Mom-To-Be Admits To Hiding Pregnancy From Her Husband To Avoid Her Mother-In-Law Finding Out — ‘Should I Just Run Away And Start A New Life?’
This mother and son are so deeply enmeshed that there may be no hope for his relationship with his wife.
Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock There are plenty of adult children who are still close to their parents. However, when that closeness borders on enmeshment, it can cause serious problems, particularly in their romantic relationships.
One woman has experienced this firsthand, as her husband and his mom are "unsettlingly" close. Now that she's pregnant, she hasn't told her husband because she knows he will tell his mother, who will then make everything about herself.
The woman has hidden her pregnancy from her husband and mother-in-law for months.
The woman on Reddit shared that she had been pregnant once before but suffered a miscarriage. Her mother-in-law's behavior during this experience has kept her from informing her husband and his mom about the current pregnancy.
She explained that she had been married to her husband, Joel, for three years, and had a good relationship with him. But, when her mother-in-law was involved, everything got messy.
“Joel’s mom, I will call her Amy, has always been insanely protective over him,” she stated. “Although he is fully an adult man, Amy only refers to Joel as ‘[her] baby boy.’ Amy insisted on having the first dance with Joel at our wedding.”
The woman learned to keep quiet after she lost her first pregnancy.
“A few months ago, I found out that I was pregnant with our first baby, but just a few months in, I tragically lost the pregnancy,” she shared. “Amy was so excited to be a grandmother, but some of her actions made me uncomfortable and angry.”
She explained that Amy came to every appointment and ultrasound with her. When they heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time, Amy made the moment all about her. She even wanted to host a “grandbaby shower.”
“My final straw was after I lost the baby,” the woman admitted.
“I was devastated. Luckily, Amy was not over when I began noticing issues, and Joel and I were able to go to the hospital alone. But after calling his mom to tell her what was happening, Amy showed up at the hospital and cried so loudly Joel had to escort her out of the hospital and comfort her in the car.”
“Once again, I was left there alone,” she recalled sadly.
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After the miscarriage, her relationship changed.
“This broke me,” she admitted. “Although Joel has apologized profusely and said that he regrets leaving me, I have a hard time finding forgiveness for this moment.”
This woman said that before this, her relationship with her husband had been great, despite her mother-in-law’s meddling, but this left her wondering about the future.
“After the miscarriage though, I started sleeping in the guest room and taking more time for myself to sort out my thoughts and decide where to go from here,” she said. “Everything was fine until a few months ago I had a few too many glasses of wine at a friend’s wedding and ended up spending the night back in our main bedroom. I started to notice the same familiar changes in my body from my first pregnancy which terrified me.”
She shared that she is now 18 weeks pregnant and has hidden it by wearing "baggy clothes." She is not sure what to do, as she does not want a repeat of what happened last time, and she has enjoyed keeping this to herself.
It sounds like this mother and son are experiencing enmeshment.
The Attachment Project said, “Family enmeshment involves a lack of emotional boundaries between family members, where individual identities blur.”
This is very similar to what this woman has described between her husband and his mother. There seem to be no boundaries at all.
“According to mother-son enmeshment psychology, the son learns from an early age that being independent is not ‘OK,’ which influences their thoughts and behaviors,” The Attachment Project continued.
Many Reddit commenters suggested this couple seek therapy to work through their problems. That is likely the only chance they have at getting through his lack of independence and saving their marriage — if this woman decides that’s what she wants.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.