Married Son Rejects His Mom's Gift Of A Cruise For Two After Realizing It Was For Him & Her Instead Of His Wife
“The family that I created are the only ones I care to bond with right now.”
Bearfotos | Shutterstock.com Having a 1-year-old is a stressful time in any parent's life. So, what new mom and dad wouldn't want to be gifted a cruise vacation to get some much-needed relaxation?
One dad on Reddit was excited to receive such a gift from his mom — at least until he realized this gift was not for him and his wife, but rather for him and his mother “to bond.”
The married son rejected his mom’s gift of a ‘cruise for two’ after realizing it was for him and her instead of his wife.
Maintaining a healthy relationship with parents into adulthood can be tricky, especially when unhealthy attachments are involved. When forced to split time between marriage, work, children, and life, parents oftentimes take a backseat.
While that’s perfectly understandable for many, this Reddit man’s mother took it personally — “manipulating” him into spending more time with her, away from his family.
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“My mom absolutely knew that my marriage was falling apart and she soaked it up,” he admitted in his since-deleted Reddit post.
“When my wife was 3 months pregnant, my mother had a cancer scare,” he shared. She had to quit her job and her son, who is the only boy and youngest of four, stepped up to bring her to doctor’s appointments and help around the house.
"It got to a point where I was hardly ever home before 11 p.m.," he admitted. "My wife started hating me. She had a rough pregnancy, and I just wasn't there for her."
His mother's constant need for attention drove a wedge in his marriage.
When his mother found out that she didn’t have cancer, the resentment and problems in his marriage didn’t go away. He even admitted that his mother “enjoyed” taking advantage of his time despite knowing his marriage was struggling.
“I was trapped between a rock and a hard place," he wrote. "My wife stopped talking to me altogether and started sleeping on the couch."
According to Psychology Today, this battle for time is a common occurrence in volatile relationships with in-laws, but it doesn't have to be the end of his marriage. Most importantly, he needs to communicate with both his mom and his wife. The expectation that everyone will suddenly get along is unrealistic, but if he sets proper boundaries and expectations with both of them, they should all be able to find a path towards something more amicable.
And if they can't? Family therapy is a good option.
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The tension between his wife and his mother only got worse once the baby arrived. His mom constantly made ignorant comments about being there to support him, while she said nothing of his wife, who was diagnosed with postpartum depression.
It took the man a surprisingly long time to realize the connection between his mother's presence and his wife's bad mood. Eventually, he stopped inviting his mother into their home, and his wife got better. "She started loving me again. Our marriage became strong again,” he wrote.
When their daughter's first birthday arrived, he decided to invite his mother, hoping the event would remain lighthearted and she would bond with her granddaughter. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
His mom came an hour late, helped herself to food that hadn’t been served yet, and offered an insulting gift to her son in front of his wife and the entire party.
"She hands me a gift. I go to put it on the table with our daughter's other gifts, and she tells me no, that it's for me," he recalled. "I was confused but [opened] it, and it's a vacation for two on a cruise."
His initial reaction was excitement, and he said that he and his wife could use the escape. However, his mother had different plans. She informed her son that the cruise was meant for him and her "to bond" because they "lost touch" after the baby was born.
The man was rightfully furious. The gift alone was insulting to his wife, but to present it publicly at the party was even more so.
BearFotos | Shutterstock
“It seems like she’s doing everything in her power to destroy my marriage," he wrote. "To get me and her a cruise on my daughter's birthday (didn't get my kid anything) and present it in front of my wife is just a slap in the face."
Thankfully, he was no longer willing to sacrifice his family dynamic and time with his family to appease his mother’s every need. “I told her I wasn’t going anywhere with her and that right now, I only care about being a good dad and husband, that the family I created are the only ones I care to bond with right now.”
In the end, he advocated for his wife and set much-need boundaries with his mother. While everyone has the capacity to support more than one relationship at a time — caring for your wife doesn't mean you stop caring for your mom — his wife and daughter deserved his support and backing.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories