisfaction.
Many parents often advocate for the healing experience of having a child. They say parenthood gave them a reason for living. While this is a relatable experience for many, it’s not for everyone, and potential parents must recognize the toll parenthood takes.
Choosing to have a child is a life-long decision that heavily impacts the life of another human being. There are far too many cases of parents who cluelessly jump into parenthood before considering the risks of doing so and end up deeply regretting it, which can lead to mental, emotional, and psychological damage for their children.
Once you bring a child into this world, there is no going back. Couples should always keep this fact in mind before they choose such a life-changing path.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.