Millennial Urges Parents To Let Their Kids See Them Spending Time With Friends
It's important to model what healthy friendships looks like.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock Once you have kids, it can be difficult to make time for friends. After all, your kids are supposed to become your whole world, right? But, although your children are your top priority, the rest of your life doesn't have to stop, nor should it.
Kids should see their parents spending time with friends.
In Reddit’s “r/Millennials” community, a user posted a plea for parents everywhere.
“It’s a well-known trope for parents to say that they never have any time for friends anymore, and childless people [confirm] this by saying they never see their friends with kids anymore,” she wrote. “The more I hear people say this, the more it becomes very apparent that society as a whole is isolating themselves deeper and deeper.”
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“The thing is, your kids need you to have friends,” she argued. “It’s not even about pushing your reset button and getting R&R, which of course helps prevent burnout and will go a long way toward consistent interactions with your kids. It’s not even about building a community and giving your children other trusted adults and life-long relationships they can foster themselves as they grow.”
Rather, she insisted, it's about modeling healthy friendships for your children.
“It’s about your kids watching you, as their favorite people in the world, socialize with people you love, learning by observation how healthy relationships work and giving them the tools they need to begin their own social journeys in life,” she said.
The user's plea turned personal as she added, “Please take it from someone in their late 30s who is finally able to identify and deal with the deficits that came as a direct result of never having anyone come to the house, never being exposed to different personalities and being totally isolated as a child.”
While most kids are resilient and will socially adjust regardless of their parents’ behavior, this can give them a big leg up. "You can help them become well-adjusted teenagers and adults simply by having them be in proximity to people who figured it out already,” she stressed.
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She even offered some advice for parents who feel like they have been out of the world of friendship for far too long. “For those of you without a village, I totally commiserate with you,” she said. “Unfortunately, the struggles we are having now are the ones our kids will have later. Try the same suggestions you would give to them!”
She recommended texting old acquaintances or striking up a conversation with the person next to you in line or at the park. "Rejections are just practice," she added, "and if you're lucky maybe something more could blossom."
Parents having friends really does have an impact on kids.
It may feel like your friendships or lack thereof are inconsequential to your children, who are surely wrapped up in their own lives, but that’s not the case. Writer Anne Helen Petersen interviewed people on this very topic for her forthcoming book, ‘Friend Group.’ Her findings were telling.
“Most of the people I’ve interviewed who are deeply involved in their community — or in the lives of someone they’re not related to — had ‘showing up, even when it’s not convenient’ modeled for them (and explicitly explained to them) throughout their childhoods,” she wrote.
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In other words, it’s immensely helpful for a child to see their parents model healthy friendships. It affects them in adulthood and really is the foundation of their future friendships.
Everyone needs friends, and benefiting your kids in the process is just a bonus.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.