Mom Can't Get Over Her Husband Missing Their Daughter's Birth Because Of Work Over A Year Ago — 'She Went Into Labor Early'
She keeps bringing it up in arguments, but could it be a sign of a deeper problem?
Onjira Leibe | Shutterstock Despite our best intentions, sometimes we just can’t make special moments happen the way we want them to, especially when it comes to work and personal schedules. It’s a fact of life that we have to come to terms with.
One woman had a very hard time accepting this after her husband missed the birth of his daughter. It's been over a year, and she still can't get over the fact that he was at work when their little one entered the world.
A man missed the birth of his daughter, and his wife just can’t move past it.
A husband and father shared his story on Reddit to see if he was in the wrong after arguing with his wife once again about the topic they can’t seem to let go of.
“I work in a job where [there] are certain times that I do not have access to my phone or I … am in the middle of nowhere,” he explained. “These times are well scheduled in advance and basically take up my whole day.”
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A little over a year ago, he and his wife were set to welcome a new addition to their family. “My wife was pregnant and at the time I planned to take off work near her due date,” he said. “Unfortunately, she went into labor early (about a month early) and I was on an inspection.”
“I only learned about her going into labor when I got [a] signal again,” he shared. “By the time I got to the hospital she [had] already given birth.”
The baby was delivered early, and the husband was inaccessible by phone due to work.
The man felt there was nothing more he could have done. His wife, on the other hand, felt differently.
He continued, “This was about … [one and a half] years ago and I am [an] involved father. The issue is every single time we have an argument she will bring up [that] I missed the birth.”
“It happens almost every single time from serious arguments to what fast food [we should] get,” he said, exasperated.
“Today was my breaking point,” he said. “We got into an argument about her wanting to change the daycare situation. She wants to change daycare to one closer to the home. I do drop off and she does pick up.”
While a daycare closer to home may be more convenient, it’s not going to work for this family right now. “The only one closer to our home is too expensive and we cannot afford it,” he explained.
She decided to bring it up again. “In the middle of the argument, she pulled out [that] I wasn’t there for the birth again,” he said.
Commenters were split in their assessment of the ongoing argument.
The Redditors this man turned to for help had differing views on his circumstances.
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Some were sympathetic and thought the husband had nothing to be sorry for. Others pointed out the fact that this couple seemed to have much deeper problems than whether or not the father was there for the birth.
“It is possible that being unable to reach him when she needed him most … was pretty traumatic, and left her feeling vulnerable going forward,” someone pointed out, suggesting they try counseling.
It's possible the mom is dealing with unresolved trauma after giving birth without the support of her husband.
Reddit users who thought this man’s wife might be experiencing some kind of unresolved trauma could be on to something.
According to the March of Dimes, “Birth trauma is any physical or emotional distress you may experience during or after childbirth. During the birth, you may feel afraid, helpless, or unsupported by those around you.”
Those are all emotions one could feel because their partner was not present.
The March of Dimes also listed “a childbirth experience that was not what you hoped” as a reason for experiencing birth trauma.
It sounds very likely that what this woman is going through goes beyond just a recurring argument or anger.
She could be suffering from very real trauma that needs to be addressed head-on instead of pushed to the side. And although it might be difficult to shoulder the blame, this husband needs to be more patient while she works through this difficult time.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.