Neurodivergent Dad Says Parenting A Toddler Is 'The Most Painful Experience' Of His Life
By asking for advice, he's already setting himself up for success.
Josh Willink / Pexels A 36-year-old dad wrote to the r/Parenting subreddit seeking advice and a chance to vent about “how to deal with a crazy 2-year-old.” He prefaced his post by saying, “I love my daughter. So much. If anything ever happened to her, I’d be lost.”
Despite the depths of his love, he has found toddlerhood to be more of a challenge than anticipated.
The neurodivergent dad said parenting a toddler is ‘the most painful experience’ of his life.
“My brain needs constant stimulation, otherwise I feel physical pain,” he explained. “I’m not kidding, it’s horrible.”
In addition to ADHD, he suffers from anxiety attacks. He’s been on medication since his daughter was born to help manage his mental health. “I’m significantly better now,” he shared.
His daughter is an only child and his wife stays home full-time, so he’s in charge of childcare “virtually all day on weekends.”
He listed certain things that “drive [him] insane,” like “the constant pulling at my hands [and] the screaming. Oh man, the screaming.”
“She wants to constantly grab things she can’t have and loses her mind. She’ll scream until she vomits,” he said. “Going out in public is always a disaster. I try my best to give her other options, but it rarely works.”
“This routine is killing me and I hate myself because I can’t cope like other parents seem to be able to,” he shared.
The dad reached out to the Reddit community to ask for toddler survival tips, and other parents responded with both practical advice and emotional support.
“Hang in there, Dad!” One person exclaimed. They advised him to “create routines, stay active, set boundaries, offer distractions, and remember self-care.”
“Parenting is a rollercoaster, but you're doing great,” they wrote.
Another parent offered similar guidance, saying, “Structure your days so each day has the same type of routine. Kids thrive when they know what's coming and what's expected of them.”
They offered up a sample routine for the dad to try out, sharing their own toddler-management techniques. Their schedule included a morning outing, which could be a trip to the park or library or just a long walk to explore. “Take snacks,” they advised. “Then nap time [and] more snacks.”
The commenter shared how having a set routine helps them, writing, “Being out of the house seems to use up energy and recharge my ability to parent without losing my dang mind."
Photo: NadyaEugene / Shutterstock
Another parent with ADHD and autism shared how much they related to the dad’s post. “I’ve struggled to parent my two boys. I’ve also wondered why I can’t just deal with it like everyone else does,” they wrote.
They provided a perspective rooted in grace and understanding, noting that “you don’t see how everyone else is dealing with it on their bad days.” They told the dad to consider what he needs to function and then prioritize those needs, “within reason.”
“It’s amazing what’s possible when you present the situation honestly and ask for what you need,” they said. “You can’t support others until you can support yourself.”
Both parenting and being neurodivergent present their fair share of challenges. By asking for advice and airing his frustrations, the dad is taking the necessary steps to be open and vulnerable.
He’s doing the hardest part: Admitting he’s having a tough time and asking for support. Toddlerhood is a phase that he and his daughter will get through, and allowing himself grace as they do is the most important part.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting, pop culture and all things to do with the entertainment industry.